I'm referring to adult "life" phases, not kid's behaving badly phases.
Much of what I'm feeling right now started when I started going to Estate sales, and auctions. Walking through these houses. Houses that used to be homes, filled with kids and grandkids. Big dinners, parties, laughter, arguments, and now emptiness.
Memories, both happy and sad.
First steps, first dates, first promotions, first vacations.
Here I am, among 50 other people, touching everything that used to be someone's. Nosing through a book collection, digging through blankets, adoring the stitching on a baby blanket so caringly made by someone close.
It makes you wonder, is that what will be left of you ?
Will all the things you so treasure throughout life, be arranged on long tables, decorated with price tags, and on sale for half price when no one else seems to think your prize possessions are worth it.
There have been so many times that as I'm walking through a home, and I want to yell and scream at people. They throw things this way and that, they move everything to dig in the bottom of a box, only to leave what they've moved and walk off.
It's painful to see that some people have no respect for memories, no matter who they belong to.
For some reason, this along with a couple of other things has pulled me into some sort of reminiscent fog.
Everyday I've woken up and had to resist the urge to grab my family and run away.
Far away. To where, I don't know for sure.
Someplace in the woods, the mountains maybe. Somewhere isolated. Somewhere that we are all just together.
I need time. time with them all.
Time to look at their faces, hear their voices, time to absorb it all so I'll never forget.
Time for them to do the same to me.
Time for memories to form and harden in our brains.
And, I need for time to stand still while I do it.