Saturday, June 16, 2007

Welcome to Scary Acres Grocery Store


I don't think that's really the name of it, technically the sign just said "Grocery"...I think they couldn't afford the rest of the name to be put on there.

It was early Saturday morning and since hubs had went to get ice at another store the night before it was my turn to venture out.

Alone.

In Missouri.

We'd seen a tiny grocery store the night before during our trip around the lake. It was closer, therefore, it seemed wiser to run over there for cigarettes.

When I pulled in and got out of the truck it seemed innocent enough. 3 biker guys hanging out front drinking coffee, planning their road trip for the day. Two women that had walked across from the RV park, chatting about the rain the night before.

There were two people in front of me and I just sorta glanced around at everything while I waited my turn.

I turned and smiled at the woman behind me and edged up to the counter to make a request for smokes.

The bell hanging from atop the swinging door clanged, and in stumbled a man. A half awake, half still drunk man. Long seaweed hair sprouting from beneath a "Branson" ball cap. Coffee cup in hand he starts to head toward the back, where the coffee makers are.

I glanced his way then turned back to the short balding sweet natured man behind the counter when he said " Hey Darlin' can you hold on one second ?"

I couldn't be mean or say no, he was so nice. Not that I would of been mean but ya know, he was laid back so I would of waited all day.

He goes to the end of the counter and says " Ahem ! " Toward the drunkard. "Hey....! "





I turn back to see the drunkard keep staggering, paying no mind to anything but the coffee pots.

Looking back at the counter guy I just sorta shrug and get ready to tell him what I need.

That man.

Still looking toward the coffee needer, slaps his hand down on the counter and says " Freddy ! Get the Fuck out !"

***Can I just say that for the first time in my life I wanted to piss myself and run at the same time. I mean he looked so....sweet...so...old....so...he called me darlin'. **

Freddy ( ya know the drunk guy) spins around on one heel and says " Whaaaaaa ? Whhhyyyy ?"

"Freddy You son of a bitch, I told you ...no more...out right now !"

Well, this statement does not sit well with Freddy.

With is coffee cup still in his hand he suddenly sobers up and saunters back to the counter. Gently sits his cup down, takes a deep breath and says in a slow deep voice.

"I ask Diane and the lawman, they both said it was no problem for me to be in here."

Counterguy (who is married to Diane I found out after all this) says " No Freddy you call my wife a fucking bitch and you are all done, no more now get out !"

By this time, Freddy decides to stand square in the doorway, two guys trying to get in are just standing there not really knowing what to do.

Then the yelling started, I can't even tell you what was said besides threats, and in the end I think that Freddy even ended up threatening his own life.

I think he got confused.

The lady that had been in line behind me took off pushing past Freddy, and the two guys that were trying to get in just left.

Now it was me, counterman and Freddy.

No one talks for a bit .

I was getting ready to ask if I was a hostage when Freddy digressed and walked out the door completely.

Counter man seems satisfied until he walks back behind the counter only to see the coffee cup of Freddy sitting there.

He grabs the cup, walks to the door and says " Freddy ! You forgot your fucking cup !" As he chucks it across the gravel parking lot.

After that I got to be filled in on who Freddy is : the resident drunk, who Diane is : counter mans wife, and why Freddy called her that...Diane called the law on Freddy because he was begging beer off people over at the RV park, and sneaking into the showers over there too.

The store is literally 1 minute away, so when I walked back into the condo 55 minutes after I left, my husband and kids started in on me. I filled them in and we all had a good laugh....later I was in the bathroom when Hubs came in and was being all chatty. So. Guess what I told him ?

"Freddy ! Get the fuck out !" Ha !

Ok so the second time I ran back into the store with Hubs and the kids in the truck to get more ice, that I forgot earlier.

Different guy at the counter and things are going fine.

I hurriedly grab my ice and head to the register. In walks a poorly dressed woman. Gray hair going every which way, with a yellow scrunchie somehow attached somewhere in there.

She's sobbing and asks the guy at the register where Mikey is. He tells her that Mikey is staying over at DreamCatcher, she can use the phone over there to try and call him at 4227. She tries and no one answers. She sobs more and says "Don can you do me a favor please ? My dog, he's sick, can you get your 22 and come down and shoot him ?"

**Ok. Wait. What ?! Orr....maybe you could take him to the vet ? No ?" **

He tells her that he's not off 'til 7 and grabs his cell goes through the numbers and hands her the phone and says " here it's callin' Bubba John, he'll come shoot him."

So.....ice is 99 cents I figure the 5 dollar bill I threw on the counter before I took off should cover it.

32 comments:

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wow...that sounds like a real classy place you found there Jess. lol.

I'll have to get the name of your travel agent. hehe

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