September 17
Let's dance the jig(saw)
I damn sure did ! I've been wanting one for some time now, and my good friend Mel happened upon two in a box of shit she bought at an auction last weekend. Meaning I inherited a saw !
So we all know what that means. Jess is gonna saw on some shit ! I am totally clueless as to what I'll be making with this contraption of mine, although I do think I'll start with something Halloween. I should say I'm going to try and start with something Halloween. But, considering the only power tool I've ever used is a rechargeable screwdriver, then it may turn out that I'm making nothing but a lopsided pumpkin, and a fingerless hand, the hand being mine.
Our AFLAC pays you like 5 grand if you cut your pinky finger off, and I'm quite sure I can function for the rest of my life without a pinky finger. (Just one of those things you look up to see how much it pays out of curiosity) So...here's to making Halloween decorations and coming out with just one less finger.
Now that I've said that I probably jinxed myself and my typing will be all fucked up because I jigsawed my pinky finger off. Wait, I don't think I'll be able to talk right either considering I talk with my hands so much. Not sign language, but more like " it was this big...and...that sonofabitch went clear over there!"
Shit. I'll be a bad typist and a mute.
Ok now I have to re-think this whole jigsaw plan and go to bed. My stomach is crazy too. We had breakfast burritos for dinner and my gut keeps making a toilet flushing sound.
Showing posts with label jess. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jess. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
May 21
A Few Things I've decided.
Yesterday afternoon was spent having a heated discussion about landscaping.
I know it sounds dumb to say it was heated, but if you had heard the dumb shit my husband was suggesting you would of gotten pissed too. I do not understand him. He likes things low-key and simple. But yet, suggests the tackiest gawd awful shit for our yard.
We want something nice and eye catching for our lawn. We live on a big corner lot, and our house is the only one that faces west when all the other face north or south.
After much discussion we decided to head to Lowe's and look around and see how much it will be for some of the ideas we'd tossed around. Instead of turning left to go to Lowe's though, hubs turned right. Meaning that we were entering one of the "elite" neighborhoods. Ya know the ones that have some mansions, some castles, and then for some reason a few houses no bigger than ours but cost 9 times more because they have Rapunzels house next door.
That is where one of the things I decided came into play. Screw landscaping.
I want a new house.
Like a new big fabulous house. One that I picked the tile, the carpet, the wall color, the kitchen sink, the direction the staircase flows.
A house that is "us" from the embryonic stage, a house that says " hey bitches..Jess lives here and made me what I am, revel in my beauty and fabulousness !"
Yeah I know hubs, and the kids will live there too, but I'm the boss of things, so the house will have me to thank.
Now, the next step or the first step in the process of building my very own fairy tale house. Paying for it.
Did you know that a person can get between 5 and 15 grand for donating eggs ? Not chicken eggs, like the ovary kind.
Soo.....I should have at least 200 eggs that are good, 200 times let's say 10, well we could say 15 grand because my kids are beautiful. Ok 200 times 15 grand is.....3 million. 45% for taxes, right ? Just to be safe.
I mean I wonder if you have to pay taxes on that ? I would guess you do...that'd be a weird W-2 to fill out though. Ok, 200 times 15 grand equals 3 million minus 45% is 1,350,000. I'd put a million in the bank for my kids when they turn 21.
With the 350k I could build the house I want. I could do it for less, but I want good land too, oh and I'll need a big lawn mower....naw I want a hot gardner.
Oh pfftt...don't look at me like that. Next I was gonna say a hot maid for hubs to look at once a month.
Haha not that I've thought about any of that, I was just asking if you knew.
Ah, I forgot too that the other thing I'd buy would be a new Tahoe. I'm not normally a Chevy fan, but the new Tahoe's are beautimous !
I have also decided that since none of the above statements will ever really happen that someone will just have to give me a house.
Alrighty, while I eagerly await the email saying I've just received my house, I'm gonna go water my lawn.
A Few Things I've decided.
Yesterday afternoon was spent having a heated discussion about landscaping.
I know it sounds dumb to say it was heated, but if you had heard the dumb shit my husband was suggesting you would of gotten pissed too. I do not understand him. He likes things low-key and simple. But yet, suggests the tackiest gawd awful shit for our yard.
We want something nice and eye catching for our lawn. We live on a big corner lot, and our house is the only one that faces west when all the other face north or south.
After much discussion we decided to head to Lowe's and look around and see how much it will be for some of the ideas we'd tossed around. Instead of turning left to go to Lowe's though, hubs turned right. Meaning that we were entering one of the "elite" neighborhoods. Ya know the ones that have some mansions, some castles, and then for some reason a few houses no bigger than ours but cost 9 times more because they have Rapunzels house next door.
That is where one of the things I decided came into play. Screw landscaping.
I want a new house.
Like a new big fabulous house. One that I picked the tile, the carpet, the wall color, the kitchen sink, the direction the staircase flows.
A house that is "us" from the embryonic stage, a house that says " hey bitches..Jess lives here and made me what I am, revel in my beauty and fabulousness !"
Yeah I know hubs, and the kids will live there too, but I'm the boss of things, so the house will have me to thank.
Now, the next step or the first step in the process of building my very own fairy tale house. Paying for it.
Did you know that a person can get between 5 and 15 grand for donating eggs ? Not chicken eggs, like the ovary kind.
Soo.....I should have at least 200 eggs that are good, 200 times let's say 10, well we could say 15 grand because my kids are beautiful. Ok 200 times 15 grand is.....3 million. 45% for taxes, right ? Just to be safe.
I mean I wonder if you have to pay taxes on that ? I would guess you do...that'd be a weird W-2 to fill out though. Ok, 200 times 15 grand equals 3 million minus 45% is 1,350,000. I'd put a million in the bank for my kids when they turn 21.
With the 350k I could build the house I want. I could do it for less, but I want good land too, oh and I'll need a big lawn mower....naw I want a hot gardner.
Oh pfftt...don't look at me like that. Next I was gonna say a hot maid for hubs to look at once a month.
Haha not that I've thought about any of that, I was just asking if you knew.
Ah, I forgot too that the other thing I'd buy would be a new Tahoe. I'm not normally a Chevy fan, but the new Tahoe's are beautimous !
I have also decided that since none of the above statements will ever really happen that someone will just have to give me a house.
Alrighty, while I eagerly await the email saying I've just received my house, I'm gonna go water my lawn.
May 15
Okey Dokey
Ahhh....it has been a long weekend I tell ya.
Saturday............... Krissy came over and her and I went to get a mani/pedi...me for Mothers Day, and she got it so she'd have cute toes for surgery Monday morning !
On our way home we stopped at the DQ to get a couple of MooLattes, since chocolate and anything else more than a medicine cup of liquids will be out of her diet for the next 6 months.
Sitting in line waiting for our frozen treats her car started to overheat. We got our stuff and left to come back to the house, the car was overheating at a rapid pace.
(Just a little FYI if your car ever overheats and you have to drive it to a safe place...turn your heat on and turn it to " recirculate"...it helps pull the heat away from the engine, yes it really works.)
Well Krissy gets the bright idea that we should pull off into a parking lot to " check things under the hood" of her car. Like. Why ? I mean if we did see something what the hell were we gonna do about it ? Not only that we were only 4 blocks from my house. right, so anyway, we pull off into an empty lot and pop the hood. Krissy does her best " I'm a chick that's fixin' on a car with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth pose"...and I snap a pic. Which does nothing to fix the car but sends us into a fit of laughter.
I tell her to watch the coolant container and I'll shake the car to see if we can tell how much if any coolant is in there.
Here I am grabbing and shaking the car back and forth vigorously as Krissy has her face next to the coolant....then I said " I hope no one sees us and thinks that we think we are fixing the car by doing this."
The hood is up and more than anything we are laughing and joking about pretty much everything by now. She says " Jess what the hell is wrong with my car... ?" And I'm like " I dunno ! "
We decided to head to Mel's house because I knew her hubs had some car fixin' on shit. He filled the coolant back up and she made it home. Sunday Krissy's dad got her car fixed, it was the radiator fan.
Sunday.......started off not so hot. I woke up at 4 with a screaming headache. But it had only been 2 hours since I'd went to bed, so I got up to take something for my head and Jam yells at me from her bathroom. She is throwing up all over the damn place. Then starts to cry because it's Mothers Day and here I am cleaning vomit on Mothers Day. the girl cried forever, I got her calm and into the shower to clean up.
Jay of course was up trying to find out what was going on at such an unGodly hour and decided he'd better go outside. After letting him in I walk through the family room...and get rained on. Like...pouring, heavy rain. In. The. Family. Room.
Long story short, the shower curtain was not in the shower and the water ran behind the loose trim .
We went to Lowe's and got mulch, flowers, and more tomato plants and for the rest of the day we worked outside.
It was a good relaxing and productive Mothers Day, and my headache and Jams tummy both got better throughout the day.
Monday...............
I got up at 4 again....Didda's allergies were making her cough so I got up with her and she dozed back off within 20 minutes. I thought about going back to bed, but I knew if I did I'd never be able to wake up and get myself ready and the girls ready in time for school.
I dropped the girls off at school and drove to Krissy's to meet everyone so that we could all follow each other to the hospital.
At 12:07 p.m. yesterday my best friend was in surgery. She had a gastric bypass. She has wanted this for so long, and needed it for so long too.
With this surgery, the weight loss for vanity's sake is a bonus.
The weight loss for her well being and survival is essential.
At 29 years old she is on blood pressure medication, cholesteral meds, diabetes meds, and thyroid meds.
I hope that later, much later in our years that I can look back and say " that day was the first day of the rest of her long happy life."
Okey Dokey
Ahhh....it has been a long weekend I tell ya.
Saturday............... Krissy came over and her and I went to get a mani/pedi...me for Mothers Day, and she got it so she'd have cute toes for surgery Monday morning !
On our way home we stopped at the DQ to get a couple of MooLattes, since chocolate and anything else more than a medicine cup of liquids will be out of her diet for the next 6 months.
Sitting in line waiting for our frozen treats her car started to overheat. We got our stuff and left to come back to the house, the car was overheating at a rapid pace.
(Just a little FYI if your car ever overheats and you have to drive it to a safe place...turn your heat on and turn it to " recirculate"...it helps pull the heat away from the engine, yes it really works.)
Well Krissy gets the bright idea that we should pull off into a parking lot to " check things under the hood" of her car. Like. Why ? I mean if we did see something what the hell were we gonna do about it ? Not only that we were only 4 blocks from my house. right, so anyway, we pull off into an empty lot and pop the hood. Krissy does her best " I'm a chick that's fixin' on a car with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth pose"...and I snap a pic. Which does nothing to fix the car but sends us into a fit of laughter.
I tell her to watch the coolant container and I'll shake the car to see if we can tell how much if any coolant is in there.
Here I am grabbing and shaking the car back and forth vigorously as Krissy has her face next to the coolant....then I said " I hope no one sees us and thinks that we think we are fixing the car by doing this."
The hood is up and more than anything we are laughing and joking about pretty much everything by now. She says " Jess what the hell is wrong with my car... ?" And I'm like " I dunno ! "
We decided to head to Mel's house because I knew her hubs had some car fixin' on shit. He filled the coolant back up and she made it home. Sunday Krissy's dad got her car fixed, it was the radiator fan.
Sunday.......started off not so hot. I woke up at 4 with a screaming headache. But it had only been 2 hours since I'd went to bed, so I got up to take something for my head and Jam yells at me from her bathroom. She is throwing up all over the damn place. Then starts to cry because it's Mothers Day and here I am cleaning vomit on Mothers Day. the girl cried forever, I got her calm and into the shower to clean up.
Jay of course was up trying to find out what was going on at such an unGodly hour and decided he'd better go outside. After letting him in I walk through the family room...and get rained on. Like...pouring, heavy rain. In. The. Family. Room.
Long story short, the shower curtain was not in the shower and the water ran behind the loose trim .
We went to Lowe's and got mulch, flowers, and more tomato plants and for the rest of the day we worked outside.
It was a good relaxing and productive Mothers Day, and my headache and Jams tummy both got better throughout the day.
Monday...............
I got up at 4 again....Didda's allergies were making her cough so I got up with her and she dozed back off within 20 minutes. I thought about going back to bed, but I knew if I did I'd never be able to wake up and get myself ready and the girls ready in time for school.
I dropped the girls off at school and drove to Krissy's to meet everyone so that we could all follow each other to the hospital.
At 12:07 p.m. yesterday my best friend was in surgery. She had a gastric bypass. She has wanted this for so long, and needed it for so long too.
With this surgery, the weight loss for vanity's sake is a bonus.
The weight loss for her well being and survival is essential.
At 29 years old she is on blood pressure medication, cholesteral meds, diabetes meds, and thyroid meds.
I hope that later, much later in our years that I can look back and say " that day was the first day of the rest of her long happy life."
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