July 31
Two weeks !
Yep ! Two weeks and school is in !!! Yeaaaahhh !! Not that I'm like counting or anything...I just heard it was only two weeks is all.

School is in the air..which ,means that the girls have started playing school again. They are all teachers though, because God forbid one of them act superior to the others.

So as I sat on the floor taking an old computer tower apart...for shits and giggles...
I overheard bits and pieces of the "teacher conversations".

Which led me to believe that they must be teaching at the " Fine Art of Being Bitches and Divas School Of Omaha."

Jam who is "Mrs K." says " who said you could wear that lipgloss ? That is mine !"

Bana aka : "Miss A ." well you have on nail polish that I got in my Christmas stocking ! So if I have to take my lip gloss off you have to take the polish off !"

"Mrs. K." : We don't have any polish remover so I can't...but you can just wipe that lipgloss off !"

"Miss A." : I don't really care ! Scrape it off with a butter knife then ! And if you don't then I'm not taking mine off ! "

Toph who was not playing until then... mistakenly walks in at this time and says
" I wanna be Miss. B...but only if you guys stop fighting."

(Poor girl...they blindsided her ass like nothin' mattered.)

Mrs. K. " Oh yeah well we aren't fighting and if we were Mom would come in here and tell us to quit..."
Miss A. " Hey why are you wearing that ?!? Teachers do not wear tu-tu's you freak !"
Miss A. "This is my classroom and that is her classroom, so you have to use another room...and it can't be that one either because that's the gym."

Mrs. K "Ugh ! I don't know how you two expect to act like teachers when one of you is looking like a ballerina and the other is too worried about how her lips look !"

Miss A. "Well Jam you know that a teacher can be pretty and care about how her lips look ..and if YOU didn't care then why did you paint your nails !?!"

Miss B. finally got a chance to speak and said " you guys suck, and I'm telling Mom, and I'm not playing, and I hope all your kids in your class spit paper at you and tell their Moms that you hit them."

Tell me again why I wanted a dog

I'm gonna need a list of advantages to housing and feeding this fucker...and soon.

The dis-advantages...I got a shitload of 'em.

My Dear JayDawg---here are your "flaws" please correct them in a timely manner.

#1 . I would think that having a watchdog would mean just that. So why do I have to WAKE you up when I hear a noise ?

#2. If you grab a ziploc out of the fridge that has 5 hot dogs ...run and hide said ziploc for later eating...you may not beg me for food for the here and now.

#3. No matter how hard you try and convince me, the fucking sound of you slurping on your balls is not appealing, and you will never be allowed to do that on my bed.

#4. The same mailman comes everyday...everyfuckingday man....seriously let it go.

#5. Gum is not for dogs, so quit digging through my damn purse for gum .

#6. Speaking of purses...if I catch your fairy ass dragging my purse around again...I'm posting the pictures online.

#7. COFFEE is not for dogs. If you fucking slurp your fat face in my coffee cup one more time...I will hold your face in the cup. That blue bowl on the floor is yours...not the coffee cup, not the toilet, and NOT the hose that you chewed through...dumbass it only works while the water is on.

#8. I know many people and creatures are in denial about their weight...but dude you weigh 75 goddamn pounds, and walking in circles on me during your bedtime ritual has got to stop.

#9. Also, my lap may seem quite large to you, but you have got to trust me when I say that you cannot fit your whole body there.

#10-#1001....These are subject to be added to and changed at any time.

Just remember that I love you...I really do ....and I'm doing this for your own good.

Woopsy !

Yesterday afternoon I was going through my settings on my blog. Was trying to figure out this friends list thing. I don't understand why it's still " coming soon" for some people and the rest of us don't have it yet ! Anywho...the big girls were having some sort of issue downstairs so I stupidly went down there while baby girl was up here unattended.

Don't ask me how, but the little witch changed my shit all around. I had 45 gazillion windows open , and something was beeping at me by the time I got back. In 4.7 seconds she deleted a couple of entries and changed my setting to custom. But I didn't realize it until I got on here today and checked my email.

So apologies for that and blame the kid.
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No really it's ok...she was wretched yesterday so I was livid with her , and her sisters pretty much all fucking day.

Yesterday was the official "school shopping" day. We left early and headed to Target.
I was armed with the supply lists and a sharpie. We were getting things checked off like mad...as baby girl stood next to me . I was actually quite proud of her. She was being quiet and all that shit she's supposed to be. I should of known .

So we head to the toy dept. where lo and behold they had 75% off toys. Ok I know I was school shopping but this bitch is having a baby around Christmas so I had to buy some of it.

And, c'mon whoever walks away from 75% off of something that you intend on buying anyway is just crazy.

That is when baby girl started being a wretched little brat. Which annoyed me somewhat, but I could handle it.

And I was really ok until some bitch started to invade my space.

First rule of getting the good shit in the 75% off aisle : Block out and Post up.

Really it's necessary .

So space invader bitch was trying to reach around ...aw hell no . Hell no bitch.

You would think that a person would get the clue that she's in my space when I cleared my throat a couple of times , nope.
Alright fine....this is war.

Second rule : If you have cart, and a screaming kid...park them in front of the shit you want to look at next...not what you're looking at now...but just go ahead and block the whole damn aisle.

Third rule: If you are stupid enough to mess with the crazy bitch that does rule 1 and 2. Be prepared .

Turns out space invader bitch coudln't take the "clearance heat" and walked off in a huff.

Pfftt...amatuer.

So I got my loot and decided that was it time to leave...

That's when I realized a couple of things.

One, they should make soundproof checkout lanes...for moms that have the psycho 2 year old that is screaming because she can't have the purse you just walked by.
And, two...I need a drink more than I have ever in my life needed a drink.

As I loaded school crap and toy loot onto the checkout belt, I then saw why baby girl was so quiet during our time in the school supply section.

I had approximately 97 dollars worth of post-it notes, 14 rulers, a mega pack of highlighters, and 3 protractors.