September 13
Mum is the word


Because I planted some is why. My "lamp" guy at Lowe's handed me, and Mel, some prices on mums that a girl can't refuse. So mums, I got.

Mums are my favorite. Mums are pretty. Mums bloom in all their glory when all the other flowers are getting tired and ready to leave the party.

Now see when I said "mum is the word" I meant ...the word to say as many times as I could, just because I can.

Mum.

Diddas did help me. She wanted to pick all the blooms right off and keep them in her purse (sidenote: if you lose anything at my house check Didda's purse) but I talked her into taking only one bloom and helping me plant to rest so they'd grow big and pretty. As soon as we'd get one planted she'd clap her hands, stomp her foot, and demand to the plants that they grow. As in, like right then.

We had a luncheon today for the 5th grade moms. it was a "who's who of the school." Ha not really, it turned out to be more of a who's who's mom get together. It is one of those things you think you'll never get caught up in. Well maybe you knew you'd get caught up in it. Me ? No way man. It's amazing to me how I can sit here and say that I'm not one of them, and then be one in the same breath.

I don't try to be or want to be. But, I think that makes me a "desirable" candidate to "them". Like I said I didn't want to get all caught up in it, but ten minutes into there I am talking about if my daughter marries her son then our grandkids would be beautiful, and they would not get married until after college but before medical school. They'd have to live close of course, and we both know we'd be the "best" Grandma.

Son of a bitch.

I lunch with the ladies and this is what happens. I walk in like I don't give a shit. I walk out having arranged a marriage for my 10-year-old, and a lunch date at the country club on Thursday.

September 10
Let's Play Dress Up !


Ok after getting emails, and ideas on comments from people on what I should wear to the LitFest....I thought it might be a fun little game to play !



So, your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to find me the perfect outfit !!

#1. An outfit that I would wear, as in you think it suits me personality wise, etc.

and

#2. An off the wall, funny, or just flat out terrible ensemble !

Now, #1 and #2 cannot be the same so don't go thinking you are smart and say I'd really wear one of the #2 choices.

Email me the pics at : samvanso2129@msn.com, then I'll post them with your name in the photo album.

Ok ! You have until midnight Tuesday, go !

September 09
Nice


I got an email from Timothy Schaffert saying that "the panelists were more than welcome to bring postcards, buttons, magnets, and any other promotional materials for your books and/or related projects."

Nice. I of course just canceled the blimp appearance with the saying "Who's Your Momma ?!" for fear that it would be too much, now he says I can bring shit !?!?

I think he threw in "related projects" because I am the only one there without a book or nine. I mean hey I'd write a book, but damn have you seen books ? They're like huge ! And all those pages. I dunno about that.

And, I have tons of buttons laying around but I mean who wants all my extra shirt buttons ? I don't get it.

Of course I have no idea once again what the hell I'm going to wear. You know how you want to appear "well dressed, smart, pretty, and approachable" when you do a thing like this. No outfit I have says all those things at once. And, yes I already tried all my outfits on together to see if it worked and it just looked like I had 13 outfits on.

Ok well hubs is home so that means I have to do the whole "wife" thing and "make him some dinner", but he also just volunteered to hold up giant signs with my blog address during my panel, oh wait, he just volunteered to streak naked and do the Arsenio Hall woot too. I just informed him that if he does I'll be introducing him as my ex-husband.

September 04
Continued from "The Hoaster Coaster"




Hubs stayed with the older 3 while they did bumper cars and I took Didda over to drive cars that were her size. Walking...I mean waddling and blubbering...in front of me , two ladies , one pushing a stroller inside the stroller was a 4 year old child fat as her mom, drinking a (I kid you not) a baby bottle full of pepsi and eating a damned funnel cake.

Let me say that when I call a child fat, I mean fat, not chubba wubba baby fat, I mean the kid is in adult diapers at 1 year and has legs so fat that their little baby legs rub together and threaten to start a fire.

I start to sort of snicker for no reason really, well besides the obvious, when the one pushing the stroller looks off to the side.

I realize then that I recognize her. And, this my friends is no good recognization.

As my blood starts to boil, I think I'm handling myself quite well. Then Didda asks me why I'm trying to squeeze her fingers off and tells me it's not nice. Woopsy.

We take a small detour to avoid being behind them any longer and make our way to the little cars. Where, lo and behold, there she is again. Son. of. a. bitch. *Gritting teeth*

Breathe iiiinn. Breathe oooout.

(Only one word pops into my head right then. The "C" word. I don't even use that word, or like that word to be used. Which I believe is why it came up. It's something very very bad in my head and most people's, and she is #2 on the list of my "C" word people. Number one on that list is #1 for a damn good reason, and #2 is there because she helped #1).

This sucks.

I stand there wondering to myself if she knows that the only thing saving her from getting her ratty pimpled cellulite face ripped clean off is the fact that my 3 year old daughter is standing right here. For a split second, I pondered if it would really damage my little girl that much to see such a thing.

I wonder if she even sees me.

I wonder too if the cops would make it there before I was finished.

I suppose you are wondering who this woman is, and why I have such a serious, serious, problem with her. Uhm well, I can't tell ya.

Ha. I'm kidding. Of course I will tell you ! Just not today.




September 07
Paul Harvey says : And now...for the rest of the story


A long time ago in a land far way.......... (4 years ago and about 5 blocks over). I was pregnant. (Shocking I know), with Didda.

Hubs and I played volleyball weekly with a few people from his now former store, and had a great time. Well, beings that I was pregnant and unable to play anymore they had to find someone to take my spot. Little did I know at the time that the person that was chosen had intentions of taking my spot on the volleyball team, and more.

The woman was someone who I had never particularly liked per say, but I didn't hate her.

As soon as the volleyball started rumors began to fly around the store. She had told a few of the people I talked with daily some things that were, well, suspicious. She loved his eyes. She loved the way he could make people laugh. She loved that he was there alone every week.

This all on top of her saying in the same sentence that her and her husband were on the verge of a divorce.

I stayed mute on the subject to hubs for awhile, thinking that it was no big deal and really there is no denying how pretty his eyes really are. But, after weeks of this. I just couldn't take it any longer.

I calmly confronted my husband one night after he started talking about her and how she's having such a hard time, how she tells him everything, and asks him about everything in his life. He was dumbfounded that I could think such a horrible thing about her, that she was after my man. He said I was being silly, and dumb for listening to rumors.

Rumors that also included "C" word #2 from previously constantly saying "how cute they are together", and telling her to "go for it."

So then one night before volleyball. I decided that I'd tag along. Hubs on the other hand thought this was a bad idea, fearing that I would " make a scene." Ha. Making a scene was definitely part of the plan I tell ya. I didn't end up going, although he took the older two girls with him. I sat and waited patiently. And, I waited....not so patiently. An hour after it was time for them to be home, I was hot.

I just knew that they were all there together probably eating burgers and laughing. My two girl too, probably warming up to their soon to be step mommy.

I tried to call his phone and there was no answer.

They walked through the door soon after and I sent the girls to their rooms.

No words came out of my mouth at that point in time. Honestly I couldn't think straight.

Now I feel that I should tell you that when I am pregnant my body somehow taps into some strange super human strength capsule that I have hidden deep inside my uterus.

As hubs stood by the door still not even knowing what was going on. I picked up the lazy boy recliner, heaved it over my head and straight towards him, barely missing. Only barely because he stood there frozen not believing that a giant chair was sailing through the air at him, so it took him a second to respond.

After saying all the things I felt I needed to say. He acted like he hated me. He said he couldn't believe I couldn't trust him, and that he was only being a friend to her, and she would never do such a thing, and that she thought I was such a good person.

Weeks went by and only short snippets of conversation happened between him and I.

Then, one day, out of the clear blue. He came home from work, sat down across from me and said that it was now obvious that she wanted more than someone to talk to. She cried when he told her he could no longer be the friend she confided in, she said how much she hated me and how jealous she was of my life.

I never suspected that anything happened besides the talking really, I feared that it could. And, him not believing me and trusting what I was trying to tell him hurt more than anything. He did realize shit, finally, but just about when it was too late.

Soon after that store closed and there was a party at a local pub. I acted so excited to go and like my only reason for it was to say goodbye to the people who were being relocated. All the while, a relocation of someone else was on my mind.

Krissy's husband worked at that store too, he was one of the people who'd filled me in on other things.

Krissy and I , are a very good team when it comes to certain things. And, cornering a bitch in the bathroom is one of those things.

That my friends, is where the story that you hear ends. The rest of it, is all in here. <---Pointing at my head.

The Hoaster Coaster


For well over a month now Didda has had an obsession with hoaster coasters aka: roller coasters, that and hopter copters...ok don't ask why she says those like that I have no idea she can talk all fine and good but sometimes she says things and we think they're funny and she keeps saying it like that.

Ok back to the story.

After many many days and nights of asking when she can go on a hoaster coaster, we told her yesterday that tomorrow she gets to go.

She was so ready ! She even put on her ballerina dress and asked if she could wear it to drive the coaster .

We had to park blocks away from the fair, and the child's feet never touched the ground between the truck and that ride. She floated the whole way.

Finally, it was her time.

Here she is ! Such a big girl and ready to ride !










It started to crawl and she got more and more excited, 5 feet, 10 feet, and away they went !

This is the first lap around !








Here she is on the last lap !










She gets off white as a sheet, wide eyed, and wobbly legged and I say " Didda was it fun !?!? Are you ready to go again !?!? "

"No Momma ! I want to go home and take a nap ! Take me home ! I don't like it here anymore , and I want to leave now !" *stomps her foot*

Well !

So if you want to piss her off just ask her if she's ready to go on the hoaster coaster again, seems to do the trick.



We did have a good time though, they big girls rode tons of rides and no one puked !

Heh. Well, for about 30 more minutes we had fun.

Then.....................................



*Yawn* I'm wiped ! I'll tell ya the rest tomorrow.

August 24
The First of (hopefully) at Least Few Good Announcements !




It was confirmed last Saturday that for the second year I am invited to speak at the Omaha LitFest ! I was there last year and didn't say a whole lot about it beforehand, I mentioned it but, that was about it, this year, I am cordially inviting you to come !

It is September 14th and 15th, I'll be "appearing on the 15th", I'll be there the 14th too, but I'll be in disguise as to not get recognized and mobbed by fans ya know.

The panel I'm on this year is : The Devil in Miss Jones: The Panel about Women Writing on the Edge.

You can see my name on the list along with many other people who really are writers right here : Omaha LitFest Writers.



Other than that my week had been busy yet boring. Don't ask me how. I'm tired and bitchy, which I know is such a shocking statement coming from me !

August 20
It's just Monday


I don't know if anywhere else is having the same problem we here in and around Omaha are having ? We have got an overabundance of spiders outside. They are everywhere. Wolf spiders mostly, then the rest are some fat butted crunchy looking things. They have webs all over the flowers and vines, and up against the houses. Everyone I've talked to around here is having this issue.

Anyway.

This morning as we were leaving for school the girls spotted a huge spider web stretching from the front porch railing across to the front windows. Meaning that getting to the truck would entail walking through the web of this nasty fat butted crunchy thing.

They all came back inside and I went out and grabbed a little bamboo stick that was laying on the porch. I was standing on my tiptoes wrapping the web around the stick and trying to knock the spider from the one string he had left. Oh I was also saying shit out loud, which is what I do when I fight with things. I was saying " waaaasah ! And, hiiii--ya !". It helps trust me.

Apparently, when you are across the street standing on your front porch looking over it appears that I look like I'm a practicing witch while I stretch on my toes and wave a "magic wand" at nothing but air and chanting. Which sent my neighbor into a fit of laughter that made him unable to explain what in the holy hell he was laughing at, because believe me there was not a damn thing funny about it, including the fact that he so easily thought I was a witch.

If I were a witch, I'd have a much better wand that had some sparkles on it.

August 16
Whew !


The girls started school Monday and the week has flown by ! Jam and Bana both require more work getting ready now than ever. You know hair has to be cute and acceptable, I don't fight them on it though, I mean no one wants to be the mom of one of the girls that has pony tail bumps leftover from two days ago or just washed it and didn't bother brushing it.

I also don't want to be the mom of one of the kids who eats glue, and if I find out one of the little shit's is eating glue I'll beat 'em, I tell ya.

Mimi is getting close to cutting her first tooth and the girl is almost Satan. And, if Satan was a momma's girl then she is Satan reborn. Every morning for the past week I've woke up in the morning and shoved my finger in her mouth to see if today is the day. Still nada. Dammit. Watch...I probably just cursed myself and she'll be teething for 27 months.

Hubs has only had one contact with "stalker" since the initial incident. They called him to talk about unemployment. From what we heard the person was transferred to another facility for a longer term sort of thing. Which is a very good thing considering they also asked during the last phone call if his full name was....well you know...and yes it is.

I've been better than I normally am with worrying about it. I keep an eye out and all but no panic attacks, until last night when one of our neighborhoods newest residents made a hell of a racket right below our bedroom window and about scared the piss out of me. Oh the new residents are raccoons by the way. Little bastards. Like the whole world doesn't know I hate critters ? So yeah it sent me right into a tizzy.

August 09
So..I'm easily irritated , shut the hell up about it.


Yesterday there was yet another article that referred to the book I talked about the other day. This one though was about the so-called "Mommy Wars".

Ya know, Moms who seem to compete with each other over stupid shit. They hate each other because of how they "Mommy" , and how the other person doesn't "Mommy" the same way.

The thing about this is, maybe some Moms hate each other because of that reason.

But me ? The other Moms I hate, are because they're bitches, or stupid, or both.......really.

I would have hated them in middle school, and I would have tried to fight them in high school.

And, I still hate them.

I'll be the first to admit that 80% of the moms I hate I don't even know. Pfftt. You don't have to "know" them to know them. Know what I mean ? Maybe they still bathe their 11 year old, hell I don't really know or care to know. That'd make me hate them more, but really I don't give a shit how they mother, I just don't like them and I damn sure don't want to be their friend.

Maybe these articles are written by people who are on the outside looking in, maybe they live in glass houses and watch the world through rose colored glasses and blinders on only seeing what they want to see. Maybe in other parts of the country this Mommy War is a real issue. If it's that bad someone should call a summit on Mommy Wars or something.

It'd be great.

The "I think I'm too good for you Moms" would have to sit next to the "Moms with tattoos", and the " Moms who party" and they'd be all like "Oh.My.Gawd.Like.What. Do.I.Do.Becky?" And, Becky would say "Hey Beth I know you think you're above tattoos and drinking a beer but I have to tell you that my back is covered in tattoos, I went out to 4 bars with my husband last night and my kids ate cheetos and Dr. Pepper for dinner, now what bitch !?"

Then Beth would be like "*Sob*Sob* Oh my gawd Becky ! I have to tell you the truth ! I was always scared and intimidated by tattoos and beer drinkers, but now I see the truth . I was wrong and stupid !"

Then the "Tattoo Moms, Beer Moms, Crunchy Moms, I Thought I was Too Good For You Moms, Moms Who Work Outside of The Home, Stay-at-Home Moms, RockStar Moms, Richer than God Moms, Poorer Than Dirt Moms", would alllll get along .



The End.

August 07
Snippets ==


Poor Didda. After telling her that she must be 5 years old to go to school she gets up every morning and asks me " Mommy, can I be 5 today ?" Sorry pumpkin, no can do.

She also likes to pretend and loves the fact that she can be whoever she wants to be. Usually she's "Margaret". But, she takes it a bit too far when she gets in trouble and decides that it was not her who did it, it was "Margaret" and since she was not "Didda" when she performed the act that caused trouble then there should be no punishment.

I really hope this is an imagination thing and not a schizophrenic thing.

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After getting attacked at work on Saturday by a very mentally unstable employee,(ex-employee now) my husband has been quite on edge. It didn't help matters any when he received a phone call from the person yesterday, straight from the looney bin. At the end of the call, the person declared their love for him and informed him that they will be calling for him again. 72 hours in the bin is just not long enough.

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This morning there was almost a horrible accident in front of us on a busy two lane street. Let me just say that if you are 109 years old and you can't think straight, not to mention ride a bike straight then do not ride on the fucking street ! What's scary is I bet he still has a driver's license too.

*********************************************************************************

Oligodendroglioma-- is a total pain in the ass to spell when the person saying it sounds like they have a mouthful of marbles.

*********************************************************************************

Tomorrow I get to suffer through a skating party for two-hours. I promised they could go before school starts and I'll be damned if it doesn't start next week.

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August 02
Is It Bad ?
That I've been wasted on tequila for 4 days now ? Ha. No no no. Not that it didn't sound appealing I didn't even have one margarita. Blerf.

Not a lot to report over the past few days really. I took the girls shopping with the money they got for good grades from their Grandma. They spent very wisely.

I've always said my girls are the best. The most beautiful, the most intelligent, out of this world personalities.

But.

When you realize that they have taken the my gift of clearance shopping and bought so much with a 20 spot that you'd think they were con artists ...it just makes ya wanna cry.

It's true. My children are supremely perfect.

Oh and then, tonight I went to Walgreen's to get baby formula. The lady behind the cosmetics counter mentioned that she was throwing samples of a new product line in my bag I said " honey dump the whole tray in there free samples are like gold at my house."

I walked out of there with a bag of samples bigger than the bag that held the baby formula. Uhm, I didn't even know they had samples like that at Walgreen's !

She said most people don't and usually they only give them out if people ask.

So listen carefully, go there and ask to see all the sample trays and load up ! Tons of facewash, bodywash, and face masks, moisturizers, and I got so much anti-aging and anti-wrinkle cream that I'm gonna look like a toddler when I die at the ripe old age of 149.

Ah well, it's nice outside so I think I'll go anchor my ass to a patio chair .

Phases


I'm referring to adult "life" phases, not kid's behaving badly phases.

Much of what I'm feeling right now started when I started going to Estate sales, and auctions. Walking through these houses. Houses that used to be homes, filled with kids and grandkids. Big dinners, parties, laughter, arguments, and now emptiness.

Memories, both happy and sad.

First steps, first dates, first promotions, first vacations.

Last breaths.

Here I am, among 50 other people, touching everything that used to be someone's. Nosing through a book collection, digging through blankets, adoring the stitching on a baby blanket so caringly made by someone close.

It makes you wonder, is that what will be left of you ?

Will all the things you so treasure throughout life, be arranged on long tables, decorated with price tags, and on sale for half price when no one else seems to think your prize possessions are worth it.

There have been so many times that as I'm walking through a home, and I want to yell and scream at people. They throw things this way and that, they move everything to dig in the bottom of a box, only to leave what they've moved and walk off.

It's painful to see that some people have no respect for memories, no matter who they belong to.

For some reason, this along with a couple of other things has pulled me into some sort of reminiscent fog.

Everyday I've woken up and had to resist the urge to grab my family and run away.

Far away. To where, I don't know for sure.

Someplace in the woods, the mountains maybe. Somewhere isolated. Somewhere that we are all just together.

I need time. time with them all.

Time to look at their faces, hear their voices, time to absorb it all so I'll never forget.

Time for them to do the same to me.

Time for memories to form and harden in our brains.

And, I need for time to stand still while I do it.

July 16
Monday


Today has been pretty uneventful. The kids have played in the pool (little wading pool with the blow-up sides) for the better part of 11 hours now.

Jam diagnosed her little sister, Poppy, with "Podia-something-itis" which happens to be a rare foot disease that sometimes happens after you have been in the pool for so long you skin is ready to slide right off your bones. I don't know that for a fact I'm just going with what I assume it means.

I'm having a bit of trouble grasping the fact that in less than a month they'll be back in school. Not that I'm sad really about it, but I will miss their little butts.

What I'm more sad about is school shopping, clothes shopping to be more precise. Wait, not the shopping part of it, just the money I have to give the cashier part of it.

Ugh. I've picked up a few things here and there, but nowhere close to what they'll need.

Between having to psyche myself up for paying for it all and, preparing to deal with them on those shopping days, I've already worn myself out.

They are psychotic when it comes to school shopping, it is not even funny anymore. I love that they are meticulous and thorough , but seriously if I only get 5 of the 6 fucking glue sticks we need and we don't find out until we get home, it is not a national emergency, but yet to them it is. They think we need to sound the sirens load the truck and get to a store to buy that other goddamn glue stick. I'm not saying it's happened, just guessing what it might be like if it did ? Ha.

Oh damn I just remembered I need to look on-line for Heart-Guard for JayDawg, of course he needs something too. Asshole.

He got mad at me yesterday for not taking him with us so I came home to find he had pissed all over the kitchen floor, and drank what was left of all the girls' milkshakes. He does not pee in the house anymore, unless of course he's mad. That right there gets him nothing but locked in the kennel every time I leave now. Which sort of defeats the purpose of having a guard dog to protect the house.

I don't leave him outside when we leave now. Just in case we are gone longer than we think we'll be ...it is waaaay too hot for that. Even though he does have his own swimming pool to swim in and drink out of, I can't leave him out there. So for now, back to the kennel.

Testes...Testes...is this thing on ?


Like, it seems like it's been like forever !

And...saying like 3 times in that sentence makes me wanna gag myself with a silver spoon.

*Snort*

Okay I'm done with all that silliness.

Wow, it has been a long week. Well, long but short. I know you get what I'm trying to say here.

My sister, her 3 kids, and my youngest brother (who is 7), got here Saturday and left yesterday. We went to a big fireworks show that night (Saturday), then had our big get together on the 4th. Ohhhh and on the 4th we had tons of good food including .....3 fried zuchinnis from our very own garden !!! Yay me !

We all had a good time on the 4th, my sister though was feeling pretty shitty from a summertime cold.

Hells bells I was tired yesterday . I took a nap and made dinner. That was the extent of my productiveness...I don't even know if that's a word ? Screw it, we'll just say it is.

I did a bit more today, worked on laundry, made an appointment for Mimi to get shots, called my doctor for a sinus med, made lunch, did more laundry, made dinner, did dishes, watched Sunset Tan. Haha...dude I love that stupid show !

I don't even have anything else to talk about right now believe it or not. Hopefully my sister will upload the pics from the 4th of her kids and mine so I can post some of them. *cough*cough* I mean really...hopefully soon she does.

June 28
Guess what I did today ?


Can't tell ya.

I can tell you that I used spraypaint, and no one in this damn house bothered to tell me that I had a gargantuan blue streak across my face before I ran to the store. Thanks guys.



And, I can tell you that my "funk" has turned into "Funkadelic". It's all good.



Didda came upstairs with me while her Dad and sisters watch a movie, a "scare me" movie, not a scary movie mind you. It's a scare me movie to Didda because she thinks that all movies that freak her out are made to frighten her and only her, hence "scare me" movie.

The big girls are all grounded to the house until Saturday night, alot to do with the W.T. girl down the street whose mother leaves on a whine and begs anyone to watch her kid, and if she can't find someone she just leaves her kid and doesn't tell her.

Yeah, nice. All this time I thought if we lived in this neighborhood people would take care of their kids. Just goes to show ya that just because they have a nice house doesn't mean they ain't trash.



Bana's hurt her ankle last night and has been a little gimpy ass all day. Miraculously though, when she thinks no one is looking she's fine.

So I told her earlier that "I'd go ahead and take her in to the doctor and they could give her a shot to deaden it and then x-ray it."

Somehow by some odd freak of nature, the words that came out of my mouth got all jumblefucked by the time they got to her ears. She runs off crying and screaming that I must hate her.

Uhm, what ? Only a caring Momma takes her baby to the doctor, right ?

Hm, well, I guess when you think your Mom said she was going to "take you to the doctor to shoot you until you die, and then take an x-ray", she doesn't seem so caring.

These kids don't understand why I think they never listen.

I'm gonna be buff...


It was supposed to rain at about 10 a.m. yesterday so my plan was to work outside until it rained. I washed the front porch off with the sprayer and a broom.

I cleaned the garage door windows, the wind started to blow and the sky grew dark.

I sprayed off some of the river rock to rid it of more caked on dirt.

The clouds passed, the wind died down, I sat down to take a break because obviously it wasn't gonna fucking rain !

Started outside again, like a dummy I start big projects and then halfway through I'm all like " Uhm I don't wanna do this anymore." *pout*

But, I'm almost done so on top of getting a big project done, my muscles are getting a good workout. I know that part for sure because when I get up every morning I feel like a crash test dummy.

I need to go buy some muscle shirts 'n shit.

Too bad my ass muscles aren't getting the workout my arms and legs are, but I mean how do you move landscape rock with your ass ? Don't answer that.

Of course, this project involves not only me, but my neighbor. The one who has an opinion about everything. It's starting to piss me off. I mean the guy is super nice, which used to make it okay, now though. Not so much.

Yesterday afternoon I'm out working and he gets home from works and yells across the street, " what in sam hell are you doing girl !?" He always says that I work too hard and blah blah blah, so this is nothing new.

I explained it all to him and before he started giving out unwanted advice I said " well ya know since I'm doing this, I'm going to finish it the way I see fit, the way I think it should be, and how I want to." He must've gotten the clue because he didn't even try to talk about it anymore, he just started rambling about his new grandbaby.

It did not however stop him from spying on me. I continued to work after he went inside, and 20 minutes later here he comes with an idea and an axe. *sigh*

Well ! I need to feed this screamin' MiMi, and then get ready to finish outside. My neighbor is at work until 5 so I got time !

Welcome to Scary Acres Grocery Store


I don't think that's really the name of it, technically the sign just said "Grocery"...I think they couldn't afford the rest of the name to be put on there.

It was early Saturday morning and since hubs had went to get ice at another store the night before it was my turn to venture out.

Alone.

In Missouri.

We'd seen a tiny grocery store the night before during our trip around the lake. It was closer, therefore, it seemed wiser to run over there for cigarettes.

When I pulled in and got out of the truck it seemed innocent enough. 3 biker guys hanging out front drinking coffee, planning their road trip for the day. Two women that had walked across from the RV park, chatting about the rain the night before.

There were two people in front of me and I just sorta glanced around at everything while I waited my turn.

I turned and smiled at the woman behind me and edged up to the counter to make a request for smokes.

The bell hanging from atop the swinging door clanged, and in stumbled a man. A half awake, half still drunk man. Long seaweed hair sprouting from beneath a "Branson" ball cap. Coffee cup in hand he starts to head toward the back, where the coffee makers are.

I glanced his way then turned back to the short balding sweet natured man behind the counter when he said " Hey Darlin' can you hold on one second ?"

I couldn't be mean or say no, he was so nice. Not that I would of been mean but ya know, he was laid back so I would of waited all day.

He goes to the end of the counter and says " Ahem ! " Toward the drunkard. "Hey....! "





I turn back to see the drunkard keep staggering, paying no mind to anything but the coffee pots.

Looking back at the counter guy I just sorta shrug and get ready to tell him what I need.

That man.

Still looking toward the coffee needer, slaps his hand down on the counter and says " Freddy ! Get the Fuck out !"

***Can I just say that for the first time in my life I wanted to piss myself and run at the same time. I mean he looked so....sweet...so...old....so...he called me darlin'. **

Freddy ( ya know the drunk guy) spins around on one heel and says " Whaaaaaa ? Whhhyyyy ?"

"Freddy You son of a bitch, I told you ...no more...out right now !"

Well, this statement does not sit well with Freddy.

With is coffee cup still in his hand he suddenly sobers up and saunters back to the counter. Gently sits his cup down, takes a deep breath and says in a slow deep voice.

"I ask Diane and the lawman, they both said it was no problem for me to be in here."

Counterguy (who is married to Diane I found out after all this) says " No Freddy you call my wife a fucking bitch and you are all done, no more now get out !"

By this time, Freddy decides to stand square in the doorway, two guys trying to get in are just standing there not really knowing what to do.

Then the yelling started, I can't even tell you what was said besides threats, and in the end I think that Freddy even ended up threatening his own life.

I think he got confused.

The lady that had been in line behind me took off pushing past Freddy, and the two guys that were trying to get in just left.

Now it was me, counterman and Freddy.

No one talks for a bit .

I was getting ready to ask if I was a hostage when Freddy digressed and walked out the door completely.

Counter man seems satisfied until he walks back behind the counter only to see the coffee cup of Freddy sitting there.

He grabs the cup, walks to the door and says " Freddy ! You forgot your fucking cup !" As he chucks it across the gravel parking lot.

After that I got to be filled in on who Freddy is : the resident drunk, who Diane is : counter mans wife, and why Freddy called her that...Diane called the law on Freddy because he was begging beer off people over at the RV park, and sneaking into the showers over there too.

The store is literally 1 minute away, so when I walked back into the condo 55 minutes after I left, my husband and kids started in on me. I filled them in and we all had a good laugh....later I was in the bathroom when Hubs came in and was being all chatty. So. Guess what I told him ?

"Freddy ! Get the fuck out !" Ha !

Ok so the second time I ran back into the store with Hubs and the kids in the truck to get more ice, that I forgot earlier.

Different guy at the counter and things are going fine.

I hurriedly grab my ice and head to the register. In walks a poorly dressed woman. Gray hair going every which way, with a yellow scrunchie somehow attached somewhere in there.

She's sobbing and asks the guy at the register where Mikey is. He tells her that Mikey is staying over at DreamCatcher, she can use the phone over there to try and call him at 4227. She tries and no one answers. She sobs more and says "Don can you do me a favor please ? My dog, he's sick, can you get your 22 and come down and shoot him ?"

**Ok. Wait. What ?! Orr....maybe you could take him to the vet ? No ?" **

He tells her that he's not off 'til 7 and grabs his cell goes through the numbers and hands her the phone and says " here it's callin' Bubba John, he'll come shoot him."

So.....ice is 99 cents I figure the 5 dollar bill I threw on the counter before I took off should cover it.

I'm BaaaAAAaaaaack !


Well I was back yesterday, but I was also twice as tired then as before I left for vacation, so I was sleeeeeeping.

SoOOoooo...how ya been ? How's things ? What's new ?

Me ? I'm good, thanks.

We spent our vacation at Table Rock Lake in southern Missouri. We stayed in a condo, around 14 miles outside of Branson. Well "as the crow flies" we were about 4 miles, but Ozark Mountain Roads are are wonky and crooked and take you to hell half acre before you get to where you need to go...hence the 14 miles when you drive. So the condos were awesome. Brand spankin' new ! Thank God because I saw the so called cottages at the same resort....Oh. My. God. It was like a mobile home, cut in half, painted hot pink, with a window a/c hanging out the ass end. But yet it somehow can sleep like 27 people or something.

We spent a day doing the tourist-y stuff. The Titanic Museum is in Branson, which was very cool.

We hit a few craft villages....yeah like old little cottages all grouped together making it a village. It was cute, and reminded me of the shore outside of Seattle where they have all the little t-shirt shops.

Ahh....what else. Oh we spent a day hiking, going to the hatchery *yawn* , a day at the beach, actually not any beach...MoonShine Beach dammit ! And, day at the pool.

On the last day we went into The Inspirational Tower at Shepherd of the Hills, wow...an all glass elevator going up that thing is so not on the good idea list if ya ask me. 230 feet is really high. Oh bite me, I'm a chicken, laugh all you want I ain't mad at ya ...heeeyyyy. Oh damn now I have Norbit quotes stuck in my head ! Dammit !

Which brings me to the day before yesterday. We stayed at my sisters house and watched movies for a bit...Norbit. Ugh.

Well ! I am putting up new pics...all self explanatory or have stories under them. Tomorrow...I'm gonna tell you all about my not one, but two trips to the twilight zone grocery store in southern Missouri.

June 05
Oy my fingers


I have moved over one hundred and fifty bricks in the past two days, that on top of loading/unloading river rock, digging up flowers , and digging trenches for different bricks....has left me with fingers that look more like water balloons with fingernails than my real fingers.

The flowers I'm speaking of are some sort of lily...as in the sort that morphs and grows through the bricks you put on top of them and get stalks the size of tree trunks that you can't fucking dig up ! If anyone needs the sort of flowers that are indestructible to plant around your house lemme know...I have a shit ton of bulbs I dug up ! Just send me an email...and I'll mail them too ya.

So we have been talking about working in the back yard forever now, and decided to do most of it in river rocks and then add landscaping around it, getting the grassy area back in shape, blah blah blah.

The river rock we wanted is the bigger kind, 3-4 inch stuff, nice bold colors, and runs about 60 bucks a ton, plus 50 at a minimum for delivery.

But, guess whose neighbor works in landscaping and just happened to be digging up and removing over a ton of it last weekend at someone else's house ? Who...my neighbor..hahahahahahahaha. Know what that means ? I'm gonna tell ya ! It means that Sunday I had a bit over a ton of river rock delivered for FREE.

Alright, I'm done boasting.

I had to do that a little because I'm so flippin' sore that I have to convince myself that it's worth it !

The next two days will consist of packing, cleaning, making lists, checking them twice...ya know. We're leaving for vacation in a few days !

I was over at Bob's place and he was talking about crime and punishment, DNA specifically. It made me remember that I have a couple of stories about real crimes, two of them. One with punishment, one with none.

I got to thinking...how about soon we all do a "crime week" ? Stories about crime, or punishment that you are somehow connected to. It doesn't have to be personally...but maybe even a story that you've been told. You can re-tell it to us as you remember it . Or maybe the crime happened to you or was committed by you ?

Change the names if you want, change the town if you need too. Hell if you want to make the whole damn thing up !

We can set a day that we'll all publish our stories. I'll make a special section with links to stories.

Who's in ?

Lemme know what y'all think !

The new light fixture I bought for the kitchen to replace the ceiling fan, is still on the dining room table. Why ? Because Hubs said he was gonna put it up yesterday, that's why. Which means, either I try and do it, or I wait until mid-July.

So I think I'll try my luck and see if I can do it.

It can't be that hard right ? I mean, there are like directions and shit with it ...I think.

The first step is getting all my tools together, so I need to find a screwdriver, a hammer, a helmet, a can of pringles, a bed sheet, the hacksaw, a dining room chair, and a pack of cigarettes.

Oh and a book that shows me what those silly little red and black wires do.

The hammer I won't use really, but the screwdriver will get lonely without him, they are always together. The hacksaw, well he's new to the group of only tools we own so we need him to be there too.

The pringles I'll eat while I stare at the ceiling fan convincing myself I can do this.

The helmet is for, duh, my head.

The bed sheet for the floor for when...I mean in case I drop the fan or light and it shatters everywhere.

Cigarettes for when I get down off the chair 19 times to go out and smoke while I call people for support.

Sooo.....wish me luck !