September 19
Mmmm s'ghetti


We sat outside in the fall night air. Our neighbor came over and we all chatted for a bit. I mentioned that we'd heard his dog barking a few nights ago. No...I'm not the kind of person who bitches abut dogs barking. I mentioned it because out of the 3 years we've lived here we have heard this dog (Lexus a German Shepherd) bark maybe 3 times. (I didn't even believe they had a dog until we saw her through the open gate two years ago.)

Saying that sparked his memory and he told us why she was barking.

He went out early Saturday morning because his wife had said that Lexus was howling all night, and she was worried about her. He called to her and she never came around. He finally found her on the side of the house, struggling to walk. He said it was like her back end was paralyzed.

She whined when she saw him and laid back down. After he got over to her and got one of the outside light on he tried to examine her. She still couldn't stand so he put his hands on her haunches to try and help her. It was then he saw the problem. He grabbed her long fur and lifted it up and away from her skin. First he saw blood, then he saw maggots. Thousands of maggots. They took her to the vet and 1400.00, a complete shave down, approximately 1200 maggots, and 9 stitches later....she is home. Bald but, less any fly larva.

She'd gotten a cut from the kennel a few days earlier, and they didn't see the need to treat it I guess. The flies were quite happy about this lapse in judgement by the dog's owners and even happier that their new eggs would not only have a place to sleep but a place to eat as well. I guess what they say is true huh ? German shepherd meat is good eats ?

Ha. Yeah I know that's sick....but some days life is so.....just so that there is nothing to do but to tell the story of your neighbors dog and the maggots.

September 17
Let's dance the jig(saw)


I damn sure did ! I've been wanting one for some time now, and my good friend Mel happened upon two in a box of shit she bought at an auction last weekend. Meaning I inherited a saw !

So we all know what that means. Jess is gonna saw on some shit ! I am totally clueless as to what I'll be making with this contraption of mine, although I do think I'll start with something Halloween. I should say I'm going to try and start with something Halloween. But, considering the only power tool I've ever used is a rechargeable screwdriver, then it may turn out that I'm making nothing but a lopsided pumpkin, and a fingerless hand, the hand being mine.

Our AFLAC pays you like 5 grand if you cut your pinky finger off, and I'm quite sure I can function for the rest of my life without a pinky finger. (Just one of those things you look up to see how much it pays out of curiosity) So...here's to making Halloween decorations and coming out with just one less finger.

Now that I've said that I probably jinxed myself and my typing will be all fucked up because I jigsawed my pinky finger off. Wait, I don't think I'll be able to talk right either considering I talk with my hands so much. Not sign language, but more like " it was this big...and...that sonofabitch went clear over there!"

Shit. I'll be a bad typist and a mute.



Ok now I have to re-think this whole jigsaw plan and go to bed. My stomach is crazy too. We had breakfast burritos for dinner and my gut keeps making a toilet flushing sound.

Yesterday was great ! We left a bit early so we could sit in on two other panels before mine. Hubs was sure it'd be boring and over his head and not his thing. But, he too had a good time !

The panel before mine was "How to Cultivate a Cult Following", and that is where I saw Aaron Raz who is the co-author of "What Becomes You", a book that I cannot wait to read. The other author of the book is Aaron's mom, which after you read the summary of the book might be surprising to many people. Anyway, I watched him speak, and I kind of love him, and although he has no idea he is my new BFF, like the kind that is your BFF but just doesn't know it, and might think it's sort of stalker-ish. But hey, stalker is nice compared to what else I've been called this week.

Also on that same panel was Amy Guth, author of "Three Fallen Women". Amy is a total smartass, and funny as hell. I love her too.

Oh and lest I not forget , Jami Attenberg, who besides writing a fanfuckingtastic book called "Instant Love" last year has a new book coming out "The Kept Man" , she read from that yesterday during our panel together and it's another I can't wait to read.

The moderator of my panel, "The Devil in Miss Jones" was Lauren Cerand who had never been to the Midwest, and thought everyone here was over the top nice. Which I found odd and I think maybe she just ran into people that weren't really from here, or they were high. Or, maybe both.

Oh ! I also met Daniel Curtis, the he started the Nebraska Arts Preserve, which hasn't been updated in ohhhh I dunno a LONG time, but regardless he is the first one who talked about me (nicely) and started the ball rolling for me to get where I am today. Yep right here still blogging. Thanks Daniel !

At the end of our panel, Lauren asked about one of the most risque, or secretive things I've written, something that got attention that was , well odd.

The story I told was about the entry below......



Friday, July 28, 2006

Is it a guy thing ?
Ok when hubs doesn't get his "rocks" off within a certain period time...say 4 days. He starts doing this thing at night. Half the time he's quite aware of it, and the other half, I think his wanker just does it's own thing.
Well...beings that yesterday was "4th Day"...that means two things...one...he's a fucking horndog, and two I will fear getting raped in my sleep all night.
So to head off this issue I tried something new. And, surrounded myself with pillows.
So when I start to wake for my 3:14 a.m. pee break...I hear him..he and someone/thing are gettin' it on like donkey kong.
He had the wrap around going and everything..on my poor innocent perky cotton pillow.
"Honey..uhm...wake up"....
"Ahem...*cough* honey ?"
"Dammit man ! Wake up ! You're dry humping a pillow !"
Yet after waking up ...he denies that he was trying to cross breed with a cotton/poly fill...some thing's are just too hard to deny..but hey I won't tell anyone.
I can't imagine trying to do that ...but then again, I'm pretty good at telling the difference between a wanker..and a pillow...
Now that I think about it, the reality that he couldn't tell the difference between a pillow and my ass...says a lot about the state of my ass right now.



Now, I don't normally make it a habit to talk about comments or emails I get about entries. They are a little secret, the emails especially. But for whatever reason this entry made someone mad. (Not hubs who didn't know I wrote this until yesterday ...just so happens he was in thr front row as I retold the story).

Okay the person it upset, I have no idea who it was, they sent me numerous emails about it. Some saying how wrong I was for telling the world about that, and then some saying that it's my own fault for not giving my husband enough sex.

*One would think that the person sending these was hubs but it wasn't I'd get them when he was upstairs or in meetings.*

I never understood why it made whoever so damn mad, or how in the hell it was their business that I told anyone and that I didn't want to have sex. But dam, saying it's my own fault for not giving it up enough, yeah hi 5 kids you asshole get a clue.

So, I thought about that a lot on the way home, and I doubt that it is anywhere close to the most risque thing I've written, but since hubs was there it only seemed fitting that I have a story about him having sex with inanimate objects.