Sunday, December 23, 2007

December 23
Ah to be a kid again
It would be grand. Christmas would still have magic and suspense.

Hearing the Nativity Story would be anticipated instead of wondering what time we could be done by. You'd ask all kinds of questions, now though you dread having to explain why Mary and Joseph named him Jesus and not Jim or Square.....

Making cookies for Santa is about nothing but fun and making a mess rather than trying to clean as you go to lighten the cleaning load for afterwards.

Presents were meant to be squished and shook and felt with our eyes closed to try and envision what lies within, now though the squishing and shaking and feeling up of the gifts gives me a heart attack and makes me want to scream about possibly ripping the paper and me having to wrap them again.

As a child you never looked under the tree and though " damn what if I don't like anything that's there ?" As a parent I worry that even though they said they wanted it, that they have changed their minds and now think they are beyond that.

The past few days have been stressful because of those few things I just mentioned. I suppose it's my own selfishness that has taken over, what a shitty time to be selfish I know. I just miss that "magic and elation" that used to accompany these days preceding.

After much self reflection though, it is back. I look at my girls and wonder why in the hell it ever left me. They are my miracles and they are my love and magic and elation.

I got lost but now I am back on track. I don't give a shit if I have to wrap all the gifts 10 times, it was worth it to see Mimi get stuck under the tree getting to them. We can make cookies a dozen more times, the flour on their faces and sprinkles stuck to the end of their noses shows that it meant more to them than just making a mess. I will explain over and over to Didda that even if "Jim" and "Square" are fine names, his name is Jesus, and no she cannot call him Jim.

I hope that all of you are filled with your own magic and are able experience your own miracles this Christmas .......

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