December 23
Ah to be a kid again
It would be grand. Christmas would still have magic and suspense.
Hearing the Nativity Story would be anticipated instead of wondering what time we could be done by. You'd ask all kinds of questions, now though you dread having to explain why Mary and Joseph named him Jesus and not Jim or Square.....
Making cookies for Santa is about nothing but fun and making a mess rather than trying to clean as you go to lighten the cleaning load for afterwards.
Presents were meant to be squished and shook and felt with our eyes closed to try and envision what lies within, now though the squishing and shaking and feeling up of the gifts gives me a heart attack and makes me want to scream about possibly ripping the paper and me having to wrap them again.
As a child you never looked under the tree and though " damn what if I don't like anything that's there ?" As a parent I worry that even though they said they wanted it, that they have changed their minds and now think they are beyond that.
The past few days have been stressful because of those few things I just mentioned. I suppose it's my own selfishness that has taken over, what a shitty time to be selfish I know. I just miss that "magic and elation" that used to accompany these days preceding.
After much self reflection though, it is back. I look at my girls and wonder why in the hell it ever left me. They are my miracles and they are my love and magic and elation.
I got lost but now I am back on track. I don't give a shit if I have to wrap all the gifts 10 times, it was worth it to see Mimi get stuck under the tree getting to them. We can make cookies a dozen more times, the flour on their faces and sprinkles stuck to the end of their noses shows that it meant more to them than just making a mess. I will explain over and over to Didda that even if "Jim" and "Square" are fine names, his name is Jesus, and no she cannot call him Jim.
I hope that all of you are filled with your own magic and are able experience your own miracles this Christmas .......
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
December 18
And the beat goes on and on....
Can you seriously believe that there are only 7 damn days until Christmas ?!?! Oy ! Wait...that was a Jewish term and Hanukah is...nevermind.... you know what I mean.
The weather has been less than pleasant around these parts...I know I have stated this a million times but I HATE winter, what I hate more is the viruses that run rampant through our house during this time. But when it's too cold to go anywhere there is not much to do but share germs and bitch about it I suppose.
The girls are all very excited to the point of madness about next week, but yet for some reason Didda is more concerned about what we are doing for the 4th of July. She's let me know that we will be having a party and she will hold her baby brother for me when I decorate for it, and she is worried that Aunt Tawny might miss the fireworks. I even had to call Tawny and then reassure Didda that they will be here. She's started to ease off that subject, and is going back into " I want everything from Santa" mode.
In other news ...remember the neighbor lady that was the "constant lawn mower " ? Like 7 a.m. mowing and psychotic about the leaves and blah blah ? Anyway, I got a text from the ex-wife of the guy whose girlfriend that is that she died suddenly last week.
Oddly enough hubs and I and Darby (across the street) had only minutes before been saying that it was odd that they hadn't picked the leaves off their lawn....very odd for her. She died of a cancer that she had suffered from before and although she knew it was highly likely that it would come back, she neglected to go back for follow up appointments.
She went to the hospital on Tuesday complaining of severe stomach pain, got a CT scan that showed it had spread through her entire body, and her obituary was in the paper Thursday.
Not only that....the next night I walked into the bathroom where our blinds were up, I didn't turn the light on because I was just grabbing a tissue. I happened to see out of the corner of my eye that their dining room light was on. (It's easy to see because the back of our house faces the side of theirs the windows are pretty much adjacent.) I look over and see a woman standing in front of the window and as I try to not piss myself because I just saw a ghost....the guy walks in the dining room and wraps his arms around the ghost from behind and starts to kiss her neck. This was no ghost...this was a new woman already ! I still about pissed myself ! Two seconds later a little girl about Diddas age ran through the room...it was only then I was sure it wasn't a ghost because the other one had two older boys. So yeah I spied for a second I admit and not even shamefully.
Shame on him really. I mean damn, the body wasn't even cold yet ! I know it's obvious that he and this new one had a thing before all of this, it just seems so disrespectful to me though. So the new one has been over every night this week, she even came by while he was at work to let the dog out and check the mail.
I bet that he thinks that everyone in the neighborhood thinks that he and old one broke up since she just up and disappeared though, forgetting that I have a line to gossip to and from just about anywhere in the world.
Oh I never said it was good to gossip but, damn if the gossip is good just tell me and I'll spread the word for you ;)
And the beat goes on and on....
Can you seriously believe that there are only 7 damn days until Christmas ?!?! Oy ! Wait...that was a Jewish term and Hanukah is...nevermind.... you know what I mean.
The weather has been less than pleasant around these parts...I know I have stated this a million times but I HATE winter, what I hate more is the viruses that run rampant through our house during this time. But when it's too cold to go anywhere there is not much to do but share germs and bitch about it I suppose.
The girls are all very excited to the point of madness about next week, but yet for some reason Didda is more concerned about what we are doing for the 4th of July. She's let me know that we will be having a party and she will hold her baby brother for me when I decorate for it, and she is worried that Aunt Tawny might miss the fireworks. I even had to call Tawny and then reassure Didda that they will be here. She's started to ease off that subject, and is going back into " I want everything from Santa" mode.
In other news ...remember the neighbor lady that was the "constant lawn mower " ? Like 7 a.m. mowing and psychotic about the leaves and blah blah ? Anyway, I got a text from the ex-wife of the guy whose girlfriend that is that she died suddenly last week.
Oddly enough hubs and I and Darby (across the street) had only minutes before been saying that it was odd that they hadn't picked the leaves off their lawn....very odd for her. She died of a cancer that she had suffered from before and although she knew it was highly likely that it would come back, she neglected to go back for follow up appointments.
She went to the hospital on Tuesday complaining of severe stomach pain, got a CT scan that showed it had spread through her entire body, and her obituary was in the paper Thursday.
Not only that....the next night I walked into the bathroom where our blinds were up, I didn't turn the light on because I was just grabbing a tissue. I happened to see out of the corner of my eye that their dining room light was on. (It's easy to see because the back of our house faces the side of theirs the windows are pretty much adjacent.) I look over and see a woman standing in front of the window and as I try to not piss myself because I just saw a ghost....the guy walks in the dining room and wraps his arms around the ghost from behind and starts to kiss her neck. This was no ghost...this was a new woman already ! I still about pissed myself ! Two seconds later a little girl about Diddas age ran through the room...it was only then I was sure it wasn't a ghost because the other one had two older boys. So yeah I spied for a second I admit and not even shamefully.
Shame on him really. I mean damn, the body wasn't even cold yet ! I know it's obvious that he and this new one had a thing before all of this, it just seems so disrespectful to me though. So the new one has been over every night this week, she even came by while he was at work to let the dog out and check the mail.
I bet that he thinks that everyone in the neighborhood thinks that he and old one broke up since she just up and disappeared though, forgetting that I have a line to gossip to and from just about anywhere in the world.
Oh I never said it was good to gossip but, damn if the gossip is good just tell me and I'll spread the word for you ;)
Monday, December 10, 2007
December 09
FYI #1
For awhile now people have been asking me questions about pregnancy, and parenting. While they've asked about being a rockstar too, I've decided to keep that part to myself. But after fielding so many questions I decided to keep some of them in my head and then I asked some close friends of mine what they really want to know. The following is going to be part 1 of what I hope is many "parts". Now please remember that my advice and knowledge although superior to most *snort* is not a substitute for medical advice and if you have an emergency don't email me, call 9-1-1.
These very first questions come from my good buddy Lulu.
Why don't more women feed from the boob, seein' how it's cheaper and all ??
I can only give my personal opinion on this one. I have heard that it can be such a fabulous bonding experience and all that jazz. The thing is, the only thing I have ever experienced from someone doing anything with my boobs is
A: Conception
and
B: Nothing that makes me think of feeding anyone or thing from my boob.
It's just not my thing and I cannot bring myself to do it. Plain and simple. For those who do it good for you, and for those who don't for whatever reason, it's ok. I can assure you that your baby will not be stupid because it didn't get to suck you dry. I have 3 kids with test scores to prove that. That could be because I taught them how to cheat early on, but I'm going to just go with how smart they are.
WTF is "tummy time"?
Tummy time. It's a great thing for babies to have from day 1. Personally I no longer let my kids sleep that way until much later after they can turn over both ways. But it is essential. Not only does it help them gain strength in their necks. It helps with brain development. Seriously I read that in a book.
When is the soonest a baby can have stuff like juice? Well we wait until around 5 months, but if they have a poo-poo issue, you can try to force down some prune juice. Try is the key word there. Prune juice is disgusting and even if they do drink formula all day babies know when something flat out tastes like shit
Cloth Diapers?
Uhm no.
I have enough laundry to do, and scraping poop out of a diaper and pre-treating it and putting dozens of things that were only minutes ago full of shit in my washer makes me gag. Poop spreads diseases. E.coli first of all and the less time I spend with my hands near it the better.
WTF is a mucus plug?
Ok so let's use our imaginations for a moment here. A uterus (where the baby is holed up for 40 weeks) is like a balloon. Bigger and rounder at the top and smaller and thicker at the bottom. Tying off the "balloon" is the cervix. The cervix stays closed as tight as possible until the end of pregnancy. But there is still a thin opening from the bottom to the top. Sort of like sinuses when we have allergies, to keep out all pollutants, ie: bacteria, sperm, rodents, the cervix builds up mucous. At the end of pregnancy when the cervix start to dilate (open) the mucous starts to make it's way out. It used to be thought that "losing your plug" meant that you'd be in the delivery room within hours, once again I have 5 kids to prove that is not always true. One book I read said it meant "labor is imminent". Well...no shit ?
Do you really poop yourself during labor ?
Honestly, sometimes yes. When there is a baby coming our of the same area used by your intestines it is sometimes unavoidable. The intestines have to move, and before that they have to be empty.It used to be protocol to do enemas before labor I hear. But it's not usually necessary and really when you have your va-jay-jay stretched to the point of no return shitting yourself is so not on your "things I care about right now" list.
Is the pain really THAT BAD ?
Short answer yes. When people say you forget how bad it was you do in a way. I mean you remember thinking that this is torture and you can't believe you think anything in the world is worth this. Then if you have another the pain returns and you seriously consider admitting yourself to the psyche ward because this infliction of pain on yourself is just not healthy, and you probably need help and/or alcohol.
Pain med's or no ?
Hey, if you wanna be all Billy Badass and think you don't "need" them be my guest. I choose not to because
A: I have hurt in places that don't even have names for months now and I need a fucking break.
B: The baby is going to come out plain and simple. Whether you have pain relief or not, it will still come out.
C: I want to be able to see my baby after he/she is born and not be still screaming from pain.
I do have to tell you though that after 4 epidurals I have had only two that worked. The epi looks scary and if it doesn't work it sucks ass, but if/when it does it is so worth it. I have offered to marry the anesthesiologist after I got a good epidural.
Well, that's going to be it for today. I'm freezing my balls off down here in the family room and my nose is starting to run. I'm gonna go turn the heat up !
FYI #1
For awhile now people have been asking me questions about pregnancy, and parenting. While they've asked about being a rockstar too, I've decided to keep that part to myself. But after fielding so many questions I decided to keep some of them in my head and then I asked some close friends of mine what they really want to know. The following is going to be part 1 of what I hope is many "parts". Now please remember that my advice and knowledge although superior to most *snort* is not a substitute for medical advice and if you have an emergency don't email me, call 9-1-1.
These very first questions come from my good buddy Lulu.
Why don't more women feed from the boob, seein' how it's cheaper and all ??
I can only give my personal opinion on this one. I have heard that it can be such a fabulous bonding experience and all that jazz. The thing is, the only thing I have ever experienced from someone doing anything with my boobs is
A: Conception
and
B: Nothing that makes me think of feeding anyone or thing from my boob.
It's just not my thing and I cannot bring myself to do it. Plain and simple. For those who do it good for you, and for those who don't for whatever reason, it's ok. I can assure you that your baby will not be stupid because it didn't get to suck you dry. I have 3 kids with test scores to prove that. That could be because I taught them how to cheat early on, but I'm going to just go with how smart they are.
WTF is "tummy time"?
Tummy time. It's a great thing for babies to have from day 1. Personally I no longer let my kids sleep that way until much later after they can turn over both ways. But it is essential. Not only does it help them gain strength in their necks. It helps with brain development. Seriously I read that in a book.
When is the soonest a baby can have stuff like juice? Well we wait until around 5 months, but if they have a poo-poo issue, you can try to force down some prune juice. Try is the key word there. Prune juice is disgusting and even if they do drink formula all day babies know when something flat out tastes like shit
Cloth Diapers?
Uhm no.
I have enough laundry to do, and scraping poop out of a diaper and pre-treating it and putting dozens of things that were only minutes ago full of shit in my washer makes me gag. Poop spreads diseases. E.coli first of all and the less time I spend with my hands near it the better.
WTF is a mucus plug?
Ok so let's use our imaginations for a moment here. A uterus (where the baby is holed up for 40 weeks) is like a balloon. Bigger and rounder at the top and smaller and thicker at the bottom. Tying off the "balloon" is the cervix. The cervix stays closed as tight as possible until the end of pregnancy. But there is still a thin opening from the bottom to the top. Sort of like sinuses when we have allergies, to keep out all pollutants, ie: bacteria, sperm, rodents, the cervix builds up mucous. At the end of pregnancy when the cervix start to dilate (open) the mucous starts to make it's way out. It used to be thought that "losing your plug" meant that you'd be in the delivery room within hours, once again I have 5 kids to prove that is not always true. One book I read said it meant "labor is imminent". Well...no shit ?
Do you really poop yourself during labor ?
Honestly, sometimes yes. When there is a baby coming our of the same area used by your intestines it is sometimes unavoidable. The intestines have to move, and before that they have to be empty.It used to be protocol to do enemas before labor I hear. But it's not usually necessary and really when you have your va-jay-jay stretched to the point of no return shitting yourself is so not on your "things I care about right now" list.
Is the pain really THAT BAD ?
Short answer yes. When people say you forget how bad it was you do in a way. I mean you remember thinking that this is torture and you can't believe you think anything in the world is worth this. Then if you have another the pain returns and you seriously consider admitting yourself to the psyche ward because this infliction of pain on yourself is just not healthy, and you probably need help and/or alcohol.
Pain med's or no ?
Hey, if you wanna be all Billy Badass and think you don't "need" them be my guest. I choose not to because
A: I have hurt in places that don't even have names for months now and I need a fucking break.
B: The baby is going to come out plain and simple. Whether you have pain relief or not, it will still come out.
C: I want to be able to see my baby after he/she is born and not be still screaming from pain.
I do have to tell you though that after 4 epidurals I have had only two that worked. The epi looks scary and if it doesn't work it sucks ass, but if/when it does it is so worth it. I have offered to marry the anesthesiologist after I got a good epidural.
Well, that's going to be it for today. I'm freezing my balls off down here in the family room and my nose is starting to run. I'm gonna go turn the heat up !
Friday, December 07, 2007
December 07
Friday
Bana : Jam, what is a virgin ?
Jam: Someone from Virginia I think...?
I just left that whole mess alone, which I know was probably a mistake as Banas will probably put that answer on a test sometime in the future.
I am done with my Christmas shopping finally, that was a mess all in itself. I'm glad it's over and I've only got about 4 things left to wrap, go me ! Everything would be wrapped already but after re-wrapping 5 things I got tired of doing it. MiMi thinks I wrap presents and put them under the tree to tempt her and nothing else. She's almost a year and has already picked up on how to be sneaky and not touch a damn thing until you leave the room. You walk back in and there she is hand full of paper and instead of acting like she's been naughty she puts the paper in front of her face and drops it to say "boo !" and smile. She's lucky she's cute is all I have to say.
Today is Poppy's 8th birthday and she chose to have me bake a cake instead of a store bought one, and her dinner choice is tacos. It all sounds good to me though ! Tacos and cake are both things that will have me up at around midnight throwing up, but there isn't a lot left that doesn't and at least it'll taste good the first time !
*Sigh* Ok so I'm off to the store for lettuce and tomato's, how in the hell can I shop for tacos and forget that shit !?!? Oh, I did remember to get toilet paper though, we have about 90 rolls now. I dunno.
Friday
Bana : Jam, what is a virgin ?
Jam: Someone from Virginia I think...?
I just left that whole mess alone, which I know was probably a mistake as Banas will probably put that answer on a test sometime in the future.
I am done with my Christmas shopping finally, that was a mess all in itself. I'm glad it's over and I've only got about 4 things left to wrap, go me ! Everything would be wrapped already but after re-wrapping 5 things I got tired of doing it. MiMi thinks I wrap presents and put them under the tree to tempt her and nothing else. She's almost a year and has already picked up on how to be sneaky and not touch a damn thing until you leave the room. You walk back in and there she is hand full of paper and instead of acting like she's been naughty she puts the paper in front of her face and drops it to say "boo !" and smile. She's lucky she's cute is all I have to say.
Today is Poppy's 8th birthday and she chose to have me bake a cake instead of a store bought one, and her dinner choice is tacos. It all sounds good to me though ! Tacos and cake are both things that will have me up at around midnight throwing up, but there isn't a lot left that doesn't and at least it'll taste good the first time !
*Sigh* Ok so I'm off to the store for lettuce and tomato's, how in the hell can I shop for tacos and forget that shit !?!? Oh, I did remember to get toilet paper though, we have about 90 rolls now. I dunno.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
December 05
Thank God for Cheeseburgers
I'm sure most of you have heard by now of the tragedy at one of our malls here in Omaha. Many of you have sent me emails and text messages asking if we are ok and yes we are. Thank you for asking and caring.
We are ok because of a cheeseburger.
We had plans to head out to that mall today ,that is further away than our normal one, to do some Christmas "wishing". It was about 10:40 a.m. and we were coming back from dropping my work off. Didda had been in rare form all morning, (that I should just call normal form from now on). She started throwing a fit about having a McDonalds cheeseburger for lunch, and no matter what else I offered her instead it was no good even if it was at the food court, she could give a shit less. And, the fact that it wasn't even 11 a.m. yet made less of a difference in her mind.
Knowing that after she had a breakdown about such a minor thing I knew that we were not going anywhere today so we went to McDonalds and came home.
My phone started beeping and ringing shortly after it broke on the news, and the second person was my sister who I assumed was calling to ask about our status. Actually, she was calling to ask if I'd seen their local news and what had happened there. She was asking because she and her best friend were working alone in the bank this morning and were robbed.
Here I was all full of relief because we were ok and had stayed away from danger today and my baby sister was face to face with a man with a gun. The realization of that hit me harder than our own aversion of mayhem.
What's odd in itself is, my sister had called me last night saying that she was very stressed. Her mind was racing and she couldn't calm herself down no matter what. She was in the beginning stages of a panic attack for no apparent reason. The reason, I see now was premonition.
Today, although not "Thanksgiving" I am saying thanks for the fact that we are all safe and sound. I am also sending my heartfelt thoughts and prayers to the families that are grieving for their loved ones that were lost today in this tragedy.
Thank God for Cheeseburgers
I'm sure most of you have heard by now of the tragedy at one of our malls here in Omaha. Many of you have sent me emails and text messages asking if we are ok and yes we are. Thank you for asking and caring.
We are ok because of a cheeseburger.
We had plans to head out to that mall today ,that is further away than our normal one, to do some Christmas "wishing". It was about 10:40 a.m. and we were coming back from dropping my work off. Didda had been in rare form all morning, (that I should just call normal form from now on). She started throwing a fit about having a McDonalds cheeseburger for lunch, and no matter what else I offered her instead it was no good even if it was at the food court, she could give a shit less. And, the fact that it wasn't even 11 a.m. yet made less of a difference in her mind.
Knowing that after she had a breakdown about such a minor thing I knew that we were not going anywhere today so we went to McDonalds and came home.
My phone started beeping and ringing shortly after it broke on the news, and the second person was my sister who I assumed was calling to ask about our status. Actually, she was calling to ask if I'd seen their local news and what had happened there. She was asking because she and her best friend were working alone in the bank this morning and were robbed.
Here I was all full of relief because we were ok and had stayed away from danger today and my baby sister was face to face with a man with a gun. The realization of that hit me harder than our own aversion of mayhem.
What's odd in itself is, my sister had called me last night saying that she was very stressed. Her mind was racing and she couldn't calm herself down no matter what. She was in the beginning stages of a panic attack for no apparent reason. The reason, I see now was premonition.
Today, although not "Thanksgiving" I am saying thanks for the fact that we are all safe and sound. I am also sending my heartfelt thoughts and prayers to the families that are grieving for their loved ones that were lost today in this tragedy.
Friday, November 16, 2007
November 16
This has gotten out of hand I say.
When you cannot wear your very favorite thing in the whole wide world (your KU hoodie), things have gone too far.
Now, when you're pregnant you expect this sort of thing. But, when you can't wear a F*&%^$! pullover hoodie because your boobs are too effin' huge, that's where I draw the line. Mind you, I drew this line 3 times already just to have the line disappear into gargantuan boob world.
I weighed myself today and was shocked, yeah I know my stomach has gotten to the point that I almost shut it in the truck door if I'm not careful, but yet I can still wear all my pants. Hell until last week I was wearing a pair of jeans I bought in June. The boobage is where the problemage is.
Back to the scale thing, after throwing up twice yesterday I gained 9 pounds. How that is possible I can't say. What I can say is that when I woke up my chin had friends hanging out with it. And, I do believe that my boobs have grown so much that there is nowhere to go but up ..............so now I have chin tits.
I've resigned myself to that fact that I won't be leaving the house until at least April, I don't know how I can face the world when it's cold outside and my chin starts to get hard nipples.
This has gotten out of hand I say.
When you cannot wear your very favorite thing in the whole wide world (your KU hoodie), things have gone too far.
Now, when you're pregnant you expect this sort of thing. But, when you can't wear a F*&%^$! pullover hoodie because your boobs are too effin' huge, that's where I draw the line. Mind you, I drew this line 3 times already just to have the line disappear into gargantuan boob world.
I weighed myself today and was shocked, yeah I know my stomach has gotten to the point that I almost shut it in the truck door if I'm not careful, but yet I can still wear all my pants. Hell until last week I was wearing a pair of jeans I bought in June. The boobage is where the problemage is.
Back to the scale thing, after throwing up twice yesterday I gained 9 pounds. How that is possible I can't say. What I can say is that when I woke up my chin had friends hanging out with it. And, I do believe that my boobs have grown so much that there is nowhere to go but up ..............so now I have chin tits.
I've resigned myself to that fact that I won't be leaving the house until at least April, I don't know how I can face the world when it's cold outside and my chin starts to get hard nipples.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
November 14
The Name Game
Well ! Since I have gotten such a response out of that little tidbit of how we are questioning names we might as well get this started and name the boy !
I have almost decided to give him a Chinese name, considering that no matter how much I eat or what time it is I am always hungry an hour later. *Snort*
The "S" thing. No, unlike the girls the boy will not have an "S" name. It wasn't really our plan from the beginning to name them all with that letter, but we happened to like the names and by the time #5 was on her way it seemed almost wrong not to, and oddly enough they fit into the "mold" that their names are.
We did consider an "S" name for him but the few that we liked were all associated with a boy that is a weirdo, or terribly mean, ya know...you just can't name him that knowing those kinds of things go with a name. You're just going to have trust me on that one, mkay ?
So far a few of the names we are considering :
Ashton
Asher
Brody
Caden
Jackson (which is our original name that we have had for 10 years, very popular now)
Didda's is sure that since it is a boy wee should name him Spongebob, or Diego, and somehow linked the name Coffee with a boy, but unfortunately I don't think we'll be going with any of those.
Oh and if you'd like you can go here to the Social Security Website to see just how popular some of your favorite names are !
So let's hear the names !
The Name Game
Well ! Since I have gotten such a response out of that little tidbit of how we are questioning names we might as well get this started and name the boy !
I have almost decided to give him a Chinese name, considering that no matter how much I eat or what time it is I am always hungry an hour later. *Snort*
The "S" thing. No, unlike the girls the boy will not have an "S" name. It wasn't really our plan from the beginning to name them all with that letter, but we happened to like the names and by the time #5 was on her way it seemed almost wrong not to, and oddly enough they fit into the "mold" that their names are.
We did consider an "S" name for him but the few that we liked were all associated with a boy that is a weirdo, or terribly mean, ya know...you just can't name him that knowing those kinds of things go with a name. You're just going to have trust me on that one, mkay ?
So far a few of the names we are considering :
Ashton
Asher
Brody
Caden
Jackson (which is our original name that we have had for 10 years, very popular now)
Didda's is sure that since it is a boy wee should name him Spongebob, or Diego, and somehow linked the name Coffee with a boy, but unfortunately I don't think we'll be going with any of those.
Oh and if you'd like you can go here to the Social Security Website to see just how popular some of your favorite names are !
So let's hear the names !
Monday, November 12, 2007
November 12
Monday
This weekend was quite uneventful. We shampooed carpets, I worked, we did yard work. Oh I did finally get the hose out and rinse off all the chalk paint monster footprints on the driveway from Halloween. And there you have it. I did get a new keyboard and mouse the other day due to MiMi grabbing a full soda and pouring it on the old ones. These are both wireless, and while they are cool and the keyboard can type even when you take it to the living room (Jam had to check on this)....I hate the keyboard. It's very much like a laptop keyboard, the keys are all flush and weird, and for some reason the "E" key either ignores me completely or tries to compensate the next time I hit it by putting up 3 god damn E's. Ugh. It makes transcription take much longer than it should.
I'm trying to make a list of what to get people for Christmas, not Didda though because after 15 minutes of Nickoloden commercials she has a wish list that amounts to about 5 grand, so her gifts should be easy. She sat up in bed the other night, eyes closed, pointed toward the wall and said "Mom ! I want that for Christmas !"
Let's see.....in other news we are trying to decide on a name for the male fetus. Since it is a boy and we used to have a named picked out that is now way overused we are lost. We like a few names, but still, can't decide.
Alrighty well, I am off ! Oh and I don't want to forget to say Happy Veteran's Day, to all of you !
We Love Our Troops, Past, Present and Future !! Thank You !
Monday
This weekend was quite uneventful. We shampooed carpets, I worked, we did yard work. Oh I did finally get the hose out and rinse off all the chalk paint monster footprints on the driveway from Halloween. And there you have it. I did get a new keyboard and mouse the other day due to MiMi grabbing a full soda and pouring it on the old ones. These are both wireless, and while they are cool and the keyboard can type even when you take it to the living room (Jam had to check on this)....I hate the keyboard. It's very much like a laptop keyboard, the keys are all flush and weird, and for some reason the "E" key either ignores me completely or tries to compensate the next time I hit it by putting up 3 god damn E's. Ugh. It makes transcription take much longer than it should.
I'm trying to make a list of what to get people for Christmas, not Didda though because after 15 minutes of Nickoloden commercials she has a wish list that amounts to about 5 grand, so her gifts should be easy. She sat up in bed the other night, eyes closed, pointed toward the wall and said "Mom ! I want that for Christmas !"
Let's see.....in other news we are trying to decide on a name for the male fetus. Since it is a boy and we used to have a named picked out that is now way overused we are lost. We like a few names, but still, can't decide.
Alrighty well, I am off ! Oh and I don't want to forget to say Happy Veteran's Day, to all of you !
We Love Our Troops, Past, Present and Future !! Thank You !
Thursday, November 08, 2007
November 08
Thursday or..."Friday Eve" as AuntieM says
I finally slept really well for 2 hours ! Mind you it was from 5 until 7 a.m. but hey , I am taking what I can get right now. I am in a crazy mind state right now. I mean I literally cannot shut my brain off all fucking night.
" Remember to pay this on this day....Oh I wonder how much is left in the kids lunch account ? ......I think the darker carpet would be better, I hope they still have that remnant at the carpet place.......damn we need carpet pad too.....It's 1:27 I can sleep until 3 when MiMi wakes up.....Damn I forgot call call and pay the insurance, what day did it say is expired ?.......I hope hubs drives careful tomorrow just in case......Did he take the trash out or not ?.....What the hell was that sound, hmmm JayDawg didn't move so it must be nothing, oh wait there it is again....shit what if it's a robber .....wait...what if they are stealing my truck ...dammit my cd's are in there....and the carseats.......guess I'll go peek. Sigh...it's 2:49 MiMi will wake up in a few so I might as well turn the t.v. back on ......................."
My doctor says I can take something for it but damn I'm not going to do it all the time, this baby will be so sleep drugged up that he'll be asleep until he's 7 if I do.
It's skate party night for the school tonight, so around 7 please bow your head and say a little prayer for me. Or, you can just take a shot of whatever alcohol you're closest to, whatever.
Jam's teacher will be there tonight and I know I haven't filled you all in on that situation. The last time we went to Kansas, her teacher made the remark to her that "you kids at this school just leave for weeks at a time on a whim and it is not acceptable for your education." Then she didn't give us all of her work before we left like we requested and proceeded to make Jam stay in for two recess's and send home notes saying it was not in on time after we got back. Last week after we got back Jam said out loud that her head was killing her and the teacher said " well you cannot go home because you absolutely cannot miss more school."
Hehehe. Really ? She can't ? Wanna bet ? First of all I will be damned if anyone attempts to dictate how many days of school my kids miss. I mean really I apologize about the fact that people in our family get chronically ill or die during the school year and if I could stop it I would, but I can't, so fucking deal. And, if you get off on saying shit like that to a 5th grader then you need to grow some balls and say it to her Momma. Intimidation is your tactic ? On a child ? If you like it so much then you'll love what I have in store for ya !
We've already had one chat about this, and if you tell my kid again that even if she is sick she can't leave....you'll wish you would have shut your mouth because you won't be able to shut it right for a while. Oh and then just for shits and giggles I'm gonna smack you with this Algebra for 9th graders you have her doing too. K, thanks, bye.
Thursday or..."Friday Eve" as AuntieM says
I finally slept really well for 2 hours ! Mind you it was from 5 until 7 a.m. but hey , I am taking what I can get right now. I am in a crazy mind state right now. I mean I literally cannot shut my brain off all fucking night.
" Remember to pay this on this day....Oh I wonder how much is left in the kids lunch account ? ......I think the darker carpet would be better, I hope they still have that remnant at the carpet place.......damn we need carpet pad too.....It's 1:27 I can sleep until 3 when MiMi wakes up.....Damn I forgot call call and pay the insurance, what day did it say is expired ?.......I hope hubs drives careful tomorrow just in case......Did he take the trash out or not ?.....What the hell was that sound, hmmm JayDawg didn't move so it must be nothing, oh wait there it is again....shit what if it's a robber .....wait...what if they are stealing my truck ...dammit my cd's are in there....and the carseats.......guess I'll go peek. Sigh...it's 2:49 MiMi will wake up in a few so I might as well turn the t.v. back on ......................."
My doctor says I can take something for it but damn I'm not going to do it all the time, this baby will be so sleep drugged up that he'll be asleep until he's 7 if I do.
It's skate party night for the school tonight, so around 7 please bow your head and say a little prayer for me. Or, you can just take a shot of whatever alcohol you're closest to, whatever.
Jam's teacher will be there tonight and I know I haven't filled you all in on that situation. The last time we went to Kansas, her teacher made the remark to her that "you kids at this school just leave for weeks at a time on a whim and it is not acceptable for your education." Then she didn't give us all of her work before we left like we requested and proceeded to make Jam stay in for two recess's and send home notes saying it was not in on time after we got back. Last week after we got back Jam said out loud that her head was killing her and the teacher said " well you cannot go home because you absolutely cannot miss more school."
Hehehe. Really ? She can't ? Wanna bet ? First of all I will be damned if anyone attempts to dictate how many days of school my kids miss. I mean really I apologize about the fact that people in our family get chronically ill or die during the school year and if I could stop it I would, but I can't, so fucking deal. And, if you get off on saying shit like that to a 5th grader then you need to grow some balls and say it to her Momma. Intimidation is your tactic ? On a child ? If you like it so much then you'll love what I have in store for ya !
We've already had one chat about this, and if you tell my kid again that even if she is sick she can't leave....you'll wish you would have shut your mouth because you won't be able to shut it right for a while. Oh and then just for shits and giggles I'm gonna smack you with this Algebra for 9th graders you have her doing too. K, thanks, bye.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Shazam !
I'm here I swear ! Jane ....see ? I'm here dammit !
Ok so, I have tons to say and nothing to say all at the same time. Nice...yeah I know. time to say a few and then I gotta come back tomorrow to chat and visit y'all.
The pics. The mummy, I made him...no Bob it's not hubs, he's not holding a golf club , a remote or a beer so that's how I tell the difference.
Uhm there is other shit I made too but I can't remember it all right now. My focus now is Christmas. Besides our own decorations Hubs just asked me a "favor" for his store deco's. I am such a sucker.
In other news....my mom's former boyfriend who is a habitual law breaker, constant drunk, convicted felon...blah blah blah. Anyway karma found his ass and but good I tell you ! that son of a bitch was so drunk that when he leaned on the porch railing that gave way he fell. Not just a fall mind you. He fell on his face and broke his back in two separate places. And, busted his face and teeth up. Ok. How drunk do you have to be to fall face first off of a porch and make NO attempt to brace yourself or even protect your face ?!?! I mean really !?!?!? If you happen to know the answer to that , it was a rhetorical question and I don't really want to know the answer. I know it sounds mean that I'm telling all about this. I have never wished physical harm on a person.....ever. Although, I've thought about it but didn't for fear something might happen. Anyway I am just saying that when a person such as this scum gets something near what he deserves I'll be damned if I don't smile a tiny bit.
Now, what else ....hhmmmm. Oh. I got my feelings hurt today . Oh hush, I know that sounds stupid but I did, and for whatever reason I didn't do my normal thing of coming back spewing poison to the person who did it, even though I could have VERY easily. I didn't. Not because I am above that sort of thing, but because I would have started crying while I was yelling. I am SUCH a girl. Blerf.
Oh and yes Proto....I know I'm a total slacker on updating here ! :p
I'm here I swear ! Jane ....see ? I'm here dammit !
Ok so, I have tons to say and nothing to say all at the same time. Nice...yeah I know. time to say a few and then I gotta come back tomorrow to chat and visit y'all.
The pics. The mummy, I made him...no Bob it's not hubs, he's not holding a golf club , a remote or a beer so that's how I tell the difference.
Uhm there is other shit I made too but I can't remember it all right now. My focus now is Christmas. Besides our own decorations Hubs just asked me a "favor" for his store deco's. I am such a sucker.
In other news....my mom's former boyfriend who is a habitual law breaker, constant drunk, convicted felon...blah blah blah. Anyway karma found his ass and but good I tell you ! that son of a bitch was so drunk that when he leaned on the porch railing that gave way he fell. Not just a fall mind you. He fell on his face and broke his back in two separate places. And, busted his face and teeth up. Ok. How drunk do you have to be to fall face first off of a porch and make NO attempt to brace yourself or even protect your face ?!?! I mean really !?!?!? If you happen to know the answer to that , it was a rhetorical question and I don't really want to know the answer. I know it sounds mean that I'm telling all about this. I have never wished physical harm on a person.....ever. Although, I've thought about it but didn't for fear something might happen. Anyway I am just saying that when a person such as this scum gets something near what he deserves I'll be damned if I don't smile a tiny bit.
Now, what else ....hhmmmm. Oh. I got my feelings hurt today . Oh hush, I know that sounds stupid but I did, and for whatever reason I didn't do my normal thing of coming back spewing poison to the person who did it, even though I could have VERY easily. I didn't. Not because I am above that sort of thing, but because I would have started crying while I was yelling. I am SUCH a girl. Blerf.
Oh and yes Proto....I know I'm a total slacker on updating here ! :p
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
September 19
Mmmm s'ghetti
We sat outside in the fall night air. Our neighbor came over and we all chatted for a bit. I mentioned that we'd heard his dog barking a few nights ago. No...I'm not the kind of person who bitches abut dogs barking. I mentioned it because out of the 3 years we've lived here we have heard this dog (Lexus a German Shepherd) bark maybe 3 times. (I didn't even believe they had a dog until we saw her through the open gate two years ago.)
Saying that sparked his memory and he told us why she was barking.
He went out early Saturday morning because his wife had said that Lexus was howling all night, and she was worried about her. He called to her and she never came around. He finally found her on the side of the house, struggling to walk. He said it was like her back end was paralyzed.
She whined when she saw him and laid back down. After he got over to her and got one of the outside light on he tried to examine her. She still couldn't stand so he put his hands on her haunches to try and help her. It was then he saw the problem. He grabbed her long fur and lifted it up and away from her skin. First he saw blood, then he saw maggots. Thousands of maggots. They took her to the vet and 1400.00, a complete shave down, approximately 1200 maggots, and 9 stitches later....she is home. Bald but, less any fly larva.
She'd gotten a cut from the kennel a few days earlier, and they didn't see the need to treat it I guess. The flies were quite happy about this lapse in judgement by the dog's owners and even happier that their new eggs would not only have a place to sleep but a place to eat as well. I guess what they say is true huh ? German shepherd meat is good eats ?
Ha. Yeah I know that's sick....but some days life is so.....just so that there is nothing to do but to tell the story of your neighbors dog and the maggots.
Mmmm s'ghetti
We sat outside in the fall night air. Our neighbor came over and we all chatted for a bit. I mentioned that we'd heard his dog barking a few nights ago. No...I'm not the kind of person who bitches abut dogs barking. I mentioned it because out of the 3 years we've lived here we have heard this dog (Lexus a German Shepherd) bark maybe 3 times. (I didn't even believe they had a dog until we saw her through the open gate two years ago.)
Saying that sparked his memory and he told us why she was barking.
He went out early Saturday morning because his wife had said that Lexus was howling all night, and she was worried about her. He called to her and she never came around. He finally found her on the side of the house, struggling to walk. He said it was like her back end was paralyzed.
She whined when she saw him and laid back down. After he got over to her and got one of the outside light on he tried to examine her. She still couldn't stand so he put his hands on her haunches to try and help her. It was then he saw the problem. He grabbed her long fur and lifted it up and away from her skin. First he saw blood, then he saw maggots. Thousands of maggots. They took her to the vet and 1400.00, a complete shave down, approximately 1200 maggots, and 9 stitches later....she is home. Bald but, less any fly larva.
She'd gotten a cut from the kennel a few days earlier, and they didn't see the need to treat it I guess. The flies were quite happy about this lapse in judgement by the dog's owners and even happier that their new eggs would not only have a place to sleep but a place to eat as well. I guess what they say is true huh ? German shepherd meat is good eats ?
Ha. Yeah I know that's sick....but some days life is so.....just so that there is nothing to do but to tell the story of your neighbors dog and the maggots.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
September 17
Let's dance the jig(saw)
I damn sure did ! I've been wanting one for some time now, and my good friend Mel happened upon two in a box of shit she bought at an auction last weekend. Meaning I inherited a saw !
So we all know what that means. Jess is gonna saw on some shit ! I am totally clueless as to what I'll be making with this contraption of mine, although I do think I'll start with something Halloween. I should say I'm going to try and start with something Halloween. But, considering the only power tool I've ever used is a rechargeable screwdriver, then it may turn out that I'm making nothing but a lopsided pumpkin, and a fingerless hand, the hand being mine.
Our AFLAC pays you like 5 grand if you cut your pinky finger off, and I'm quite sure I can function for the rest of my life without a pinky finger. (Just one of those things you look up to see how much it pays out of curiosity) So...here's to making Halloween decorations and coming out with just one less finger.
Now that I've said that I probably jinxed myself and my typing will be all fucked up because I jigsawed my pinky finger off. Wait, I don't think I'll be able to talk right either considering I talk with my hands so much. Not sign language, but more like " it was this big...and...that sonofabitch went clear over there!"
Shit. I'll be a bad typist and a mute.
Ok now I have to re-think this whole jigsaw plan and go to bed. My stomach is crazy too. We had breakfast burritos for dinner and my gut keeps making a toilet flushing sound.
Let's dance the jig(saw)
I damn sure did ! I've been wanting one for some time now, and my good friend Mel happened upon two in a box of shit she bought at an auction last weekend. Meaning I inherited a saw !
So we all know what that means. Jess is gonna saw on some shit ! I am totally clueless as to what I'll be making with this contraption of mine, although I do think I'll start with something Halloween. I should say I'm going to try and start with something Halloween. But, considering the only power tool I've ever used is a rechargeable screwdriver, then it may turn out that I'm making nothing but a lopsided pumpkin, and a fingerless hand, the hand being mine.
Our AFLAC pays you like 5 grand if you cut your pinky finger off, and I'm quite sure I can function for the rest of my life without a pinky finger. (Just one of those things you look up to see how much it pays out of curiosity) So...here's to making Halloween decorations and coming out with just one less finger.
Now that I've said that I probably jinxed myself and my typing will be all fucked up because I jigsawed my pinky finger off. Wait, I don't think I'll be able to talk right either considering I talk with my hands so much. Not sign language, but more like " it was this big...and...that sonofabitch went clear over there!"
Shit. I'll be a bad typist and a mute.
Ok now I have to re-think this whole jigsaw plan and go to bed. My stomach is crazy too. We had breakfast burritos for dinner and my gut keeps making a toilet flushing sound.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Yesterday was great ! We left a bit early so we could sit in on two other panels before mine. Hubs was sure it'd be boring and over his head and not his thing. But, he too had a good time !
The panel before mine was "How to Cultivate a Cult Following", and that is where I saw Aaron Raz who is the co-author of "What Becomes You", a book that I cannot wait to read. The other author of the book is Aaron's mom, which after you read the summary of the book might be surprising to many people. Anyway, I watched him speak, and I kind of love him, and although he has no idea he is my new BFF, like the kind that is your BFF but just doesn't know it, and might think it's sort of stalker-ish. But hey, stalker is nice compared to what else I've been called this week.
Also on that same panel was Amy Guth, author of "Three Fallen Women". Amy is a total smartass, and funny as hell. I love her too.
Oh and lest I not forget , Jami Attenberg, who besides writing a fanfuckingtastic book called "Instant Love" last year has a new book coming out "The Kept Man" , she read from that yesterday during our panel together and it's another I can't wait to read.
The moderator of my panel, "The Devil in Miss Jones" was Lauren Cerand who had never been to the Midwest, and thought everyone here was over the top nice. Which I found odd and I think maybe she just ran into people that weren't really from here, or they were high. Or, maybe both.
Oh ! I also met Daniel Curtis, the he started the Nebraska Arts Preserve, which hasn't been updated in ohhhh I dunno a LONG time, but regardless he is the first one who talked about me (nicely) and started the ball rolling for me to get where I am today. Yep right here still blogging. Thanks Daniel !
At the end of our panel, Lauren asked about one of the most risque, or secretive things I've written, something that got attention that was , well odd.
The story I told was about the entry below......
Friday, July 28, 2006
Is it a guy thing ?
Ok when hubs doesn't get his "rocks" off within a certain period time...say 4 days. He starts doing this thing at night. Half the time he's quite aware of it, and the other half, I think his wanker just does it's own thing.
Well...beings that yesterday was "4th Day"...that means two things...one...he's a fucking horndog, and two I will fear getting raped in my sleep all night.
So to head off this issue I tried something new. And, surrounded myself with pillows.
So when I start to wake for my 3:14 a.m. pee break...I hear him..he and someone/thing are gettin' it on like donkey kong.
He had the wrap around going and everything..on my poor innocent perky cotton pillow.
"Honey..uhm...wake up"....
"Ahem...*cough* honey ?"
"Dammit man ! Wake up ! You're dry humping a pillow !"
Yet after waking up ...he denies that he was trying to cross breed with a cotton/poly fill...some thing's are just too hard to deny..but hey I won't tell anyone.
I can't imagine trying to do that ...but then again, I'm pretty good at telling the difference between a wanker..and a pillow...
Now that I think about it, the reality that he couldn't tell the difference between a pillow and my ass...says a lot about the state of my ass right now.
Now, I don't normally make it a habit to talk about comments or emails I get about entries. They are a little secret, the emails especially. But for whatever reason this entry made someone mad. (Not hubs who didn't know I wrote this until yesterday ...just so happens he was in thr front row as I retold the story).
Okay the person it upset, I have no idea who it was, they sent me numerous emails about it. Some saying how wrong I was for telling the world about that, and then some saying that it's my own fault for not giving my husband enough sex.
*One would think that the person sending these was hubs but it wasn't I'd get them when he was upstairs or in meetings.*
I never understood why it made whoever so damn mad, or how in the hell it was their business that I told anyone and that I didn't want to have sex. But dam, saying it's my own fault for not giving it up enough, yeah hi 5 kids you asshole get a clue.
So, I thought about that a lot on the way home, and I doubt that it is anywhere close to the most risque thing I've written, but since hubs was there it only seemed fitting that I have a story about him having sex with inanimate objects.
The panel before mine was "How to Cultivate a Cult Following", and that is where I saw Aaron Raz who is the co-author of "What Becomes You", a book that I cannot wait to read. The other author of the book is Aaron's mom, which after you read the summary of the book might be surprising to many people. Anyway, I watched him speak, and I kind of love him, and although he has no idea he is my new BFF, like the kind that is your BFF but just doesn't know it, and might think it's sort of stalker-ish. But hey, stalker is nice compared to what else I've been called this week.
Also on that same panel was Amy Guth, author of "Three Fallen Women". Amy is a total smartass, and funny as hell. I love her too.
Oh and lest I not forget , Jami Attenberg, who besides writing a fanfuckingtastic book called "Instant Love" last year has a new book coming out "The Kept Man" , she read from that yesterday during our panel together and it's another I can't wait to read.
The moderator of my panel, "The Devil in Miss Jones" was Lauren Cerand who had never been to the Midwest, and thought everyone here was over the top nice. Which I found odd and I think maybe she just ran into people that weren't really from here, or they were high. Or, maybe both.
Oh ! I also met Daniel Curtis, the he started the Nebraska Arts Preserve, which hasn't been updated in ohhhh I dunno a LONG time, but regardless he is the first one who talked about me (nicely) and started the ball rolling for me to get where I am today. Yep right here still blogging. Thanks Daniel !
At the end of our panel, Lauren asked about one of the most risque, or secretive things I've written, something that got attention that was , well odd.
The story I told was about the entry below......
Friday, July 28, 2006
Is it a guy thing ?
Ok when hubs doesn't get his "rocks" off within a certain period time...say 4 days. He starts doing this thing at night. Half the time he's quite aware of it, and the other half, I think his wanker just does it's own thing.
Well...beings that yesterday was "4th Day"...that means two things...one...he's a fucking horndog, and two I will fear getting raped in my sleep all night.
So to head off this issue I tried something new. And, surrounded myself with pillows.
So when I start to wake for my 3:14 a.m. pee break...I hear him..he and someone/thing are gettin' it on like donkey kong.
He had the wrap around going and everything..on my poor innocent perky cotton pillow.
"Honey..uhm...wake up"....
"Ahem...*cough* honey ?"
"Dammit man ! Wake up ! You're dry humping a pillow !"
Yet after waking up ...he denies that he was trying to cross breed with a cotton/poly fill...some thing's are just too hard to deny..but hey I won't tell anyone.
I can't imagine trying to do that ...but then again, I'm pretty good at telling the difference between a wanker..and a pillow...
Now that I think about it, the reality that he couldn't tell the difference between a pillow and my ass...says a lot about the state of my ass right now.
Now, I don't normally make it a habit to talk about comments or emails I get about entries. They are a little secret, the emails especially. But for whatever reason this entry made someone mad. (Not hubs who didn't know I wrote this until yesterday ...just so happens he was in thr front row as I retold the story).
Okay the person it upset, I have no idea who it was, they sent me numerous emails about it. Some saying how wrong I was for telling the world about that, and then some saying that it's my own fault for not giving my husband enough sex.
*One would think that the person sending these was hubs but it wasn't I'd get them when he was upstairs or in meetings.*
I never understood why it made whoever so damn mad, or how in the hell it was their business that I told anyone and that I didn't want to have sex. But dam, saying it's my own fault for not giving it up enough, yeah hi 5 kids you asshole get a clue.
So, I thought about that a lot on the way home, and I doubt that it is anywhere close to the most risque thing I've written, but since hubs was there it only seemed fitting that I have a story about him having sex with inanimate objects.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
September 13
Mum is the word
Because I planted some is why. My "lamp" guy at Lowe's handed me, and Mel, some prices on mums that a girl can't refuse. So mums, I got.
Mums are my favorite. Mums are pretty. Mums bloom in all their glory when all the other flowers are getting tired and ready to leave the party.
Now see when I said "mum is the word" I meant ...the word to say as many times as I could, just because I can.
Mum.
Diddas did help me. She wanted to pick all the blooms right off and keep them in her purse (sidenote: if you lose anything at my house check Didda's purse) but I talked her into taking only one bloom and helping me plant to rest so they'd grow big and pretty. As soon as we'd get one planted she'd clap her hands, stomp her foot, and demand to the plants that they grow. As in, like right then.
We had a luncheon today for the 5th grade moms. it was a "who's who of the school." Ha not really, it turned out to be more of a who's who's mom get together. It is one of those things you think you'll never get caught up in. Well maybe you knew you'd get caught up in it. Me ? No way man. It's amazing to me how I can sit here and say that I'm not one of them, and then be one in the same breath.
I don't try to be or want to be. But, I think that makes me a "desirable" candidate to "them". Like I said I didn't want to get all caught up in it, but ten minutes into there I am talking about if my daughter marries her son then our grandkids would be beautiful, and they would not get married until after college but before medical school. They'd have to live close of course, and we both know we'd be the "best" Grandma.
Son of a bitch.
I lunch with the ladies and this is what happens. I walk in like I don't give a shit. I walk out having arranged a marriage for my 10-year-old, and a lunch date at the country club on Thursday.
Mum is the word
Because I planted some is why. My "lamp" guy at Lowe's handed me, and Mel, some prices on mums that a girl can't refuse. So mums, I got.
Mums are my favorite. Mums are pretty. Mums bloom in all their glory when all the other flowers are getting tired and ready to leave the party.
Now see when I said "mum is the word" I meant ...the word to say as many times as I could, just because I can.
Mum.
Diddas did help me. She wanted to pick all the blooms right off and keep them in her purse (sidenote: if you lose anything at my house check Didda's purse) but I talked her into taking only one bloom and helping me plant to rest so they'd grow big and pretty. As soon as we'd get one planted she'd clap her hands, stomp her foot, and demand to the plants that they grow. As in, like right then.
We had a luncheon today for the 5th grade moms. it was a "who's who of the school." Ha not really, it turned out to be more of a who's who's mom get together. It is one of those things you think you'll never get caught up in. Well maybe you knew you'd get caught up in it. Me ? No way man. It's amazing to me how I can sit here and say that I'm not one of them, and then be one in the same breath.
I don't try to be or want to be. But, I think that makes me a "desirable" candidate to "them". Like I said I didn't want to get all caught up in it, but ten minutes into there I am talking about if my daughter marries her son then our grandkids would be beautiful, and they would not get married until after college but before medical school. They'd have to live close of course, and we both know we'd be the "best" Grandma.
Son of a bitch.
I lunch with the ladies and this is what happens. I walk in like I don't give a shit. I walk out having arranged a marriage for my 10-year-old, and a lunch date at the country club on Thursday.
Monday, September 10, 2007
September 10
Let's Play Dress Up !
Ok after getting emails, and ideas on comments from people on what I should wear to the LitFest....I thought it might be a fun little game to play !
So, your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to find me the perfect outfit !!
#1. An outfit that I would wear, as in you think it suits me personality wise, etc.
and
#2. An off the wall, funny, or just flat out terrible ensemble !
Now, #1 and #2 cannot be the same so don't go thinking you are smart and say I'd really wear one of the #2 choices.
Email me the pics at : samvanso2129@msn.com, then I'll post them with your name in the photo album.
Ok ! You have until midnight Tuesday, go !
Let's Play Dress Up !
Ok after getting emails, and ideas on comments from people on what I should wear to the LitFest....I thought it might be a fun little game to play !
So, your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to find me the perfect outfit !!
#1. An outfit that I would wear, as in you think it suits me personality wise, etc.
and
#2. An off the wall, funny, or just flat out terrible ensemble !
Now, #1 and #2 cannot be the same so don't go thinking you are smart and say I'd really wear one of the #2 choices.
Email me the pics at : samvanso2129@msn.com, then I'll post them with your name in the photo album.
Ok ! You have until midnight Tuesday, go !
Sunday, September 09, 2007
September 09
Nice
I got an email from Timothy Schaffert saying that "the panelists were more than welcome to bring postcards, buttons, magnets, and any other promotional materials for your books and/or related projects."
Nice. I of course just canceled the blimp appearance with the saying "Who's Your Momma ?!" for fear that it would be too much, now he says I can bring shit !?!?
I think he threw in "related projects" because I am the only one there without a book or nine. I mean hey I'd write a book, but damn have you seen books ? They're like huge ! And all those pages. I dunno about that.
And, I have tons of buttons laying around but I mean who wants all my extra shirt buttons ? I don't get it.
Of course I have no idea once again what the hell I'm going to wear. You know how you want to appear "well dressed, smart, pretty, and approachable" when you do a thing like this. No outfit I have says all those things at once. And, yes I already tried all my outfits on together to see if it worked and it just looked like I had 13 outfits on.
Ok well hubs is home so that means I have to do the whole "wife" thing and "make him some dinner", but he also just volunteered to hold up giant signs with my blog address during my panel, oh wait, he just volunteered to streak naked and do the Arsenio Hall woot too. I just informed him that if he does I'll be introducing him as my ex-husband.
Nice
I got an email from Timothy Schaffert saying that "the panelists were more than welcome to bring postcards, buttons, magnets, and any other promotional materials for your books and/or related projects."
Nice. I of course just canceled the blimp appearance with the saying "Who's Your Momma ?!" for fear that it would be too much, now he says I can bring shit !?!?
I think he threw in "related projects" because I am the only one there without a book or nine. I mean hey I'd write a book, but damn have you seen books ? They're like huge ! And all those pages. I dunno about that.
And, I have tons of buttons laying around but I mean who wants all my extra shirt buttons ? I don't get it.
Of course I have no idea once again what the hell I'm going to wear. You know how you want to appear "well dressed, smart, pretty, and approachable" when you do a thing like this. No outfit I have says all those things at once. And, yes I already tried all my outfits on together to see if it worked and it just looked like I had 13 outfits on.
Ok well hubs is home so that means I have to do the whole "wife" thing and "make him some dinner", but he also just volunteered to hold up giant signs with my blog address during my panel, oh wait, he just volunteered to streak naked and do the Arsenio Hall woot too. I just informed him that if he does I'll be introducing him as my ex-husband.
Friday, September 07, 2007
September 04
Continued from "The Hoaster Coaster"
Hubs stayed with the older 3 while they did bumper cars and I took Didda over to drive cars that were her size. Walking...I mean waddling and blubbering...in front of me , two ladies , one pushing a stroller inside the stroller was a 4 year old child fat as her mom, drinking a (I kid you not) a baby bottle full of pepsi and eating a damned funnel cake.
Let me say that when I call a child fat, I mean fat, not chubba wubba baby fat, I mean the kid is in adult diapers at 1 year and has legs so fat that their little baby legs rub together and threaten to start a fire.
I start to sort of snicker for no reason really, well besides the obvious, when the one pushing the stroller looks off to the side.
I realize then that I recognize her. And, this my friends is no good recognization.
As my blood starts to boil, I think I'm handling myself quite well. Then Didda asks me why I'm trying to squeeze her fingers off and tells me it's not nice. Woopsy.
We take a small detour to avoid being behind them any longer and make our way to the little cars. Where, lo and behold, there she is again. Son. of. a. bitch. *Gritting teeth*
Breathe iiiinn. Breathe oooout.
(Only one word pops into my head right then. The "C" word. I don't even use that word, or like that word to be used. Which I believe is why it came up. It's something very very bad in my head and most people's, and she is #2 on the list of my "C" word people. Number one on that list is #1 for a damn good reason, and #2 is there because she helped #1).
This sucks.
I stand there wondering to myself if she knows that the only thing saving her from getting her ratty pimpled cellulite face ripped clean off is the fact that my 3 year old daughter is standing right here. For a split second, I pondered if it would really damage my little girl that much to see such a thing.
I wonder if she even sees me.
I wonder too if the cops would make it there before I was finished.
I suppose you are wondering who this woman is, and why I have such a serious, serious, problem with her. Uhm well, I can't tell ya.
Ha. I'm kidding. Of course I will tell you ! Just not today.
September 07
Paul Harvey says : And now...for the rest of the story
A long time ago in a land far way.......... (4 years ago and about 5 blocks over). I was pregnant. (Shocking I know), with Didda.
Hubs and I played volleyball weekly with a few people from his now former store, and had a great time. Well, beings that I was pregnant and unable to play anymore they had to find someone to take my spot. Little did I know at the time that the person that was chosen had intentions of taking my spot on the volleyball team, and more.
The woman was someone who I had never particularly liked per say, but I didn't hate her.
As soon as the volleyball started rumors began to fly around the store. She had told a few of the people I talked with daily some things that were, well, suspicious. She loved his eyes. She loved the way he could make people laugh. She loved that he was there alone every week.
This all on top of her saying in the same sentence that her and her husband were on the verge of a divorce.
I stayed mute on the subject to hubs for awhile, thinking that it was no big deal and really there is no denying how pretty his eyes really are. But, after weeks of this. I just couldn't take it any longer.
I calmly confronted my husband one night after he started talking about her and how she's having such a hard time, how she tells him everything, and asks him about everything in his life. He was dumbfounded that I could think such a horrible thing about her, that she was after my man. He said I was being silly, and dumb for listening to rumors.
Rumors that also included "C" word #2 from previously constantly saying "how cute they are together", and telling her to "go for it."
So then one night before volleyball. I decided that I'd tag along. Hubs on the other hand thought this was a bad idea, fearing that I would " make a scene." Ha. Making a scene was definitely part of the plan I tell ya. I didn't end up going, although he took the older two girls with him. I sat and waited patiently. And, I waited....not so patiently. An hour after it was time for them to be home, I was hot.
I just knew that they were all there together probably eating burgers and laughing. My two girl too, probably warming up to their soon to be step mommy.
I tried to call his phone and there was no answer.
They walked through the door soon after and I sent the girls to their rooms.
No words came out of my mouth at that point in time. Honestly I couldn't think straight.
Now I feel that I should tell you that when I am pregnant my body somehow taps into some strange super human strength capsule that I have hidden deep inside my uterus.
As hubs stood by the door still not even knowing what was going on. I picked up the lazy boy recliner, heaved it over my head and straight towards him, barely missing. Only barely because he stood there frozen not believing that a giant chair was sailing through the air at him, so it took him a second to respond.
After saying all the things I felt I needed to say. He acted like he hated me. He said he couldn't believe I couldn't trust him, and that he was only being a friend to her, and she would never do such a thing, and that she thought I was such a good person.
Weeks went by and only short snippets of conversation happened between him and I.
Then, one day, out of the clear blue. He came home from work, sat down across from me and said that it was now obvious that she wanted more than someone to talk to. She cried when he told her he could no longer be the friend she confided in, she said how much she hated me and how jealous she was of my life.
I never suspected that anything happened besides the talking really, I feared that it could. And, him not believing me and trusting what I was trying to tell him hurt more than anything. He did realize shit, finally, but just about when it was too late.
Soon after that store closed and there was a party at a local pub. I acted so excited to go and like my only reason for it was to say goodbye to the people who were being relocated. All the while, a relocation of someone else was on my mind.
Krissy's husband worked at that store too, he was one of the people who'd filled me in on other things.
Krissy and I , are a very good team when it comes to certain things. And, cornering a bitch in the bathroom is one of those things.
That my friends, is where the story that you hear ends. The rest of it, is all in here. <---Pointing at my head.
Continued from "The Hoaster Coaster"
Hubs stayed with the older 3 while they did bumper cars and I took Didda over to drive cars that were her size. Walking...I mean waddling and blubbering...in front of me , two ladies , one pushing a stroller inside the stroller was a 4 year old child fat as her mom, drinking a (I kid you not) a baby bottle full of pepsi and eating a damned funnel cake.
Let me say that when I call a child fat, I mean fat, not chubba wubba baby fat, I mean the kid is in adult diapers at 1 year and has legs so fat that their little baby legs rub together and threaten to start a fire.
I start to sort of snicker for no reason really, well besides the obvious, when the one pushing the stroller looks off to the side.
I realize then that I recognize her. And, this my friends is no good recognization.
As my blood starts to boil, I think I'm handling myself quite well. Then Didda asks me why I'm trying to squeeze her fingers off and tells me it's not nice. Woopsy.
We take a small detour to avoid being behind them any longer and make our way to the little cars. Where, lo and behold, there she is again. Son. of. a. bitch. *Gritting teeth*
Breathe iiiinn. Breathe oooout.
(Only one word pops into my head right then. The "C" word. I don't even use that word, or like that word to be used. Which I believe is why it came up. It's something very very bad in my head and most people's, and she is #2 on the list of my "C" word people. Number one on that list is #1 for a damn good reason, and #2 is there because she helped #1).
This sucks.
I stand there wondering to myself if she knows that the only thing saving her from getting her ratty pimpled cellulite face ripped clean off is the fact that my 3 year old daughter is standing right here. For a split second, I pondered if it would really damage my little girl that much to see such a thing.
I wonder if she even sees me.
I wonder too if the cops would make it there before I was finished.
I suppose you are wondering who this woman is, and why I have such a serious, serious, problem with her. Uhm well, I can't tell ya.
Ha. I'm kidding. Of course I will tell you ! Just not today.
September 07
Paul Harvey says : And now...for the rest of the story
A long time ago in a land far way.......... (4 years ago and about 5 blocks over). I was pregnant. (Shocking I know), with Didda.
Hubs and I played volleyball weekly with a few people from his now former store, and had a great time. Well, beings that I was pregnant and unable to play anymore they had to find someone to take my spot. Little did I know at the time that the person that was chosen had intentions of taking my spot on the volleyball team, and more.
The woman was someone who I had never particularly liked per say, but I didn't hate her.
As soon as the volleyball started rumors began to fly around the store. She had told a few of the people I talked with daily some things that were, well, suspicious. She loved his eyes. She loved the way he could make people laugh. She loved that he was there alone every week.
This all on top of her saying in the same sentence that her and her husband were on the verge of a divorce.
I stayed mute on the subject to hubs for awhile, thinking that it was no big deal and really there is no denying how pretty his eyes really are. But, after weeks of this. I just couldn't take it any longer.
I calmly confronted my husband one night after he started talking about her and how she's having such a hard time, how she tells him everything, and asks him about everything in his life. He was dumbfounded that I could think such a horrible thing about her, that she was after my man. He said I was being silly, and dumb for listening to rumors.
Rumors that also included "C" word #2 from previously constantly saying "how cute they are together", and telling her to "go for it."
So then one night before volleyball. I decided that I'd tag along. Hubs on the other hand thought this was a bad idea, fearing that I would " make a scene." Ha. Making a scene was definitely part of the plan I tell ya. I didn't end up going, although he took the older two girls with him. I sat and waited patiently. And, I waited....not so patiently. An hour after it was time for them to be home, I was hot.
I just knew that they were all there together probably eating burgers and laughing. My two girl too, probably warming up to their soon to be step mommy.
I tried to call his phone and there was no answer.
They walked through the door soon after and I sent the girls to their rooms.
No words came out of my mouth at that point in time. Honestly I couldn't think straight.
Now I feel that I should tell you that when I am pregnant my body somehow taps into some strange super human strength capsule that I have hidden deep inside my uterus.
As hubs stood by the door still not even knowing what was going on. I picked up the lazy boy recliner, heaved it over my head and straight towards him, barely missing. Only barely because he stood there frozen not believing that a giant chair was sailing through the air at him, so it took him a second to respond.
After saying all the things I felt I needed to say. He acted like he hated me. He said he couldn't believe I couldn't trust him, and that he was only being a friend to her, and she would never do such a thing, and that she thought I was such a good person.
Weeks went by and only short snippets of conversation happened between him and I.
Then, one day, out of the clear blue. He came home from work, sat down across from me and said that it was now obvious that she wanted more than someone to talk to. She cried when he told her he could no longer be the friend she confided in, she said how much she hated me and how jealous she was of my life.
I never suspected that anything happened besides the talking really, I feared that it could. And, him not believing me and trusting what I was trying to tell him hurt more than anything. He did realize shit, finally, but just about when it was too late.
Soon after that store closed and there was a party at a local pub. I acted so excited to go and like my only reason for it was to say goodbye to the people who were being relocated. All the while, a relocation of someone else was on my mind.
Krissy's husband worked at that store too, he was one of the people who'd filled me in on other things.
Krissy and I , are a very good team when it comes to certain things. And, cornering a bitch in the bathroom is one of those things.
That my friends, is where the story that you hear ends. The rest of it, is all in here. <---Pointing at my head.
Monday, August 27, 2007
The Hoaster Coaster
For well over a month now Didda has had an obsession with hoaster coasters aka: roller coasters, that and hopter copters...ok don't ask why she says those like that I have no idea she can talk all fine and good but sometimes she says things and we think they're funny and she keeps saying it like that.
Ok back to the story.
After many many days and nights of asking when she can go on a hoaster coaster, we told her yesterday that tomorrow she gets to go.
She was so ready ! She even put on her ballerina dress and asked if she could wear it to drive the coaster .
We had to park blocks away from the fair, and the child's feet never touched the ground between the truck and that ride. She floated the whole way.
Finally, it was her time.
Here she is ! Such a big girl and ready to ride !
It started to crawl and she got more and more excited, 5 feet, 10 feet, and away they went !
This is the first lap around !
Here she is on the last lap !
She gets off white as a sheet, wide eyed, and wobbly legged and I say " Didda was it fun !?!? Are you ready to go again !?!? "
"No Momma ! I want to go home and take a nap ! Take me home ! I don't like it here anymore , and I want to leave now !" *stomps her foot*
Well !
So if you want to piss her off just ask her if she's ready to go on the hoaster coaster again, seems to do the trick.
We did have a good time though, they big girls rode tons of rides and no one puked !
Heh. Well, for about 30 more minutes we had fun.
Then.....................................
*Yawn* I'm wiped ! I'll tell ya the rest tomorrow.
For well over a month now Didda has had an obsession with hoaster coasters aka: roller coasters, that and hopter copters...ok don't ask why she says those like that I have no idea she can talk all fine and good but sometimes she says things and we think they're funny and she keeps saying it like that.
Ok back to the story.
After many many days and nights of asking when she can go on a hoaster coaster, we told her yesterday that tomorrow she gets to go.
She was so ready ! She even put on her ballerina dress and asked if she could wear it to drive the coaster .
We had to park blocks away from the fair, and the child's feet never touched the ground between the truck and that ride. She floated the whole way.
Finally, it was her time.
Here she is ! Such a big girl and ready to ride !
It started to crawl and she got more and more excited, 5 feet, 10 feet, and away they went !
This is the first lap around !
Here she is on the last lap !
She gets off white as a sheet, wide eyed, and wobbly legged and I say " Didda was it fun !?!? Are you ready to go again !?!? "
"No Momma ! I want to go home and take a nap ! Take me home ! I don't like it here anymore , and I want to leave now !" *stomps her foot*
Well !
So if you want to piss her off just ask her if she's ready to go on the hoaster coaster again, seems to do the trick.
We did have a good time though, they big girls rode tons of rides and no one puked !
Heh. Well, for about 30 more minutes we had fun.
Then.....................................
*Yawn* I'm wiped ! I'll tell ya the rest tomorrow.
Friday, August 24, 2007
August 24
The First of (hopefully) at Least Few Good Announcements !
It was confirmed last Saturday that for the second year I am invited to speak at the Omaha LitFest ! I was there last year and didn't say a whole lot about it beforehand, I mentioned it but, that was about it, this year, I am cordially inviting you to come !
It is September 14th and 15th, I'll be "appearing on the 15th", I'll be there the 14th too, but I'll be in disguise as to not get recognized and mobbed by fans ya know.
The panel I'm on this year is : The Devil in Miss Jones: The Panel about Women Writing on the Edge.
You can see my name on the list along with many other people who really are writers right here : Omaha LitFest Writers.
Other than that my week had been busy yet boring. Don't ask me how. I'm tired and bitchy, which I know is such a shocking statement coming from me !
The First of (hopefully) at Least Few Good Announcements !
It was confirmed last Saturday that for the second year I am invited to speak at the Omaha LitFest ! I was there last year and didn't say a whole lot about it beforehand, I mentioned it but, that was about it, this year, I am cordially inviting you to come !
It is September 14th and 15th, I'll be "appearing on the 15th", I'll be there the 14th too, but I'll be in disguise as to not get recognized and mobbed by fans ya know.
The panel I'm on this year is : The Devil in Miss Jones: The Panel about Women Writing on the Edge.
You can see my name on the list along with many other people who really are writers right here : Omaha LitFest Writers.
Other than that my week had been busy yet boring. Don't ask me how. I'm tired and bitchy, which I know is such a shocking statement coming from me !
Monday, August 20, 2007
August 20
It's just Monday
I don't know if anywhere else is having the same problem we here in and around Omaha are having ? We have got an overabundance of spiders outside. They are everywhere. Wolf spiders mostly, then the rest are some fat butted crunchy looking things. They have webs all over the flowers and vines, and up against the houses. Everyone I've talked to around here is having this issue.
Anyway.
This morning as we were leaving for school the girls spotted a huge spider web stretching from the front porch railing across to the front windows. Meaning that getting to the truck would entail walking through the web of this nasty fat butted crunchy thing.
They all came back inside and I went out and grabbed a little bamboo stick that was laying on the porch. I was standing on my tiptoes wrapping the web around the stick and trying to knock the spider from the one string he had left. Oh I was also saying shit out loud, which is what I do when I fight with things. I was saying " waaaasah ! And, hiiii--ya !". It helps trust me.
Apparently, when you are across the street standing on your front porch looking over it appears that I look like I'm a practicing witch while I stretch on my toes and wave a "magic wand" at nothing but air and chanting. Which sent my neighbor into a fit of laughter that made him unable to explain what in the holy hell he was laughing at, because believe me there was not a damn thing funny about it, including the fact that he so easily thought I was a witch.
If I were a witch, I'd have a much better wand that had some sparkles on it.
It's just Monday
I don't know if anywhere else is having the same problem we here in and around Omaha are having ? We have got an overabundance of spiders outside. They are everywhere. Wolf spiders mostly, then the rest are some fat butted crunchy looking things. They have webs all over the flowers and vines, and up against the houses. Everyone I've talked to around here is having this issue.
Anyway.
This morning as we were leaving for school the girls spotted a huge spider web stretching from the front porch railing across to the front windows. Meaning that getting to the truck would entail walking through the web of this nasty fat butted crunchy thing.
They all came back inside and I went out and grabbed a little bamboo stick that was laying on the porch. I was standing on my tiptoes wrapping the web around the stick and trying to knock the spider from the one string he had left. Oh I was also saying shit out loud, which is what I do when I fight with things. I was saying " waaaasah ! And, hiiii--ya !". It helps trust me.
Apparently, when you are across the street standing on your front porch looking over it appears that I look like I'm a practicing witch while I stretch on my toes and wave a "magic wand" at nothing but air and chanting. Which sent my neighbor into a fit of laughter that made him unable to explain what in the holy hell he was laughing at, because believe me there was not a damn thing funny about it, including the fact that he so easily thought I was a witch.
If I were a witch, I'd have a much better wand that had some sparkles on it.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
August 16
Whew !
The girls started school Monday and the week has flown by ! Jam and Bana both require more work getting ready now than ever. You know hair has to be cute and acceptable, I don't fight them on it though, I mean no one wants to be the mom of one of the girls that has pony tail bumps leftover from two days ago or just washed it and didn't bother brushing it.
I also don't want to be the mom of one of the kids who eats glue, and if I find out one of the little shit's is eating glue I'll beat 'em, I tell ya.
Mimi is getting close to cutting her first tooth and the girl is almost Satan. And, if Satan was a momma's girl then she is Satan reborn. Every morning for the past week I've woke up in the morning and shoved my finger in her mouth to see if today is the day. Still nada. Dammit. Watch...I probably just cursed myself and she'll be teething for 27 months.
Hubs has only had one contact with "stalker" since the initial incident. They called him to talk about unemployment. From what we heard the person was transferred to another facility for a longer term sort of thing. Which is a very good thing considering they also asked during the last phone call if his full name was....well you know...and yes it is.
I've been better than I normally am with worrying about it. I keep an eye out and all but no panic attacks, until last night when one of our neighborhoods newest residents made a hell of a racket right below our bedroom window and about scared the piss out of me. Oh the new residents are raccoons by the way. Little bastards. Like the whole world doesn't know I hate critters ? So yeah it sent me right into a tizzy.
Whew !
The girls started school Monday and the week has flown by ! Jam and Bana both require more work getting ready now than ever. You know hair has to be cute and acceptable, I don't fight them on it though, I mean no one wants to be the mom of one of the girls that has pony tail bumps leftover from two days ago or just washed it and didn't bother brushing it.
I also don't want to be the mom of one of the kids who eats glue, and if I find out one of the little shit's is eating glue I'll beat 'em, I tell ya.
Mimi is getting close to cutting her first tooth and the girl is almost Satan. And, if Satan was a momma's girl then she is Satan reborn. Every morning for the past week I've woke up in the morning and shoved my finger in her mouth to see if today is the day. Still nada. Dammit. Watch...I probably just cursed myself and she'll be teething for 27 months.
Hubs has only had one contact with "stalker" since the initial incident. They called him to talk about unemployment. From what we heard the person was transferred to another facility for a longer term sort of thing. Which is a very good thing considering they also asked during the last phone call if his full name was....well you know...and yes it is.
I've been better than I normally am with worrying about it. I keep an eye out and all but no panic attacks, until last night when one of our neighborhoods newest residents made a hell of a racket right below our bedroom window and about scared the piss out of me. Oh the new residents are raccoons by the way. Little bastards. Like the whole world doesn't know I hate critters ? So yeah it sent me right into a tizzy.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
August 09
So..I'm easily irritated , shut the hell up about it.
Yesterday there was yet another article that referred to the book I talked about the other day. This one though was about the so-called "Mommy Wars".
Ya know, Moms who seem to compete with each other over stupid shit. They hate each other because of how they "Mommy" , and how the other person doesn't "Mommy" the same way.
The thing about this is, maybe some Moms hate each other because of that reason.
But me ? The other Moms I hate, are because they're bitches, or stupid, or both.......really.
I would have hated them in middle school, and I would have tried to fight them in high school.
And, I still hate them.
I'll be the first to admit that 80% of the moms I hate I don't even know. Pfftt. You don't have to "know" them to know them. Know what I mean ? Maybe they still bathe their 11 year old, hell I don't really know or care to know. That'd make me hate them more, but really I don't give a shit how they mother, I just don't like them and I damn sure don't want to be their friend.
Maybe these articles are written by people who are on the outside looking in, maybe they live in glass houses and watch the world through rose colored glasses and blinders on only seeing what they want to see. Maybe in other parts of the country this Mommy War is a real issue. If it's that bad someone should call a summit on Mommy Wars or something.
It'd be great.
The "I think I'm too good for you Moms" would have to sit next to the "Moms with tattoos", and the " Moms who party" and they'd be all like "Oh.My.Gawd.Like.What. Do.I.Do.Becky?" And, Becky would say "Hey Beth I know you think you're above tattoos and drinking a beer but I have to tell you that my back is covered in tattoos, I went out to 4 bars with my husband last night and my kids ate cheetos and Dr. Pepper for dinner, now what bitch !?"
Then Beth would be like "*Sob*Sob* Oh my gawd Becky ! I have to tell you the truth ! I was always scared and intimidated by tattoos and beer drinkers, but now I see the truth . I was wrong and stupid !"
Then the "Tattoo Moms, Beer Moms, Crunchy Moms, I Thought I was Too Good For You Moms, Moms Who Work Outside of The Home, Stay-at-Home Moms, RockStar Moms, Richer than God Moms, Poorer Than Dirt Moms", would alllll get along .
The End.
So..I'm easily irritated , shut the hell up about it.
Yesterday there was yet another article that referred to the book I talked about the other day. This one though was about the so-called "Mommy Wars".
Ya know, Moms who seem to compete with each other over stupid shit. They hate each other because of how they "Mommy" , and how the other person doesn't "Mommy" the same way.
The thing about this is, maybe some Moms hate each other because of that reason.
But me ? The other Moms I hate, are because they're bitches, or stupid, or both.......really.
I would have hated them in middle school, and I would have tried to fight them in high school.
And, I still hate them.
I'll be the first to admit that 80% of the moms I hate I don't even know. Pfftt. You don't have to "know" them to know them. Know what I mean ? Maybe they still bathe their 11 year old, hell I don't really know or care to know. That'd make me hate them more, but really I don't give a shit how they mother, I just don't like them and I damn sure don't want to be their friend.
Maybe these articles are written by people who are on the outside looking in, maybe they live in glass houses and watch the world through rose colored glasses and blinders on only seeing what they want to see. Maybe in other parts of the country this Mommy War is a real issue. If it's that bad someone should call a summit on Mommy Wars or something.
It'd be great.
The "I think I'm too good for you Moms" would have to sit next to the "Moms with tattoos", and the " Moms who party" and they'd be all like "Oh.My.Gawd.Like.What. Do.I.Do.Becky?" And, Becky would say "Hey Beth I know you think you're above tattoos and drinking a beer but I have to tell you that my back is covered in tattoos, I went out to 4 bars with my husband last night and my kids ate cheetos and Dr. Pepper for dinner, now what bitch !?"
Then Beth would be like "*Sob*Sob* Oh my gawd Becky ! I have to tell you the truth ! I was always scared and intimidated by tattoos and beer drinkers, but now I see the truth . I was wrong and stupid !"
Then the "Tattoo Moms, Beer Moms, Crunchy Moms, I Thought I was Too Good For You Moms, Moms Who Work Outside of The Home, Stay-at-Home Moms, RockStar Moms, Richer than God Moms, Poorer Than Dirt Moms", would alllll get along .
The End.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
August 07
Snippets ==
Poor Didda. After telling her that she must be 5 years old to go to school she gets up every morning and asks me " Mommy, can I be 5 today ?" Sorry pumpkin, no can do.
She also likes to pretend and loves the fact that she can be whoever she wants to be. Usually she's "Margaret". But, she takes it a bit too far when she gets in trouble and decides that it was not her who did it, it was "Margaret" and since she was not "Didda" when she performed the act that caused trouble then there should be no punishment.
I really hope this is an imagination thing and not a schizophrenic thing.
********************************************************************************
After getting attacked at work on Saturday by a very mentally unstable employee,(ex-employee now) my husband has been quite on edge. It didn't help matters any when he received a phone call from the person yesterday, straight from the looney bin. At the end of the call, the person declared their love for him and informed him that they will be calling for him again. 72 hours in the bin is just not long enough.
*********************************************************************************
This morning there was almost a horrible accident in front of us on a busy two lane street. Let me just say that if you are 109 years old and you can't think straight, not to mention ride a bike straight then do not ride on the fucking street ! What's scary is I bet he still has a driver's license too.
*********************************************************************************
Oligodendroglioma-- is a total pain in the ass to spell when the person saying it sounds like they have a mouthful of marbles.
*********************************************************************************
Tomorrow I get to suffer through a skating party for two-hours. I promised they could go before school starts and I'll be damned if it doesn't start next week.
********************************************************************************
Snippets ==
Poor Didda. After telling her that she must be 5 years old to go to school she gets up every morning and asks me " Mommy, can I be 5 today ?" Sorry pumpkin, no can do.
She also likes to pretend and loves the fact that she can be whoever she wants to be. Usually she's "Margaret". But, she takes it a bit too far when she gets in trouble and decides that it was not her who did it, it was "Margaret" and since she was not "Didda" when she performed the act that caused trouble then there should be no punishment.
I really hope this is an imagination thing and not a schizophrenic thing.
********************************************************************************
After getting attacked at work on Saturday by a very mentally unstable employee,(ex-employee now) my husband has been quite on edge. It didn't help matters any when he received a phone call from the person yesterday, straight from the looney bin. At the end of the call, the person declared their love for him and informed him that they will be calling for him again. 72 hours in the bin is just not long enough.
*********************************************************************************
This morning there was almost a horrible accident in front of us on a busy two lane street. Let me just say that if you are 109 years old and you can't think straight, not to mention ride a bike straight then do not ride on the fucking street ! What's scary is I bet he still has a driver's license too.
*********************************************************************************
Oligodendroglioma-- is a total pain in the ass to spell when the person saying it sounds like they have a mouthful of marbles.
*********************************************************************************
Tomorrow I get to suffer through a skating party for two-hours. I promised they could go before school starts and I'll be damned if it doesn't start next week.
********************************************************************************
Friday, August 03, 2007
August 02
Is It Bad ?
That I've been wasted on tequila for 4 days now ? Ha. No no no. Not that it didn't sound appealing I didn't even have one margarita. Blerf.
Not a lot to report over the past few days really. I took the girls shopping with the money they got for good grades from their Grandma. They spent very wisely.
I've always said my girls are the best. The most beautiful, the most intelligent, out of this world personalities.
But.
When you realize that they have taken the my gift of clearance shopping and bought so much with a 20 spot that you'd think they were con artists ...it just makes ya wanna cry.
It's true. My children are supremely perfect.
Oh and then, tonight I went to Walgreen's to get baby formula. The lady behind the cosmetics counter mentioned that she was throwing samples of a new product line in my bag I said " honey dump the whole tray in there free samples are like gold at my house."
I walked out of there with a bag of samples bigger than the bag that held the baby formula. Uhm, I didn't even know they had samples like that at Walgreen's !
She said most people don't and usually they only give them out if people ask.
So listen carefully, go there and ask to see all the sample trays and load up ! Tons of facewash, bodywash, and face masks, moisturizers, and I got so much anti-aging and anti-wrinkle cream that I'm gonna look like a toddler when I die at the ripe old age of 149.
Ah well, it's nice outside so I think I'll go anchor my ass to a patio chair .
Is It Bad ?
That I've been wasted on tequila for 4 days now ? Ha. No no no. Not that it didn't sound appealing I didn't even have one margarita. Blerf.
Not a lot to report over the past few days really. I took the girls shopping with the money they got for good grades from their Grandma. They spent very wisely.
I've always said my girls are the best. The most beautiful, the most intelligent, out of this world personalities.
But.
When you realize that they have taken the my gift of clearance shopping and bought so much with a 20 spot that you'd think they were con artists ...it just makes ya wanna cry.
It's true. My children are supremely perfect.
Oh and then, tonight I went to Walgreen's to get baby formula. The lady behind the cosmetics counter mentioned that she was throwing samples of a new product line in my bag I said " honey dump the whole tray in there free samples are like gold at my house."
I walked out of there with a bag of samples bigger than the bag that held the baby formula. Uhm, I didn't even know they had samples like that at Walgreen's !
She said most people don't and usually they only give them out if people ask.
So listen carefully, go there and ask to see all the sample trays and load up ! Tons of facewash, bodywash, and face masks, moisturizers, and I got so much anti-aging and anti-wrinkle cream that I'm gonna look like a toddler when I die at the ripe old age of 149.
Ah well, it's nice outside so I think I'll go anchor my ass to a patio chair .
Monday, July 23, 2007
Phases
I'm referring to adult "life" phases, not kid's behaving badly phases.
Much of what I'm feeling right now started when I started going to Estate sales, and auctions. Walking through these houses. Houses that used to be homes, filled with kids and grandkids. Big dinners, parties, laughter, arguments, and now emptiness.
Memories, both happy and sad.
First steps, first dates, first promotions, first vacations.
Last breaths.
Here I am, among 50 other people, touching everything that used to be someone's. Nosing through a book collection, digging through blankets, adoring the stitching on a baby blanket so caringly made by someone close.
It makes you wonder, is that what will be left of you ?
Will all the things you so treasure throughout life, be arranged on long tables, decorated with price tags, and on sale for half price when no one else seems to think your prize possessions are worth it.
There have been so many times that as I'm walking through a home, and I want to yell and scream at people. They throw things this way and that, they move everything to dig in the bottom of a box, only to leave what they've moved and walk off.
It's painful to see that some people have no respect for memories, no matter who they belong to.
For some reason, this along with a couple of other things has pulled me into some sort of reminiscent fog.
Everyday I've woken up and had to resist the urge to grab my family and run away.
Far away. To where, I don't know for sure.
Someplace in the woods, the mountains maybe. Somewhere isolated. Somewhere that we are all just together.
I need time. time with them all.
Time to look at their faces, hear their voices, time to absorb it all so I'll never forget.
Time for them to do the same to me.
Time for memories to form and harden in our brains.
And, I need for time to stand still while I do it.
I'm referring to adult "life" phases, not kid's behaving badly phases.
Much of what I'm feeling right now started when I started going to Estate sales, and auctions. Walking through these houses. Houses that used to be homes, filled with kids and grandkids. Big dinners, parties, laughter, arguments, and now emptiness.
Memories, both happy and sad.
First steps, first dates, first promotions, first vacations.
Last breaths.
Here I am, among 50 other people, touching everything that used to be someone's. Nosing through a book collection, digging through blankets, adoring the stitching on a baby blanket so caringly made by someone close.
It makes you wonder, is that what will be left of you ?
Will all the things you so treasure throughout life, be arranged on long tables, decorated with price tags, and on sale for half price when no one else seems to think your prize possessions are worth it.
There have been so many times that as I'm walking through a home, and I want to yell and scream at people. They throw things this way and that, they move everything to dig in the bottom of a box, only to leave what they've moved and walk off.
It's painful to see that some people have no respect for memories, no matter who they belong to.
For some reason, this along with a couple of other things has pulled me into some sort of reminiscent fog.
Everyday I've woken up and had to resist the urge to grab my family and run away.
Far away. To where, I don't know for sure.
Someplace in the woods, the mountains maybe. Somewhere isolated. Somewhere that we are all just together.
I need time. time with them all.
Time to look at their faces, hear their voices, time to absorb it all so I'll never forget.
Time for them to do the same to me.
Time for memories to form and harden in our brains.
And, I need for time to stand still while I do it.
Monday, July 16, 2007
July 16
Monday
Today has been pretty uneventful. The kids have played in the pool (little wading pool with the blow-up sides) for the better part of 11 hours now.
Jam diagnosed her little sister, Poppy, with "Podia-something-itis" which happens to be a rare foot disease that sometimes happens after you have been in the pool for so long you skin is ready to slide right off your bones. I don't know that for a fact I'm just going with what I assume it means.
I'm having a bit of trouble grasping the fact that in less than a month they'll be back in school. Not that I'm sad really about it, but I will miss their little butts.
What I'm more sad about is school shopping, clothes shopping to be more precise. Wait, not the shopping part of it, just the money I have to give the cashier part of it.
Ugh. I've picked up a few things here and there, but nowhere close to what they'll need.
Between having to psyche myself up for paying for it all and, preparing to deal with them on those shopping days, I've already worn myself out.
They are psychotic when it comes to school shopping, it is not even funny anymore. I love that they are meticulous and thorough , but seriously if I only get 5 of the 6 fucking glue sticks we need and we don't find out until we get home, it is not a national emergency, but yet to them it is. They think we need to sound the sirens load the truck and get to a store to buy that other goddamn glue stick. I'm not saying it's happened, just guessing what it might be like if it did ? Ha.
Oh damn I just remembered I need to look on-line for Heart-Guard for JayDawg, of course he needs something too. Asshole.
He got mad at me yesterday for not taking him with us so I came home to find he had pissed all over the kitchen floor, and drank what was left of all the girls' milkshakes. He does not pee in the house anymore, unless of course he's mad. That right there gets him nothing but locked in the kennel every time I leave now. Which sort of defeats the purpose of having a guard dog to protect the house.
I don't leave him outside when we leave now. Just in case we are gone longer than we think we'll be ...it is waaaay too hot for that. Even though he does have his own swimming pool to swim in and drink out of, I can't leave him out there. So for now, back to the kennel.
Monday
Today has been pretty uneventful. The kids have played in the pool (little wading pool with the blow-up sides) for the better part of 11 hours now.
Jam diagnosed her little sister, Poppy, with "Podia-something-itis" which happens to be a rare foot disease that sometimes happens after you have been in the pool for so long you skin is ready to slide right off your bones. I don't know that for a fact I'm just going with what I assume it means.
I'm having a bit of trouble grasping the fact that in less than a month they'll be back in school. Not that I'm sad really about it, but I will miss their little butts.
What I'm more sad about is school shopping, clothes shopping to be more precise. Wait, not the shopping part of it, just the money I have to give the cashier part of it.
Ugh. I've picked up a few things here and there, but nowhere close to what they'll need.
Between having to psyche myself up for paying for it all and, preparing to deal with them on those shopping days, I've already worn myself out.
They are psychotic when it comes to school shopping, it is not even funny anymore. I love that they are meticulous and thorough , but seriously if I only get 5 of the 6 fucking glue sticks we need and we don't find out until we get home, it is not a national emergency, but yet to them it is. They think we need to sound the sirens load the truck and get to a store to buy that other goddamn glue stick. I'm not saying it's happened, just guessing what it might be like if it did ? Ha.
Oh damn I just remembered I need to look on-line for Heart-Guard for JayDawg, of course he needs something too. Asshole.
He got mad at me yesterday for not taking him with us so I came home to find he had pissed all over the kitchen floor, and drank what was left of all the girls' milkshakes. He does not pee in the house anymore, unless of course he's mad. That right there gets him nothing but locked in the kennel every time I leave now. Which sort of defeats the purpose of having a guard dog to protect the house.
I don't leave him outside when we leave now. Just in case we are gone longer than we think we'll be ...it is waaaay too hot for that. Even though he does have his own swimming pool to swim in and drink out of, I can't leave him out there. So for now, back to the kennel.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Testes...Testes...is this thing on ?
Like, it seems like it's been like forever !
And...saying like 3 times in that sentence makes me wanna gag myself with a silver spoon.
*Snort*
Okay I'm done with all that silliness.
Wow, it has been a long week. Well, long but short. I know you get what I'm trying to say here.
My sister, her 3 kids, and my youngest brother (who is 7), got here Saturday and left yesterday. We went to a big fireworks show that night (Saturday), then had our big get together on the 4th. Ohhhh and on the 4th we had tons of good food including .....3 fried zuchinnis from our very own garden !!! Yay me !
We all had a good time on the 4th, my sister though was feeling pretty shitty from a summertime cold.
Hells bells I was tired yesterday . I took a nap and made dinner. That was the extent of my productiveness...I don't even know if that's a word ? Screw it, we'll just say it is.
I did a bit more today, worked on laundry, made an appointment for Mimi to get shots, called my doctor for a sinus med, made lunch, did more laundry, made dinner, did dishes, watched Sunset Tan. Haha...dude I love that stupid show !
I don't even have anything else to talk about right now believe it or not. Hopefully my sister will upload the pics from the 4th of her kids and mine so I can post some of them. *cough*cough* I mean really...hopefully soon she does.
Like, it seems like it's been like forever !
And...saying like 3 times in that sentence makes me wanna gag myself with a silver spoon.
*Snort*
Okay I'm done with all that silliness.
Wow, it has been a long week. Well, long but short. I know you get what I'm trying to say here.
My sister, her 3 kids, and my youngest brother (who is 7), got here Saturday and left yesterday. We went to a big fireworks show that night (Saturday), then had our big get together on the 4th. Ohhhh and on the 4th we had tons of good food including .....3 fried zuchinnis from our very own garden !!! Yay me !
We all had a good time on the 4th, my sister though was feeling pretty shitty from a summertime cold.
Hells bells I was tired yesterday . I took a nap and made dinner. That was the extent of my productiveness...I don't even know if that's a word ? Screw it, we'll just say it is.
I did a bit more today, worked on laundry, made an appointment for Mimi to get shots, called my doctor for a sinus med, made lunch, did more laundry, made dinner, did dishes, watched Sunset Tan. Haha...dude I love that stupid show !
I don't even have anything else to talk about right now believe it or not. Hopefully my sister will upload the pics from the 4th of her kids and mine so I can post some of them. *cough*cough* I mean really...hopefully soon she does.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
June 28
Guess what I did today ?
Can't tell ya.
I can tell you that I used spraypaint, and no one in this damn house bothered to tell me that I had a gargantuan blue streak across my face before I ran to the store. Thanks guys.
And, I can tell you that my "funk" has turned into "Funkadelic". It's all good.
Didda came upstairs with me while her Dad and sisters watch a movie, a "scare me" movie, not a scary movie mind you. It's a scare me movie to Didda because she thinks that all movies that freak her out are made to frighten her and only her, hence "scare me" movie.
The big girls are all grounded to the house until Saturday night, alot to do with the W.T. girl down the street whose mother leaves on a whine and begs anyone to watch her kid, and if she can't find someone she just leaves her kid and doesn't tell her.
Yeah, nice. All this time I thought if we lived in this neighborhood people would take care of their kids. Just goes to show ya that just because they have a nice house doesn't mean they ain't trash.
Bana's hurt her ankle last night and has been a little gimpy ass all day. Miraculously though, when she thinks no one is looking she's fine.
So I told her earlier that "I'd go ahead and take her in to the doctor and they could give her a shot to deaden it and then x-ray it."
Somehow by some odd freak of nature, the words that came out of my mouth got all jumblefucked by the time they got to her ears. She runs off crying and screaming that I must hate her.
Uhm, what ? Only a caring Momma takes her baby to the doctor, right ?
Hm, well, I guess when you think your Mom said she was going to "take you to the doctor to shoot you until you die, and then take an x-ray", she doesn't seem so caring.
These kids don't understand why I think they never listen.
Guess what I did today ?
Can't tell ya.
I can tell you that I used spraypaint, and no one in this damn house bothered to tell me that I had a gargantuan blue streak across my face before I ran to the store. Thanks guys.
And, I can tell you that my "funk" has turned into "Funkadelic". It's all good.
Didda came upstairs with me while her Dad and sisters watch a movie, a "scare me" movie, not a scary movie mind you. It's a scare me movie to Didda because she thinks that all movies that freak her out are made to frighten her and only her, hence "scare me" movie.
The big girls are all grounded to the house until Saturday night, alot to do with the W.T. girl down the street whose mother leaves on a whine and begs anyone to watch her kid, and if she can't find someone she just leaves her kid and doesn't tell her.
Yeah, nice. All this time I thought if we lived in this neighborhood people would take care of their kids. Just goes to show ya that just because they have a nice house doesn't mean they ain't trash.
Bana's hurt her ankle last night and has been a little gimpy ass all day. Miraculously though, when she thinks no one is looking she's fine.
So I told her earlier that "I'd go ahead and take her in to the doctor and they could give her a shot to deaden it and then x-ray it."
Somehow by some odd freak of nature, the words that came out of my mouth got all jumblefucked by the time they got to her ears. She runs off crying and screaming that I must hate her.
Uhm, what ? Only a caring Momma takes her baby to the doctor, right ?
Hm, well, I guess when you think your Mom said she was going to "take you to the doctor to shoot you until you die, and then take an x-ray", she doesn't seem so caring.
These kids don't understand why I think they never listen.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
I'm gonna be buff...
It was supposed to rain at about 10 a.m. yesterday so my plan was to work outside until it rained. I washed the front porch off with the sprayer and a broom.
I cleaned the garage door windows, the wind started to blow and the sky grew dark.
I sprayed off some of the river rock to rid it of more caked on dirt.
The clouds passed, the wind died down, I sat down to take a break because obviously it wasn't gonna fucking rain !
Started outside again, like a dummy I start big projects and then halfway through I'm all like " Uhm I don't wanna do this anymore." *pout*
But, I'm almost done so on top of getting a big project done, my muscles are getting a good workout. I know that part for sure because when I get up every morning I feel like a crash test dummy.
I need to go buy some muscle shirts 'n shit.
Too bad my ass muscles aren't getting the workout my arms and legs are, but I mean how do you move landscape rock with your ass ? Don't answer that.
Of course, this project involves not only me, but my neighbor. The one who has an opinion about everything. It's starting to piss me off. I mean the guy is super nice, which used to make it okay, now though. Not so much.
Yesterday afternoon I'm out working and he gets home from works and yells across the street, " what in sam hell are you doing girl !?" He always says that I work too hard and blah blah blah, so this is nothing new.
I explained it all to him and before he started giving out unwanted advice I said " well ya know since I'm doing this, I'm going to finish it the way I see fit, the way I think it should be, and how I want to." He must've gotten the clue because he didn't even try to talk about it anymore, he just started rambling about his new grandbaby.
It did not however stop him from spying on me. I continued to work after he went inside, and 20 minutes later here he comes with an idea and an axe. *sigh*
Well ! I need to feed this screamin' MiMi, and then get ready to finish outside. My neighbor is at work until 5 so I got time !
It was supposed to rain at about 10 a.m. yesterday so my plan was to work outside until it rained. I washed the front porch off with the sprayer and a broom.
I cleaned the garage door windows, the wind started to blow and the sky grew dark.
I sprayed off some of the river rock to rid it of more caked on dirt.
The clouds passed, the wind died down, I sat down to take a break because obviously it wasn't gonna fucking rain !
Started outside again, like a dummy I start big projects and then halfway through I'm all like " Uhm I don't wanna do this anymore." *pout*
But, I'm almost done so on top of getting a big project done, my muscles are getting a good workout. I know that part for sure because when I get up every morning I feel like a crash test dummy.
I need to go buy some muscle shirts 'n shit.
Too bad my ass muscles aren't getting the workout my arms and legs are, but I mean how do you move landscape rock with your ass ? Don't answer that.
Of course, this project involves not only me, but my neighbor. The one who has an opinion about everything. It's starting to piss me off. I mean the guy is super nice, which used to make it okay, now though. Not so much.
Yesterday afternoon I'm out working and he gets home from works and yells across the street, " what in sam hell are you doing girl !?" He always says that I work too hard and blah blah blah, so this is nothing new.
I explained it all to him and before he started giving out unwanted advice I said " well ya know since I'm doing this, I'm going to finish it the way I see fit, the way I think it should be, and how I want to." He must've gotten the clue because he didn't even try to talk about it anymore, he just started rambling about his new grandbaby.
It did not however stop him from spying on me. I continued to work after he went inside, and 20 minutes later here he comes with an idea and an axe. *sigh*
Well ! I need to feed this screamin' MiMi, and then get ready to finish outside. My neighbor is at work until 5 so I got time !
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Welcome to Scary Acres Grocery Store
I don't think that's really the name of it, technically the sign just said "Grocery"...I think they couldn't afford the rest of the name to be put on there.
It was early Saturday morning and since hubs had went to get ice at another store the night before it was my turn to venture out.
Alone.
In Missouri.
We'd seen a tiny grocery store the night before during our trip around the lake. It was closer, therefore, it seemed wiser to run over there for cigarettes.
When I pulled in and got out of the truck it seemed innocent enough. 3 biker guys hanging out front drinking coffee, planning their road trip for the day. Two women that had walked across from the RV park, chatting about the rain the night before.
There were two people in front of me and I just sorta glanced around at everything while I waited my turn.
I turned and smiled at the woman behind me and edged up to the counter to make a request for smokes.
The bell hanging from atop the swinging door clanged, and in stumbled a man. A half awake, half still drunk man. Long seaweed hair sprouting from beneath a "Branson" ball cap. Coffee cup in hand he starts to head toward the back, where the coffee makers are.
I glanced his way then turned back to the short balding sweet natured man behind the counter when he said " Hey Darlin' can you hold on one second ?"
I couldn't be mean or say no, he was so nice. Not that I would of been mean but ya know, he was laid back so I would of waited all day.
He goes to the end of the counter and says " Ahem ! " Toward the drunkard. "Hey....! "
I turn back to see the drunkard keep staggering, paying no mind to anything but the coffee pots.
Looking back at the counter guy I just sorta shrug and get ready to tell him what I need.
That man.
Still looking toward the coffee needer, slaps his hand down on the counter and says " Freddy ! Get the Fuck out !"
***Can I just say that for the first time in my life I wanted to piss myself and run at the same time. I mean he looked so....sweet...so...old....so...he called me darlin'. **
Freddy ( ya know the drunk guy) spins around on one heel and says " Whaaaaaa ? Whhhyyyy ?"
"Freddy You son of a bitch, I told you ...no more...out right now !"
Well, this statement does not sit well with Freddy.
With is coffee cup still in his hand he suddenly sobers up and saunters back to the counter. Gently sits his cup down, takes a deep breath and says in a slow deep voice.
"I ask Diane and the lawman, they both said it was no problem for me to be in here."
Counterguy (who is married to Diane I found out after all this) says " No Freddy you call my wife a fucking bitch and you are all done, no more now get out !"
By this time, Freddy decides to stand square in the doorway, two guys trying to get in are just standing there not really knowing what to do.
Then the yelling started, I can't even tell you what was said besides threats, and in the end I think that Freddy even ended up threatening his own life.
I think he got confused.
The lady that had been in line behind me took off pushing past Freddy, and the two guys that were trying to get in just left.
Now it was me, counterman and Freddy.
No one talks for a bit .
I was getting ready to ask if I was a hostage when Freddy digressed and walked out the door completely.
Counter man seems satisfied until he walks back behind the counter only to see the coffee cup of Freddy sitting there.
He grabs the cup, walks to the door and says " Freddy ! You forgot your fucking cup !" As he chucks it across the gravel parking lot.
After that I got to be filled in on who Freddy is : the resident drunk, who Diane is : counter mans wife, and why Freddy called her that...Diane called the law on Freddy because he was begging beer off people over at the RV park, and sneaking into the showers over there too.
The store is literally 1 minute away, so when I walked back into the condo 55 minutes after I left, my husband and kids started in on me. I filled them in and we all had a good laugh....later I was in the bathroom when Hubs came in and was being all chatty. So. Guess what I told him ?
"Freddy ! Get the fuck out !" Ha !
Ok so the second time I ran back into the store with Hubs and the kids in the truck to get more ice, that I forgot earlier.
Different guy at the counter and things are going fine.
I hurriedly grab my ice and head to the register. In walks a poorly dressed woman. Gray hair going every which way, with a yellow scrunchie somehow attached somewhere in there.
She's sobbing and asks the guy at the register where Mikey is. He tells her that Mikey is staying over at DreamCatcher, she can use the phone over there to try and call him at 4227. She tries and no one answers. She sobs more and says "Don can you do me a favor please ? My dog, he's sick, can you get your 22 and come down and shoot him ?"
**Ok. Wait. What ?! Orr....maybe you could take him to the vet ? No ?" **
He tells her that he's not off 'til 7 and grabs his cell goes through the numbers and hands her the phone and says " here it's callin' Bubba John, he'll come shoot him."
So.....ice is 99 cents I figure the 5 dollar bill I threw on the counter before I took off should cover it.
I don't think that's really the name of it, technically the sign just said "Grocery"...I think they couldn't afford the rest of the name to be put on there.
It was early Saturday morning and since hubs had went to get ice at another store the night before it was my turn to venture out.
Alone.
In Missouri.
We'd seen a tiny grocery store the night before during our trip around the lake. It was closer, therefore, it seemed wiser to run over there for cigarettes.
When I pulled in and got out of the truck it seemed innocent enough. 3 biker guys hanging out front drinking coffee, planning their road trip for the day. Two women that had walked across from the RV park, chatting about the rain the night before.
There were two people in front of me and I just sorta glanced around at everything while I waited my turn.
I turned and smiled at the woman behind me and edged up to the counter to make a request for smokes.
The bell hanging from atop the swinging door clanged, and in stumbled a man. A half awake, half still drunk man. Long seaweed hair sprouting from beneath a "Branson" ball cap. Coffee cup in hand he starts to head toward the back, where the coffee makers are.
I glanced his way then turned back to the short balding sweet natured man behind the counter when he said " Hey Darlin' can you hold on one second ?"
I couldn't be mean or say no, he was so nice. Not that I would of been mean but ya know, he was laid back so I would of waited all day.
He goes to the end of the counter and says " Ahem ! " Toward the drunkard. "Hey....! "
I turn back to see the drunkard keep staggering, paying no mind to anything but the coffee pots.
Looking back at the counter guy I just sorta shrug and get ready to tell him what I need.
That man.
Still looking toward the coffee needer, slaps his hand down on the counter and says " Freddy ! Get the Fuck out !"
***Can I just say that for the first time in my life I wanted to piss myself and run at the same time. I mean he looked so....sweet...so...old....so...he called me darlin'. **
Freddy ( ya know the drunk guy) spins around on one heel and says " Whaaaaaa ? Whhhyyyy ?"
"Freddy You son of a bitch, I told you ...no more...out right now !"
Well, this statement does not sit well with Freddy.
With is coffee cup still in his hand he suddenly sobers up and saunters back to the counter. Gently sits his cup down, takes a deep breath and says in a slow deep voice.
"I ask Diane and the lawman, they both said it was no problem for me to be in here."
Counterguy (who is married to Diane I found out after all this) says " No Freddy you call my wife a fucking bitch and you are all done, no more now get out !"
By this time, Freddy decides to stand square in the doorway, two guys trying to get in are just standing there not really knowing what to do.
Then the yelling started, I can't even tell you what was said besides threats, and in the end I think that Freddy even ended up threatening his own life.
I think he got confused.
The lady that had been in line behind me took off pushing past Freddy, and the two guys that were trying to get in just left.
Now it was me, counterman and Freddy.
No one talks for a bit .
I was getting ready to ask if I was a hostage when Freddy digressed and walked out the door completely.
Counter man seems satisfied until he walks back behind the counter only to see the coffee cup of Freddy sitting there.
He grabs the cup, walks to the door and says " Freddy ! You forgot your fucking cup !" As he chucks it across the gravel parking lot.
After that I got to be filled in on who Freddy is : the resident drunk, who Diane is : counter mans wife, and why Freddy called her that...Diane called the law on Freddy because he was begging beer off people over at the RV park, and sneaking into the showers over there too.
The store is literally 1 minute away, so when I walked back into the condo 55 minutes after I left, my husband and kids started in on me. I filled them in and we all had a good laugh....later I was in the bathroom when Hubs came in and was being all chatty. So. Guess what I told him ?
"Freddy ! Get the fuck out !" Ha !
Ok so the second time I ran back into the store with Hubs and the kids in the truck to get more ice, that I forgot earlier.
Different guy at the counter and things are going fine.
I hurriedly grab my ice and head to the register. In walks a poorly dressed woman. Gray hair going every which way, with a yellow scrunchie somehow attached somewhere in there.
She's sobbing and asks the guy at the register where Mikey is. He tells her that Mikey is staying over at DreamCatcher, she can use the phone over there to try and call him at 4227. She tries and no one answers. She sobs more and says "Don can you do me a favor please ? My dog, he's sick, can you get your 22 and come down and shoot him ?"
**Ok. Wait. What ?! Orr....maybe you could take him to the vet ? No ?" **
He tells her that he's not off 'til 7 and grabs his cell goes through the numbers and hands her the phone and says " here it's callin' Bubba John, he'll come shoot him."
So.....ice is 99 cents I figure the 5 dollar bill I threw on the counter before I took off should cover it.
Friday, June 15, 2007
I'm BaaaAAAaaaaack !
Well I was back yesterday, but I was also twice as tired then as before I left for vacation, so I was sleeeeeeping.
SoOOoooo...how ya been ? How's things ? What's new ?
Me ? I'm good, thanks.
We spent our vacation at Table Rock Lake in southern Missouri. We stayed in a condo, around 14 miles outside of Branson. Well "as the crow flies" we were about 4 miles, but Ozark Mountain Roads are are wonky and crooked and take you to hell half acre before you get to where you need to go...hence the 14 miles when you drive. So the condos were awesome. Brand spankin' new ! Thank God because I saw the so called cottages at the same resort....Oh. My. God. It was like a mobile home, cut in half, painted hot pink, with a window a/c hanging out the ass end. But yet it somehow can sleep like 27 people or something.
We spent a day doing the tourist-y stuff. The Titanic Museum is in Branson, which was very cool.
We hit a few craft villages....yeah like old little cottages all grouped together making it a village. It was cute, and reminded me of the shore outside of Seattle where they have all the little t-shirt shops.
Ahh....what else. Oh we spent a day hiking, going to the hatchery *yawn* , a day at the beach, actually not any beach...MoonShine Beach dammit ! And, day at the pool.
On the last day we went into The Inspirational Tower at Shepherd of the Hills, wow...an all glass elevator going up that thing is so not on the good idea list if ya ask me. 230 feet is really high. Oh bite me, I'm a chicken, laugh all you want I ain't mad at ya ...heeeyyyy. Oh damn now I have Norbit quotes stuck in my head ! Dammit !
Which brings me to the day before yesterday. We stayed at my sisters house and watched movies for a bit...Norbit. Ugh.
Well ! I am putting up new pics...all self explanatory or have stories under them. Tomorrow...I'm gonna tell you all about my not one, but two trips to the twilight zone grocery store in southern Missouri.
Well I was back yesterday, but I was also twice as tired then as before I left for vacation, so I was sleeeeeeping.
SoOOoooo...how ya been ? How's things ? What's new ?
Me ? I'm good, thanks.
We spent our vacation at Table Rock Lake in southern Missouri. We stayed in a condo, around 14 miles outside of Branson. Well "as the crow flies" we were about 4 miles, but Ozark Mountain Roads are are wonky and crooked and take you to hell half acre before you get to where you need to go...hence the 14 miles when you drive. So the condos were awesome. Brand spankin' new ! Thank God because I saw the so called cottages at the same resort....Oh. My. God. It was like a mobile home, cut in half, painted hot pink, with a window a/c hanging out the ass end. But yet it somehow can sleep like 27 people or something.
We spent a day doing the tourist-y stuff. The Titanic Museum is in Branson, which was very cool.
We hit a few craft villages....yeah like old little cottages all grouped together making it a village. It was cute, and reminded me of the shore outside of Seattle where they have all the little t-shirt shops.
Ahh....what else. Oh we spent a day hiking, going to the hatchery *yawn* , a day at the beach, actually not any beach...MoonShine Beach dammit ! And, day at the pool.
On the last day we went into The Inspirational Tower at Shepherd of the Hills, wow...an all glass elevator going up that thing is so not on the good idea list if ya ask me. 230 feet is really high. Oh bite me, I'm a chicken, laugh all you want I ain't mad at ya ...heeeyyyy. Oh damn now I have Norbit quotes stuck in my head ! Dammit !
Which brings me to the day before yesterday. We stayed at my sisters house and watched movies for a bit...Norbit. Ugh.
Well ! I am putting up new pics...all self explanatory or have stories under them. Tomorrow...I'm gonna tell you all about my not one, but two trips to the twilight zone grocery store in southern Missouri.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
June 05
Oy my fingers
I have moved over one hundred and fifty bricks in the past two days, that on top of loading/unloading river rock, digging up flowers , and digging trenches for different bricks....has left me with fingers that look more like water balloons with fingernails than my real fingers.
The flowers I'm speaking of are some sort of lily...as in the sort that morphs and grows through the bricks you put on top of them and get stalks the size of tree trunks that you can't fucking dig up ! If anyone needs the sort of flowers that are indestructible to plant around your house lemme know...I have a shit ton of bulbs I dug up ! Just send me an email...and I'll mail them too ya.
So we have been talking about working in the back yard forever now, and decided to do most of it in river rocks and then add landscaping around it, getting the grassy area back in shape, blah blah blah.
The river rock we wanted is the bigger kind, 3-4 inch stuff, nice bold colors, and runs about 60 bucks a ton, plus 50 at a minimum for delivery.
But, guess whose neighbor works in landscaping and just happened to be digging up and removing over a ton of it last weekend at someone else's house ? Who...my neighbor..hahahahahahahaha. Know what that means ? I'm gonna tell ya ! It means that Sunday I had a bit over a ton of river rock delivered for FREE.
Alright, I'm done boasting.
I had to do that a little because I'm so flippin' sore that I have to convince myself that it's worth it !
The next two days will consist of packing, cleaning, making lists, checking them twice...ya know. We're leaving for vacation in a few days !
I was over at Bob's place and he was talking about crime and punishment, DNA specifically. It made me remember that I have a couple of stories about real crimes, two of them. One with punishment, one with none.
I got to thinking...how about soon we all do a "crime week" ? Stories about crime, or punishment that you are somehow connected to. It doesn't have to be personally...but maybe even a story that you've been told. You can re-tell it to us as you remember it . Or maybe the crime happened to you or was committed by you ?
Change the names if you want, change the town if you need too. Hell if you want to make the whole damn thing up !
We can set a day that we'll all publish our stories. I'll make a special section with links to stories.
Who's in ?
Lemme know what y'all think !
Oy my fingers
I have moved over one hundred and fifty bricks in the past two days, that on top of loading/unloading river rock, digging up flowers , and digging trenches for different bricks....has left me with fingers that look more like water balloons with fingernails than my real fingers.
The flowers I'm speaking of are some sort of lily...as in the sort that morphs and grows through the bricks you put on top of them and get stalks the size of tree trunks that you can't fucking dig up ! If anyone needs the sort of flowers that are indestructible to plant around your house lemme know...I have a shit ton of bulbs I dug up ! Just send me an email...and I'll mail them too ya.
So we have been talking about working in the back yard forever now, and decided to do most of it in river rocks and then add landscaping around it, getting the grassy area back in shape, blah blah blah.
The river rock we wanted is the bigger kind, 3-4 inch stuff, nice bold colors, and runs about 60 bucks a ton, plus 50 at a minimum for delivery.
But, guess whose neighbor works in landscaping and just happened to be digging up and removing over a ton of it last weekend at someone else's house ? Who...my neighbor..hahahahahahahaha. Know what that means ? I'm gonna tell ya ! It means that Sunday I had a bit over a ton of river rock delivered for FREE.
Alright, I'm done boasting.
I had to do that a little because I'm so flippin' sore that I have to convince myself that it's worth it !
The next two days will consist of packing, cleaning, making lists, checking them twice...ya know. We're leaving for vacation in a few days !
I was over at Bob's place and he was talking about crime and punishment, DNA specifically. It made me remember that I have a couple of stories about real crimes, two of them. One with punishment, one with none.
I got to thinking...how about soon we all do a "crime week" ? Stories about crime, or punishment that you are somehow connected to. It doesn't have to be personally...but maybe even a story that you've been told. You can re-tell it to us as you remember it . Or maybe the crime happened to you or was committed by you ?
Change the names if you want, change the town if you need too. Hell if you want to make the whole damn thing up !
We can set a day that we'll all publish our stories. I'll make a special section with links to stories.
Who's in ?
Lemme know what y'all think !
Friday, June 01, 2007
The new light fixture I bought for the kitchen to replace the ceiling fan, is still on the dining room table. Why ? Because Hubs said he was gonna put it up yesterday, that's why. Which means, either I try and do it, or I wait until mid-July.
So I think I'll try my luck and see if I can do it.
It can't be that hard right ? I mean, there are like directions and shit with it ...I think.
The first step is getting all my tools together, so I need to find a screwdriver, a hammer, a helmet, a can of pringles, a bed sheet, the hacksaw, a dining room chair, and a pack of cigarettes.
Oh and a book that shows me what those silly little red and black wires do.
The hammer I won't use really, but the screwdriver will get lonely without him, they are always together. The hacksaw, well he's new to the group of only tools we own so we need him to be there too.
The pringles I'll eat while I stare at the ceiling fan convincing myself I can do this.
The helmet is for, duh, my head.
The bed sheet for the floor for when...I mean in case I drop the fan or light and it shatters everywhere.
Cigarettes for when I get down off the chair 19 times to go out and smoke while I call people for support.
Sooo.....wish me luck !
So I think I'll try my luck and see if I can do it.
It can't be that hard right ? I mean, there are like directions and shit with it ...I think.
The first step is getting all my tools together, so I need to find a screwdriver, a hammer, a helmet, a can of pringles, a bed sheet, the hacksaw, a dining room chair, and a pack of cigarettes.
Oh and a book that shows me what those silly little red and black wires do.
The hammer I won't use really, but the screwdriver will get lonely without him, they are always together. The hacksaw, well he's new to the group of only tools we own so we need him to be there too.
The pringles I'll eat while I stare at the ceiling fan convincing myself I can do this.
The helmet is for, duh, my head.
The bed sheet for the floor for when...I mean in case I drop the fan or light and it shatters everywhere.
Cigarettes for when I get down off the chair 19 times to go out and smoke while I call people for support.
Sooo.....wish me luck !
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
May 29
Sha Right !
Hey, guess who fit into a pair of jeans that hasn't fit since before MiMi ?!?! Really dammit...guess ! Hubs ! Damn he had a fat ass. *Snort* Sometimes when it's so not funny, still I laugh.
So yeah ..the real answer is me ! W00T !!
Uhm they were a teensy (alot) bit tight, but my rule is...they zip, they stay. My poor jeans spent all day stretched across an ass that fought them the whole way. Sorry jeans, way to take one for the team, and good to have ya back.
I think my hubs possibly rigged them to stretch out over the past few days though, I've been told my non stop bitching gets annoying. Pfftt....whatev.
The girls and I and Mel and her two kids spent the better part of yesterday out climbing, hiking, feeding fish, and digging for fossils at Schramm Park.
Oh ! Guess who got a ticket for no park permit ? Haha...I think I'm hooked on that guessing thing sorry.
Start over, Mel and I both got "paper ticket courtesy warnings" for not having a park permit. How does one acquire such a permit you ask ? Ah, well you have to look very hard for a tiny brown box hiding in the honeysuckles bushes, that looks like a duck feeder, you take a ticket out write your name on it, and stick 4 dollars inside the box. There's not a person at a gate waiting for you to pay, there's no where else that says..."pay here". I mean, we've been to plenty of parks like this and all of them have a place to pay at, not a box to pay in. So out of the dozens of times we've been there, now I know I have to shove four bucks in a box, or shove 4 bucks in the park rangers ass. I suppose we'll see how it goes.
I got JayDawg a harness today. We've tried all collars and nothing holds him back. Nothing. And, the gentle leader, I dunno if you remember but he sorta kick my ass all over the back yard when I tried to get that on him.
Anyway, he looks a little bit S&M-ish with this black harness on, it has silver rings, and one is right in the middle of his chest.
But, he let me put it on him thank you ! I was a tad bit nervous and having some bad flashbacks of the gentle leader episode, so I went slow and we did it !
Never in my life did I think that I'd do a celebration dance after dressing my dog up like he's on his way to the S&M "Gag Ball" Oh damn there I go again being funny.
Sha Right !
Hey, guess who fit into a pair of jeans that hasn't fit since before MiMi ?!?! Really dammit...guess ! Hubs ! Damn he had a fat ass. *Snort* Sometimes when it's so not funny, still I laugh.
So yeah ..the real answer is me ! W00T !!
Uhm they were a teensy (alot) bit tight, but my rule is...they zip, they stay. My poor jeans spent all day stretched across an ass that fought them the whole way. Sorry jeans, way to take one for the team, and good to have ya back.
I think my hubs possibly rigged them to stretch out over the past few days though, I've been told my non stop bitching gets annoying. Pfftt....whatev.
The girls and I and Mel and her two kids spent the better part of yesterday out climbing, hiking, feeding fish, and digging for fossils at Schramm Park.
Oh ! Guess who got a ticket for no park permit ? Haha...I think I'm hooked on that guessing thing sorry.
Start over, Mel and I both got "paper ticket courtesy warnings" for not having a park permit. How does one acquire such a permit you ask ? Ah, well you have to look very hard for a tiny brown box hiding in the honeysuckles bushes, that looks like a duck feeder, you take a ticket out write your name on it, and stick 4 dollars inside the box. There's not a person at a gate waiting for you to pay, there's no where else that says..."pay here". I mean, we've been to plenty of parks like this and all of them have a place to pay at, not a box to pay in. So out of the dozens of times we've been there, now I know I have to shove four bucks in a box, or shove 4 bucks in the park rangers ass. I suppose we'll see how it goes.
I got JayDawg a harness today. We've tried all collars and nothing holds him back. Nothing. And, the gentle leader, I dunno if you remember but he sorta kick my ass all over the back yard when I tried to get that on him.
Anyway, he looks a little bit S&M-ish with this black harness on, it has silver rings, and one is right in the middle of his chest.
But, he let me put it on him thank you ! I was a tad bit nervous and having some bad flashbacks of the gentle leader episode, so I went slow and we did it !
Never in my life did I think that I'd do a celebration dance after dressing my dog up like he's on his way to the S&M "Gag Ball" Oh damn there I go again being funny.
Friday, May 25, 2007
May 25
Oh Please--just lemme ramble
So ok...do you remember Miss Texas ? Not the "official" Miss Texas, the big haired blonde from school that has 4 kids. Four kids that she is always more than willing to pawn off on anyone who's dumb enough to look her way. Trust me I know.
Well, about a month ago a rumor at the school was running rampant that she was pregnant. Sooooo....I called her and just asked her straight out.
I mean if rumors are going around then let's just get to the bottom of it, it's no fun when you talk shit on people and it ends up being not true. Unless of course you're Star magazine, then it's all good. That and if there are rumors about me then someone should grow some balls and quit shit talking and just ask if whatever it is happens to be true or not.
She told me that she didn't know for sure and didn't care to find out because, and I quote " I don't really want to be because I have the kids all the time, and my husband won't babysit them for any period of time." Dude it's not babysitting if it's your own kid but whatever.
She says that she won't take a home pregnancy test because she is breastfeeding and it will make an HPT come up positive, according to her doctor, who is obviously on crack because that is not true. So she's just pretty much not sure if she's pregnant or not. Because we all know that if you don't see a plus sign then it isn't a reality ! Duh !
Oh damn I forgot to tell you that she filed and paid for a divorce from this guy only 4 months ago, then dropped it. She said she wanted to prove her point to him that she was serious. Right.
So serious that she is willing to have sex with no protection and risk getting pregnant with a baby she doesn't want because God forbid she have to take care of it . Argh.
Now that I have rambled in a complete circle and made no sense, yes she is pregnant....sorry I'm tired and my storytelling skills are out.
Why am I tired you ask ? I'll tell ya !
Wednesday at around noon I decided to paint the kitchen, paint and add crown molding and cabinet molding, and paint all of that too. Can I just say right now that has kicked my ass for 2 and a half days .
Hubs "helped" yesterday, which means ? It means he bitched and moaned about it all. He cursed the saw because it is the reason he can't cut a straight line. He hollered about the crown molding because it was bowed and wouldn't go on straight.
We went from old crusty white cabinets, a plain bullnose ( the little wall above your cabinets) and a weird tan like color on the walls toooooooo....chocolate brown walls, beautimous antique white molding, cabinets and trim. Oh ! And ! I bought these cool plaque things like a year and a half ago, two yellow, two green, and these mirror thingys...red. They have been in the basement storage for that long and finally I used them ! We were gonna do the whole replace it all thing, but considering all the trim that we used for trim and molding was left here by the previous owners and the paint I wanted was in the markdown bin for 5 bucks at Lowe's...we did this instead ! (Don't mind the celing fan in the pics it's going to the ceiling fan graveyard next week).
Now...see that lamp in the corner in pic 3 ? I bought two of them. I was browsing at Lowe's and came across those, originally 74.78 marked down to.........3.60...I swear to Hades !
Oh and I don't have a pic yet, but I got an oak floor lamp with a small reading lamp and brushed nickle lamp surround originally 88.00 for 3.75 ! I'm gonna just say ..Dale my new BFF at Lowe's in the lighting department, is like....totally...awesome. Because the oak lamp was supposed to be a whole 4.80, and since it was a floor modle and the last one he wasn't supposed to sell it but he did and gave me another dollar off. Thanks Dale... !
The dining room has the red sheer and the lamp...that sheer and ugly curtain rod, and the nasty shades will be headed to heaven along with the ceiling fan next week.
I wish I had some "before pics"...and I'm sure I do somewhere, but somewhere is not right here in front of me right now, and I'm lazy.
I know that tomorrow I'm going to read this and compare it to a drunk blog, but I'm not drunk, just very tired, because I had to like take care of my kids. Who knew that having them meant you had to do that whole care and provide for them thing too !?!?
Oh Please--just lemme ramble
So ok...do you remember Miss Texas ? Not the "official" Miss Texas, the big haired blonde from school that has 4 kids. Four kids that she is always more than willing to pawn off on anyone who's dumb enough to look her way. Trust me I know.
Well, about a month ago a rumor at the school was running rampant that she was pregnant. Sooooo....I called her and just asked her straight out.
I mean if rumors are going around then let's just get to the bottom of it, it's no fun when you talk shit on people and it ends up being not true. Unless of course you're Star magazine, then it's all good. That and if there are rumors about me then someone should grow some balls and quit shit talking and just ask if whatever it is happens to be true or not.
She told me that she didn't know for sure and didn't care to find out because, and I quote " I don't really want to be because I have the kids all the time, and my husband won't babysit them for any period of time." Dude it's not babysitting if it's your own kid but whatever.
She says that she won't take a home pregnancy test because she is breastfeeding and it will make an HPT come up positive, according to her doctor, who is obviously on crack because that is not true. So she's just pretty much not sure if she's pregnant or not. Because we all know that if you don't see a plus sign then it isn't a reality ! Duh !
Oh damn I forgot to tell you that she filed and paid for a divorce from this guy only 4 months ago, then dropped it. She said she wanted to prove her point to him that she was serious. Right.
So serious that she is willing to have sex with no protection and risk getting pregnant with a baby she doesn't want because God forbid she have to take care of it . Argh.
Now that I have rambled in a complete circle and made no sense, yes she is pregnant....sorry I'm tired and my storytelling skills are out.
Why am I tired you ask ? I'll tell ya !
Wednesday at around noon I decided to paint the kitchen, paint and add crown molding and cabinet molding, and paint all of that too. Can I just say right now that has kicked my ass for 2 and a half days .
Hubs "helped" yesterday, which means ? It means he bitched and moaned about it all. He cursed the saw because it is the reason he can't cut a straight line. He hollered about the crown molding because it was bowed and wouldn't go on straight.
We went from old crusty white cabinets, a plain bullnose ( the little wall above your cabinets) and a weird tan like color on the walls toooooooo....chocolate brown walls, beautimous antique white molding, cabinets and trim. Oh ! And ! I bought these cool plaque things like a year and a half ago, two yellow, two green, and these mirror thingys...red. They have been in the basement storage for that long and finally I used them ! We were gonna do the whole replace it all thing, but considering all the trim that we used for trim and molding was left here by the previous owners and the paint I wanted was in the markdown bin for 5 bucks at Lowe's...we did this instead ! (Don't mind the celing fan in the pics it's going to the ceiling fan graveyard next week).
Now...see that lamp in the corner in pic 3 ? I bought two of them. I was browsing at Lowe's and came across those, originally 74.78 marked down to.........3.60...I swear to Hades !
Oh and I don't have a pic yet, but I got an oak floor lamp with a small reading lamp and brushed nickle lamp surround originally 88.00 for 3.75 ! I'm gonna just say ..Dale my new BFF at Lowe's in the lighting department, is like....totally...awesome. Because the oak lamp was supposed to be a whole 4.80, and since it was a floor modle and the last one he wasn't supposed to sell it but he did and gave me another dollar off. Thanks Dale... !
The dining room has the red sheer and the lamp...that sheer and ugly curtain rod, and the nasty shades will be headed to heaven along with the ceiling fan next week.
I wish I had some "before pics"...and I'm sure I do somewhere, but somewhere is not right here in front of me right now, and I'm lazy.
I know that tomorrow I'm going to read this and compare it to a drunk blog, but I'm not drunk, just very tired, because I had to like take care of my kids. Who knew that having them meant you had to do that whole care and provide for them thing too !?!?
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
May 22
PenPals
Today was the day that Jam got to finally meet her penpal. They'd been writing each other, the " old fashioned way"...that's a direct quote from Jam that means with a frigging pen and paper.
She didn't understand why she would have a penpal that lives only 30 minutes away, and how or why they'd live such different lives.
Heh. Well.
Now I know this may be hard to believe but we have inner city schools here in Omaha. No seriously. Yes, really.
Which happens to be where Jams penpal attends school. *Sigh*
She hops into the truck after school, she says nothing and gives me the "oh hi" smile.
"Soooooooo ? How was it today ? You met her ..and ?"
"And what Mom ?...They are all, like, gangsters or pimps or something. All of them Mom !"
"Whaaaaat ? Gangsters ? Pimps ? You're in 4th grade, that's not possible Jam."
"Mom I know what grade I'm in thank you , and the first thing the boys from that school did was walk up to me and Dora and say : yeah baby you hot, you know you wanna hit this."
*Stop. The. Bus. Bitches.*
What ? Excuuuuuse me ? Aw hell no. Hell no. Oh yeah I want to hit it, and knock that boys teeth down his throat.
Talkin' like that to my baby girl ? No. Uh-uh, now Ima fuck a bitch up.
"Oh really, what was his name ?" What was his last name ?"
"Mom I don't know." *Rolls eyes*
"Ok what is the name of the school ?"
Back. Up. Wait. A. Damn. Minute.
"Jam ? My sweet, intelligent, above average, Yale bound, baby girl ....how do you know what a pimp is ?"
Nevermind, go to your room and think of a plan to make yourself unappealing and unattractive until you are 37.
PenPals
Today was the day that Jam got to finally meet her penpal. They'd been writing each other, the " old fashioned way"...that's a direct quote from Jam that means with a frigging pen and paper.
She didn't understand why she would have a penpal that lives only 30 minutes away, and how or why they'd live such different lives.
Heh. Well.
Now I know this may be hard to believe but we have inner city schools here in Omaha. No seriously. Yes, really.
Which happens to be where Jams penpal attends school. *Sigh*
She hops into the truck after school, she says nothing and gives me the "oh hi" smile.
"Soooooooo ? How was it today ? You met her ..and ?"
"And what Mom ?...They are all, like, gangsters or pimps or something. All of them Mom !"
"Whaaaaat ? Gangsters ? Pimps ? You're in 4th grade, that's not possible Jam."
"Mom I know what grade I'm in thank you , and the first thing the boys from that school did was walk up to me and Dora and say : yeah baby you hot, you know you wanna hit this."
*Stop. The. Bus. Bitches.*
What ? Excuuuuuse me ? Aw hell no. Hell no. Oh yeah I want to hit it, and knock that boys teeth down his throat.
Talkin' like that to my baby girl ? No. Uh-uh, now Ima fuck a bitch up.
"Oh really, what was his name ?" What was his last name ?"
"Mom I don't know." *Rolls eyes*
"Ok what is the name of the school ?"
Back. Up. Wait. A. Damn. Minute.
"Jam ? My sweet, intelligent, above average, Yale bound, baby girl ....how do you know what a pimp is ?"
Nevermind, go to your room and think of a plan to make yourself unappealing and unattractive until you are 37.
Monday, May 21, 2007
May 21
A Few Things I've decided.
Yesterday afternoon was spent having a heated discussion about landscaping.
I know it sounds dumb to say it was heated, but if you had heard the dumb shit my husband was suggesting you would of gotten pissed too. I do not understand him. He likes things low-key and simple. But yet, suggests the tackiest gawd awful shit for our yard.
We want something nice and eye catching for our lawn. We live on a big corner lot, and our house is the only one that faces west when all the other face north or south.
After much discussion we decided to head to Lowe's and look around and see how much it will be for some of the ideas we'd tossed around. Instead of turning left to go to Lowe's though, hubs turned right. Meaning that we were entering one of the "elite" neighborhoods. Ya know the ones that have some mansions, some castles, and then for some reason a few houses no bigger than ours but cost 9 times more because they have Rapunzels house next door.
That is where one of the things I decided came into play. Screw landscaping.
I want a new house.
Like a new big fabulous house. One that I picked the tile, the carpet, the wall color, the kitchen sink, the direction the staircase flows.
A house that is "us" from the embryonic stage, a house that says " hey bitches..Jess lives here and made me what I am, revel in my beauty and fabulousness !"
Yeah I know hubs, and the kids will live there too, but I'm the boss of things, so the house will have me to thank.
Now, the next step or the first step in the process of building my very own fairy tale house. Paying for it.
Did you know that a person can get between 5 and 15 grand for donating eggs ? Not chicken eggs, like the ovary kind.
Soo.....I should have at least 200 eggs that are good, 200 times let's say 10, well we could say 15 grand because my kids are beautiful. Ok 200 times 15 grand is.....3 million. 45% for taxes, right ? Just to be safe.
I mean I wonder if you have to pay taxes on that ? I would guess you do...that'd be a weird W-2 to fill out though. Ok, 200 times 15 grand equals 3 million minus 45% is 1,350,000. I'd put a million in the bank for my kids when they turn 21.
With the 350k I could build the house I want. I could do it for less, but I want good land too, oh and I'll need a big lawn mower....naw I want a hot gardner.
Oh pfftt...don't look at me like that. Next I was gonna say a hot maid for hubs to look at once a month.
Haha not that I've thought about any of that, I was just asking if you knew.
Ah, I forgot too that the other thing I'd buy would be a new Tahoe. I'm not normally a Chevy fan, but the new Tahoe's are beautimous !
I have also decided that since none of the above statements will ever really happen that someone will just have to give me a house.
Alrighty, while I eagerly await the email saying I've just received my house, I'm gonna go water my lawn.
A Few Things I've decided.
Yesterday afternoon was spent having a heated discussion about landscaping.
I know it sounds dumb to say it was heated, but if you had heard the dumb shit my husband was suggesting you would of gotten pissed too. I do not understand him. He likes things low-key and simple. But yet, suggests the tackiest gawd awful shit for our yard.
We want something nice and eye catching for our lawn. We live on a big corner lot, and our house is the only one that faces west when all the other face north or south.
After much discussion we decided to head to Lowe's and look around and see how much it will be for some of the ideas we'd tossed around. Instead of turning left to go to Lowe's though, hubs turned right. Meaning that we were entering one of the "elite" neighborhoods. Ya know the ones that have some mansions, some castles, and then for some reason a few houses no bigger than ours but cost 9 times more because they have Rapunzels house next door.
That is where one of the things I decided came into play. Screw landscaping.
I want a new house.
Like a new big fabulous house. One that I picked the tile, the carpet, the wall color, the kitchen sink, the direction the staircase flows.
A house that is "us" from the embryonic stage, a house that says " hey bitches..Jess lives here and made me what I am, revel in my beauty and fabulousness !"
Yeah I know hubs, and the kids will live there too, but I'm the boss of things, so the house will have me to thank.
Now, the next step or the first step in the process of building my very own fairy tale house. Paying for it.
Did you know that a person can get between 5 and 15 grand for donating eggs ? Not chicken eggs, like the ovary kind.
Soo.....I should have at least 200 eggs that are good, 200 times let's say 10, well we could say 15 grand because my kids are beautiful. Ok 200 times 15 grand is.....3 million. 45% for taxes, right ? Just to be safe.
I mean I wonder if you have to pay taxes on that ? I would guess you do...that'd be a weird W-2 to fill out though. Ok, 200 times 15 grand equals 3 million minus 45% is 1,350,000. I'd put a million in the bank for my kids when they turn 21.
With the 350k I could build the house I want. I could do it for less, but I want good land too, oh and I'll need a big lawn mower....naw I want a hot gardner.
Oh pfftt...don't look at me like that. Next I was gonna say a hot maid for hubs to look at once a month.
Haha not that I've thought about any of that, I was just asking if you knew.
Ah, I forgot too that the other thing I'd buy would be a new Tahoe. I'm not normally a Chevy fan, but the new Tahoe's are beautimous !
I have also decided that since none of the above statements will ever really happen that someone will just have to give me a house.
Alrighty, while I eagerly await the email saying I've just received my house, I'm gonna go water my lawn.
May 19
So uhm....
Normally I glance at my stats page, and see the usual crazy shit. "Granny fucking"...like I know I never wrote that but--whatever it seems like a common thing to get searched for. I giggle a bit and move on.
But today?
People. Have. Fucking. Issues.
Search Phrases in the past 48 hours :
"I sucked ants out of my pussy." Look, if you have to google that shit you are a fucking idiot. Get off your ant infested ass and go to the doctor for gawd sakes ! Wait....I have a question though...how did you suck them out ?
"Mom who like to ass fuck Omaha"...I dunno how that got you here, but lemme tell ya, keep on trucking because none of that shit is happening.
"Hot Moms in Nebraska " Oh wait that ones right. Thanks for stopping by...see ya next time. Mwuah.
"Little girls in bikinis"...I SWEAR to GOD if I find out who you are and where you are, I will find you and stick your dick in that bitch whose pussy has an ant hill in it.
Ok now I feel naughty, I said the "p" word like 3 times in this entry.
Need to go wash my mouth out with soap. K, bye.
So uhm....
Normally I glance at my stats page, and see the usual crazy shit. "Granny fucking"...like I know I never wrote that but--whatever it seems like a common thing to get searched for. I giggle a bit and move on.
But today?
People. Have. Fucking. Issues.
Search Phrases in the past 48 hours :
"I sucked ants out of my pussy." Look, if you have to google that shit you are a fucking idiot. Get off your ant infested ass and go to the doctor for gawd sakes ! Wait....I have a question though...how did you suck them out ?
"Mom who like to ass fuck Omaha"...I dunno how that got you here, but lemme tell ya, keep on trucking because none of that shit is happening.
"Hot Moms in Nebraska " Oh wait that ones right. Thanks for stopping by...see ya next time. Mwuah.
"Little girls in bikinis"...I SWEAR to GOD if I find out who you are and where you are, I will find you and stick your dick in that bitch whose pussy has an ant hill in it.
Ok now I feel naughty, I said the "p" word like 3 times in this entry.
Need to go wash my mouth out with soap. K, bye.
May 15
Okey Dokey
Ahhh....it has been a long weekend I tell ya.
Saturday............... Krissy came over and her and I went to get a mani/pedi...me for Mothers Day, and she got it so she'd have cute toes for surgery Monday morning !
On our way home we stopped at the DQ to get a couple of MooLattes, since chocolate and anything else more than a medicine cup of liquids will be out of her diet for the next 6 months.
Sitting in line waiting for our frozen treats her car started to overheat. We got our stuff and left to come back to the house, the car was overheating at a rapid pace.
(Just a little FYI if your car ever overheats and you have to drive it to a safe place...turn your heat on and turn it to " recirculate"...it helps pull the heat away from the engine, yes it really works.)
Well Krissy gets the bright idea that we should pull off into a parking lot to " check things under the hood" of her car. Like. Why ? I mean if we did see something what the hell were we gonna do about it ? Not only that we were only 4 blocks from my house. right, so anyway, we pull off into an empty lot and pop the hood. Krissy does her best " I'm a chick that's fixin' on a car with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth pose"...and I snap a pic. Which does nothing to fix the car but sends us into a fit of laughter.
I tell her to watch the coolant container and I'll shake the car to see if we can tell how much if any coolant is in there.
Here I am grabbing and shaking the car back and forth vigorously as Krissy has her face next to the coolant....then I said " I hope no one sees us and thinks that we think we are fixing the car by doing this."
The hood is up and more than anything we are laughing and joking about pretty much everything by now. She says " Jess what the hell is wrong with my car... ?" And I'm like " I dunno ! "
We decided to head to Mel's house because I knew her hubs had some car fixin' on shit. He filled the coolant back up and she made it home. Sunday Krissy's dad got her car fixed, it was the radiator fan.
Sunday.......started off not so hot. I woke up at 4 with a screaming headache. But it had only been 2 hours since I'd went to bed, so I got up to take something for my head and Jam yells at me from her bathroom. She is throwing up all over the damn place. Then starts to cry because it's Mothers Day and here I am cleaning vomit on Mothers Day. the girl cried forever, I got her calm and into the shower to clean up.
Jay of course was up trying to find out what was going on at such an unGodly hour and decided he'd better go outside. After letting him in I walk through the family room...and get rained on. Like...pouring, heavy rain. In. The. Family. Room.
Long story short, the shower curtain was not in the shower and the water ran behind the loose trim .
We went to Lowe's and got mulch, flowers, and more tomato plants and for the rest of the day we worked outside.
It was a good relaxing and productive Mothers Day, and my headache and Jams tummy both got better throughout the day.
Monday...............
I got up at 4 again....Didda's allergies were making her cough so I got up with her and she dozed back off within 20 minutes. I thought about going back to bed, but I knew if I did I'd never be able to wake up and get myself ready and the girls ready in time for school.
I dropped the girls off at school and drove to Krissy's to meet everyone so that we could all follow each other to the hospital.
At 12:07 p.m. yesterday my best friend was in surgery. She had a gastric bypass. She has wanted this for so long, and needed it for so long too.
With this surgery, the weight loss for vanity's sake is a bonus.
The weight loss for her well being and survival is essential.
At 29 years old she is on blood pressure medication, cholesteral meds, diabetes meds, and thyroid meds.
I hope that later, much later in our years that I can look back and say " that day was the first day of the rest of her long happy life."
Okey Dokey
Ahhh....it has been a long weekend I tell ya.
Saturday............... Krissy came over and her and I went to get a mani/pedi...me for Mothers Day, and she got it so she'd have cute toes for surgery Monday morning !
On our way home we stopped at the DQ to get a couple of MooLattes, since chocolate and anything else more than a medicine cup of liquids will be out of her diet for the next 6 months.
Sitting in line waiting for our frozen treats her car started to overheat. We got our stuff and left to come back to the house, the car was overheating at a rapid pace.
(Just a little FYI if your car ever overheats and you have to drive it to a safe place...turn your heat on and turn it to " recirculate"...it helps pull the heat away from the engine, yes it really works.)
Well Krissy gets the bright idea that we should pull off into a parking lot to " check things under the hood" of her car. Like. Why ? I mean if we did see something what the hell were we gonna do about it ? Not only that we were only 4 blocks from my house. right, so anyway, we pull off into an empty lot and pop the hood. Krissy does her best " I'm a chick that's fixin' on a car with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth pose"...and I snap a pic. Which does nothing to fix the car but sends us into a fit of laughter.
I tell her to watch the coolant container and I'll shake the car to see if we can tell how much if any coolant is in there.
Here I am grabbing and shaking the car back and forth vigorously as Krissy has her face next to the coolant....then I said " I hope no one sees us and thinks that we think we are fixing the car by doing this."
The hood is up and more than anything we are laughing and joking about pretty much everything by now. She says " Jess what the hell is wrong with my car... ?" And I'm like " I dunno ! "
We decided to head to Mel's house because I knew her hubs had some car fixin' on shit. He filled the coolant back up and she made it home. Sunday Krissy's dad got her car fixed, it was the radiator fan.
Sunday.......started off not so hot. I woke up at 4 with a screaming headache. But it had only been 2 hours since I'd went to bed, so I got up to take something for my head and Jam yells at me from her bathroom. She is throwing up all over the damn place. Then starts to cry because it's Mothers Day and here I am cleaning vomit on Mothers Day. the girl cried forever, I got her calm and into the shower to clean up.
Jay of course was up trying to find out what was going on at such an unGodly hour and decided he'd better go outside. After letting him in I walk through the family room...and get rained on. Like...pouring, heavy rain. In. The. Family. Room.
Long story short, the shower curtain was not in the shower and the water ran behind the loose trim .
We went to Lowe's and got mulch, flowers, and more tomato plants and for the rest of the day we worked outside.
It was a good relaxing and productive Mothers Day, and my headache and Jams tummy both got better throughout the day.
Monday...............
I got up at 4 again....Didda's allergies were making her cough so I got up with her and she dozed back off within 20 minutes. I thought about going back to bed, but I knew if I did I'd never be able to wake up and get myself ready and the girls ready in time for school.
I dropped the girls off at school and drove to Krissy's to meet everyone so that we could all follow each other to the hospital.
At 12:07 p.m. yesterday my best friend was in surgery. She had a gastric bypass. She has wanted this for so long, and needed it for so long too.
With this surgery, the weight loss for vanity's sake is a bonus.
The weight loss for her well being and survival is essential.
At 29 years old she is on blood pressure medication, cholesteral meds, diabetes meds, and thyroid meds.
I hope that later, much later in our years that I can look back and say " that day was the first day of the rest of her long happy life."
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